Almost everyone wants an intact, happy relationship, a partnership that is filled with understanding, affection and loyalty.
Unfortunately, I have to to admit that very few people end up in a relationship exactly like this.
What's interesting is the fact that people always find themselves in relationships that are the complete opposite of what they really want ;love.
But how come you keep clinging to the same type of relationship, how come you keep falling in love with the same wrong guy, knowing that such a relationship is doomed?
< p>If you analyze attachment theory, you quickly realize that people's attachment behavior has different backgrounds, which are primarily closely linked to childhood and the process of growing up.
The relationship behavior is put into our cradle, so to speak, and most of us find it difficult to get used to a different type of relationship, we don't want to take any risks and try something new, we stick to the pattern, what looks familiar.
And that's the problem, if you always stick to a strict relationship-type behavior pattern, you can't make progress, you fall into old relationship patterns that give you nothing but a headache.
Is it even possible to break free? Can you find a way to break away from the relationship types you have learned and go in a new, completely different direction?
Of course you can do it! The difficult part is recognizing your relationship behavior, being aware of your weaknesses and not being afraid of change.
The well-known neuroscientist Amir Levine and the psychologist Rachel Heller are through research came to the conclusion that there are exactly three types of relationships that can be distinguished from one another.
The whole concept of a relationship is that simple – it can be broken down into three groups, although it sounds a lot more complicated than it really is.
Table of Contents show 1 What are the types of relationships? 2 The anxious relationship type 3 The avoidant relationship type 4 The secure relationship type
What types of relationships are there?
All types of relationships can be traced back to childhood. It's the same with all the other patterns of behavior that accompany us throughout life, everything is instilled in us.
If you're wondering why you're always clinging to the wrong guys , why your attention always wanders to the same type of man you don't get along with at all and such relationships always bring heartache, you can thank your childhood for that.
From an early age we learn that our parents are our greatest role models, that everything they do has some impact on our lives and in most cases our relationship with parents shapes us later on. ter in life.
Due to child development, we get into various scenarios that we don't want at all, but nobody asks us for our opinion.
Your own parents can don't choose and some will realize parental responsibilities a little later, when it's getting late.
The child is branded by his own behavior, he carries with him certain fears, emotional cripples that only come to light later when they want to start a family of their own, when they fall in love.< /p>
By analyzing the behavioral patterns of different people who are in relationships or who are looking for a committed relationship, the relationship types are divided into three groups, which would be:
? the anxious relationship type
• the avoidant relationship type
? the secure relationship type
The anxious relationship type
A certain group of people can be assigned to the anxious relationship type.
At first glance, people who belong to the anxious relationship type seem to be quite superficial.
Your choice of partner always follows the same pattern. The partner must look good, have a secure job and of course be successful.
The partners of people who belong to the anxious relationship type are in most cases quite autonomous.
The prey scheme is always the same, but the searching person doesn't notice it. This is where childhood comes into play.
People who belong to the anxious relationship type almost always had a bad childhood.
When I say bad, I don't mean abuse, rather these individuals did not have a deeper emotional connection with their parents. Everything was give and take.
These people's parents were always successful, they had everything under control and everything had to go according to a certain plan. When the child did something wrong, love was withdrawn.
The parents or just one parent made the child understand that it is only worth something if it is perfect, if there are no contradictions; che does, or to put it more simply, dances to the parents' tune.
And now as an adult, he/she is looking for someone who is successful but who is playing this game of distance and closeness.
People who tend to the anxious Relationship type, they lose their ego very easily, they submit to their partner because they don't want to do anything wrong.
But their choice of partner is wrong, because such types are more focused on their work, career and your own success than the relationship.
Such an anxious guy clings even more to the person because he's afraid of losing everything again.
And with that he drives away his partner in most cases, who with so many needles ;can't handle being close, emotional closeness is a foreign concept for these guys and they don't want to get used to it.
It's easier for them to change partners and the ä ;scared guy thinks again that he's not good enough, that he's done something wrong again, although it's not true.
He only revealed his own needs to his partner so that he also knows what kind of person he is with. If the partner knew that, he could adapt and slowly find a compromise that would suit both sides.
The avoidant relationship type
The avoidant relationship type includes people who, unlike the anxious relationship type, find it difficult to commit to a person.
They are afraid of intimacy and they never give their own partners the feeling that they have found a secure basis for a long-term relationship.
The avoidant relationship type wants to have a relationship with love at a distance. Too much closeness is overwhelming for such a person because they feel like they lose their autonomy in the way that they lose their self completely when they let someone get close to them emotionally.
< p>Intimacy is something stressful for them, the closer their partner wants to get to them, the more they distance themselves from their partner. They feel pushed into a corner and in that case they look for the first escape route.
People who belong to the avoidant relationship type had other problems in their childhood. They had parents who were too clingy, who needed too much love and connection themselves.
The child felt compelled to bond with their parents even though they felt uncomfortable inside.
Such children had to put their own needs aside in order to satisfy their parents ;nen.
And that's exactly why they think that something like this will happen in a relationship if they become emotionally attached to someone. They don't want to just act on the needs of others anymore.
In such cases, an open and honest discussion with your partner helps. You have to make him aware that this doesn't mean that you don't love your partner, that you don't mean business with him.
It just means that you need more autonomy and independence. You don't want to be dependent on anyone because that's how your whole childhood was.
In this way, your partner will also realize that he will only get the closeness he wants if he gives you some freedom.
The secure relationship type
This relationship type is the winner among relationship types. People who belong to the secure relationship type had a beautiful and emotionally fulfilling childhood.
Their parents had a healthy relationship and the children followed them as a good example .
In such relationships there are no games of closeness and distance. The partners know exactly how much closeness and how much distance one needs in order to be able to have an intact relationship.
It is not so easy to lure the secure relationship type out of the reserve, he always has long-term relationships that either last a lifetime or end happily.
There is no drama and no psycho games, everything is discussed with open communication and we search together for a solution.
The only disadvantage of such a safe type of relationship is the fact that sometimes there is a lack of passion.
Such relationships are rational, everything happens logically and sometimes just that can lead to boredom.
< p>Many partners then realize over time that they see such a safe guy as a friend and the relationship fails.
Almost no secure relationship type can deal with mood swings, because that doesn't fit into their concept. He solves everything with clear statements and in an open dialogue, which not everyone can handle.
If you want to find a reliable partner, you should get used to such a calm concept of the relationship and im In return, you get enough closeness and distance to have a happy relationship.
Before you start looking for a partner again and end up with the same guy again, you should be clear about what type of relationship you belong to. You have to face the truth and your needs.
Sometimes it can take months to realize what you really want from a relationship and your partner, but it will pay off.
Only after the realization will you find your true happiness. No matter which of the different relationship types you fall into, one thing you all have in common is that you want a healthy relationship that gives you exactly what you want.
If that's what you want to achieve , you need to learn to be open about your needs. There's nothing wrong with being open about what you want, it's the only way you can get it from your partner without feeling cornered.
Learn to love yourself, because this is the only way you can open your heart so that new winds can blow into your soul. Don't become one of those partner-fixated people who can't find themselves.