You were happy, carefree, everything looked perfect, in a word – you were in love You thought this was love that never ends, nothing and no one could separate you, you'll stay together forever…
But then the bubble burst.
One moment you were the love of his life and the next you're not a couple and he's acting like an iceberg.
The relationship ended and suddenly you see him in a whole new one Light. You don't recognize him.
How come the man who swore you will love you is suddenly so cold to you?
Wasn't that great love for him? Didn't he say you were the girl of his dreams? Was it all a lie? Wasn't all this time as important to him as it was to you?
You still have his messages, your WhatsApp chat history, where he loves you like a poet announced and now he's standing there without words?
You just can't understand that? You are depressed, your emotional world is upside down and you don't know how to continue? You don't understand his behavior?
did you experience this? Me too and I know what a pain it is and that you have many unanswered questions.
I'm here for you and I can help you. In this article we will answer the question ”Why are men so cold after a breakup” follow up.
Here you will find:
• Explanations for his behavior
• 5 tips what not to do
• 5 tips what to do
Why are men so cold after a breakup? Explanations for this behavior
I know you're feeling helpless right now, there's a lot of confusion in your head. You wonder if he ever had genuine feelings for you or if it was all just a game to him.
You rewind your whole relationship, looking for things that you said or did, or didn't say and didn't do… You're looking for something that caused him to behave this way.
What could be the trigger for his sudden behavior? Did he get bored with you?
Did you miss any early changes in his behavior? Has anything changed?
This is the first mistake you make. Above all, you must not automatically assume that you are responsible for his behavior.
Men simply behave differently than us women. But why is that?
Why are men so cold after a breakup?
Unfortunately there is no general answer to this question as every relationship is unique and different people have different ones Reasons why they end a relationship.
Yet it often seems like most men exhibit very similar behavior.
Here are some answers as to why that might be.
The first explanation would be that although men and women go through different stages of breakup, they look quite different.
Women prefer to be alone in the first stage, or believe the best Girlfriend is also the best company. They stay at home, in a comfortable environment where they feel safe.
Unfortunately, this is also the time when women like us flow many tears. We're pretty open about our emotions and don't mind showing them.
In fact, crying our heads off and letting our emotions run free actually helps in the healing process.
But as time goes by, we come to the second phase. You feel a little better every day.
You spent several hours yesterday and didn't even think about him. Today you found an old gift from him and it brought a smile to your face instead of tears.
In a few weeks you will already be in the third phase. You're ready to flirt, even if you're not ready for a new love.
You slowly start dating again, going out, meeting up with your friends and also wanting to meet new people get to know each other.
On the other hand, men want to party right away in the first phase, circle each other with their buddies and usually a lot of alcohol flows. Sometimes he even has a new girlfriend.
It's the opposite of your behavior. You're wondering if all that time together was important to him at all? Did you mean anything to him at all?
But time goes on for him too and he comes to the second phase. This is also different for him, because he feels worse and worse.
He still acts cool in front of his friends, but he's starting to wonder if ending the relationship was really a good idea. He now sees that this so-called "freedom" is not quite ideal and that he misses a lot of you.
If you have long since finished with the pain of separation, it is only just beginning for him. He's in his third phase and believe me, it's not pleasant.
Only now does he understand that there is no turning back and that he cares, actually he still has very strong feelings for you, but his fear is bigger.
But why does it have to be like this? Why are men so cold after a breakup?
The first answer can be found in upbringing. It is still said today that it is ok for a girl to cry, but not for a boy. ”Real men don’t cry”.
So from the beginning they are trained not to show their feelings (or at least the bad ones).
Even if they want to change something later, it's fine They find it difficult because they are not used to talking about their feelings.
Men simply believe that showing feelings emasculates them, makes them weak and natural he doesn’t want to look like a wimp in front of you. Men are the stronger sex, at least if you ask them about it.
That brings me to the second thing: he's just kidding.
Of course he still has feelings, white; but not how to express it. Most of the time, his cold demeanor means there's way too much going on inside and he knows; he just doesn't know where to start.
He's scared of all these new emotions and how strong they are.
And then what do men do? You suppress it all and hope it will go away on its own.
But as we often see, this doesn't work, and that's why it happens that men seem cold right after the breakup, but over time their mask or rather their wall breaks down and they only show their emotions later.
The answer to the question ”Why are men so cold after a breakup?” you can also search in the reason for the breakup.
Did you leave him?
In this situation you can actually understand him. You've had time to make that decision, you've probably thought it all over and this is coming out of the blue for him.
His life is changing and he's not prepared for it. Which brings us to three possible reasons why he's suddenly so cold after the breakup:
1) He doesn't want to ”stay friends”
For men, the end of the relationship often means a loss of contact. öYou often hear women say ”We can stay friends”.
Most men don’t want to be friends with their ex-girlfriend and show it through theirs Cold.
And if we're honest, we can't blame them either, after all it would hurt us a lot to stay friends with our ex after he broke up with us, didn't he?
2) He knows; not how to deal with it
Have you thought about who loses more from this relationship? Were you maybe his first love?
Maybe the whole situation is very difficult for him, he doesn't understand it, feels sad, but as I mentioned before, he wants to not seem like a weakling in front of you. Leave him his pride.
He wants to hide the fact that he’s feeling bad because you’re no longer together, so he pulls away and gives you the cold shoulder. It's his way of dealing with the pain.
Or maybe and just maybe you really cheated on him, lied to him and really can't expect a lot more from him. You can't really blame him for being so cold now.
