Instead of trying to get back at them or make their life miserable like they did with you , you should try something else.
Because when you're dealing with a narcissist, none of this works. Somehow they always use every strategy to their advantage.
Somehow they always turn the story around and manipulate you into accepting their version.
Narcissists have distorted self-esteem and lack empathy. They can't understand how you feel and they don't care.
They think of themselves as the most important people, and that's what matters never change anything.
They only want one thing from you: your energy, your ability to make them happy.
It's called &rdquo ;narcissistic validation”, and as long as they get it from you, they stay with you.
If you stop providing the narcissistic validation, they will move on to the next victim and pretend they never knew you, which would suit you very well.
After so much bullying – because narcissists are in fact bullies – all you can do is wish for them to leave you alone.
Why are you giving the narcissist that affirmation?
You don't do it on purpose. Humans (most humans at least) have a natural need to help others when they need help, especially when it's someone close to them – a loved one.
You will completely ignore your needs and come to the aid of someone you love.
It may be If it's your child or another family member, your instinct will drive you.
But the man you've regrettably fallen in love with happens to be a narcissist. Of course you never expected it.
He was charming, a real catch. And of course that has changed over time.
All that charm and suspiciously nice demeanor was gone overnight and he showed his true colors.
But by then it was already too late. You were already in love with him and you couldn't just leave him.
It's her ploy. That's what they do best.
They fool you until you fall in love with them, and then they start terrorizing you because they know you won't leave them easily.
Because you loved him, you thought you could help him. That was your biggest mistake and by doing so you gave him his validation.
Every time he did something terrible, every time he hurt you, you gave in and showed compassion.
You gave him enough energy to last a while until she ran out. Then he repeated everything.
To disable him and get away from him, you have to be smarter than him. You need to be better prepared, for everything.
1. What kind of narcissist is he?
There are a few different types of narcissists, and they don't all behave the same.
Believe it or not, there are narcissists who seem shy at first, narcissists who only enter into relationships for money, or the traditional, classic narcissists who pretend to be something what they are not.
You need to find out what kind of narcissist you are dealing with in order to learn everything about their behavior, to understand why they do certain things and why they do certain things like this.
You have to learn to play his game if you want to beat him at it. You have to be one step ahead of him.
2. Pretend you're okay
It's not that easy. You'll have to swallow your pride and take a lot of shit to get this step right.
It's not easy, and not everyone has the nerve or courage to pull it off.
You have to shut up, agree with everything he says, practically make him believe everything is fine, and keep playing his game – just don't let him doubt your loyalty.
Don't let him think that maybe you're doing all this because you want to leave him.
You have to pretend wä ;re all right, even better than ever.
3. Leave him at the right time
If you've prepared everything and made up your mind to leave him and never see him again, then do it.
But first you need to find somewhere to live and make sure you have support and that you are surrounded by people who love you. Then it's time for the interview.
4. Set clear boundaries
Set boundaries, but be careful because there is one more thing you need to do.
Since narcissists have the ability to twist everything you said and convince you that certain things didn't happen – or happened differently than you claim – it would be best if you wrote down your rules so he doesn't manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
That's how you hold what what you said is written down on a piece of paper and no one can convince you otherwise.
If you leave him, he will bug you and ask you to come back to him.
That's when you need to set those limits – and believe me he will try to exceed every one of them.
The more you stick to your rules, the quicker he'll leave you alone.
5. Stop apologizing
These words should no longer exist in your vocabulary, at least while you're dealing with him.
You need not apologizing for anything when it comes to him.
You didn't take advantage of him. You didn't hurt him. He did all this to you.
What he did to you is completely irrational and hard for a sane person to understand.
It's not your fault he's like this. So yeah, apologizing is out of the question.
If you're apologizing to him so he'll stop bothering you, or if you want to get him to see reason and with the apology just try to calm things down, then don't.
You're only going to make things worse because he won't stop.
He will dig up some memory of something that happened months ago just to make you feel like shit.
There is no way to defeat him in this situation but him not to offer the satisfaction of an apology.
6. Accept it's over
No more false hopes, no more imagining that he might change.
There is no going back. ck more when you leave him. You may be scared at first, like most women.
This is nothing to be ashamed of or fret about because it is normal to long for someone you were with, someone you loved – especially when you thought he was going to change and that it was just a phase.
Close this chapter of your life and look to the future.< /p>
7. Get on with your life
Forgive yourself and work on yourself.
You need to understand that you need to recover first and only then to return to a normal life.
While the breakup is fresh, there's no way you can adjust to the life you used to have, the life before him.
You changed because he changed you and you need some time to find yourself back.
You need time to move on with your life.< /p>