If you want to apologize to him, you should wait a little longer until he has calmed down a bit and then start the conversation ;I'll search with him.
He will probably go into no contact right away and not give you a chance to apologize.
Has he left you?
Guys are not only cold when they are left, more often he ends the relationship and doesn't explain his motives to you.
That's actually the hardest thing for you, since you can only guess what made him do it. His behavior can also mean a guilty conscience, he knows how much you suffer.
I know this sounds weird now, but either he's pretty sure he wants to end the relationship or he's not really sure if he should. How can that be?
1) He is sure of his decision
If he is absolutely sure that the relationship is over for him, he’d’d like to give you false hope by acting like nothing & always being nice to you.
That's a lot better than getting confusing signals, too, isn't it?
He's at least that fair and doesn't want to hurt your feelings anymore.
2) He is not sure about his decision
On the other hand, he may not be sure about ending the relationship.
He knows; , he can't resist you and with his cold demeanor he doesn't give you a chance to change his current mind.
In both cases there are things you should and shouldn't do, we'll get to them soon.
3) An ex-partner has turned up
Nobody wants to hear that, but maybe you were just a stopgap for him.
All these feelings, the he had shown you may come from his former relationship, which he only wanted to bridge with you.
He basically wanted to get over his ex with you, but ended up back with her.
In this case, it's best to just move on. Nothing worth trying.
As you can see, there are many reasons for his coldness and most of them have nothing to do with you. Nonetheless, there are a few post-breakup things you shouldn't do.
What you should do:
1) Give it time
Men just need more time so that they can talk about their feelings.
Actually, that's better too, because right after the breakup everything is just chaos and time helps that they can process everything in peace and everything finds its right place.
Don't call him or write him WhatsApp messages.
After a period of time, you can try to contact him again if you want. And if he refuses, you should accept that too.
2) Try to put yourself in his shoes
Try to see the relationship from his side as well to look at, maybe you are missing something.
Empathy is very important, even if it is too late for this relationship, you can learn something from it for your next relationship.
Try to put yourself in his shoes and maybe you'll see things that went wrong, things that you don't want to repeat in your next relationship, and things that you want in your next partner.
3) Take your time too
There are bound to be things you wanted to do during the relationship that your ex didn't. Now's your chance to check some of those things off your to-do list.
You can take a little (or a big) trip, you can finally have a spa day with your girls or just go out with friends and enjoy the single life.
It will be will do you good and you can recharge your batteries and be ready for new adventures.
4) Find a new hobby
You suddenly have a lot lots of free time that used to be reserved for your partner. Maybe now is the time to read all those books you have.
Or you can use your experience and start your own blog, I promise it's fun.
Just try something new, a dance class, cooking class, a new language – all doors are open to you.
5) Shut it up
If you're still looking for an answer from him now, you can call or text him now. Pick a new, neutral place, not your favorite coffee shop that brings back memories.
Have a non-blameful conversation, be open, say whatever is on your mind, and demand a direct explanation.
Hopefully you can now put an end to it, Reclaim your own life and then be ready for a new adventure that is sure to come.
What not to do:< /p>
1) Don't immediately insist on a conversation
Women and men just work differently. We want to get all the answers right away, we want to discuss everything and as we said before men are just not used to talking about their feelings.
You need something more Time to process everything, but then you can be sure that he means what he says.
So give him some time to process what happened and after a few weeks you'll be able to yourself get back to him and ask if he’s up for a chat.
2) Try not to insult him to get any emotion out of him
Of course you don't understand what happened to the great love, how can he be so cold now and you think that even a negative emotion from him is better than nothing.
Think first of all the good times you had, lovesickness doesn't exist without love and because of that love don't go down this path.
Try to talk neutral to him. What's done is done and insults won't undo it.
3) Don't keep visiting his social networks
Whether he still has your photos together or has already deleted them, it's not a good idea to be in keep an eye out for your ex on social media.
You don’t want to bring back fond memories of your love all the time, and you certainly don’t need any more proof that it ended.
Blocking contact would be the best thing for you here so that you can also get some distance from him.
4) Don't start a new relationship right away
< p>Life as a couple is nice, but starting a new relationship right away so you're not alone isn't the best idea and it certainly won't end well.
You may think that you are ready for a new relationship, but in fact you will only want to console yourself with the new relationship for your old one and that would not be fair to your new partner and would only hurt him.
So jump into single life and enjoy the time alone, I'm sure you will discover many great sides of yourself that you haven't seen before knew.
5) Don't go for an extreme makeover
It's a cliché, but we all had this idea. A new haircut or hair color might make you feel better. You're a new person now who doesn't have the same problems, but don't be too extreme.
Consult your hairstylist about what to try and what not. You don't want to look at your photos from that time later and think “why did I do that?”
Every one of us got heartbroken at least once Broken. But the coldness of our ex-partner can be worse than the pain of separation.
Not only are we suddenly single, we also don't recognize the man with whom we even had a relationship for several years. And that hurts.
We have a habit of looking for a reason and more often than not we think it's just us. We look for a flaw in our behavior, which only drives us deeper in lovesickness.
But the truth is different, our ex's coldness mostly comes from self-protection and has nothing to do with us.
His feelings don't go away overnight, he just needs more time than you to talk about them. Everyone has their own reasons, but in general men are not used to being open about their feelings.
Although you are not sure how to proceed now and thought for a long time, let him be your dream man, with a few tips and a little time, everything will find its place and you will come out stronger and ready to start a new chapter in your love book.