If you'd rather listen to this article, click here:
Hast Have you ever loved a man so strongly, immensely and naively that you thought you were a lucky guy who found his ”happy ending” in a man? Well I did.
After him, everything slipped through my fingers.
After him, happiness was just something I heard stories about.
And sadness ü Came over me in waves.
The memories just took turns and the emotions they brought with them overwhelmed me.
For a long time I wondered if I can find the meaning of my life again.
I wondered if I could ever get back to normal or if I'd ever be able to love again.
God knows love was hundreds of miles away from me. God knows I almost gave up.
I wasn't always like this. I was one of those lucky women who were always grateful for everything they did had.
I was one of those people who enjoyed life, smiled and laughed every day, and I was one of those people who went to bed full of enthusiasm for the day ahead.
< strong>But dating a narcissist changed me.
After he was done with me, I wasn't even half of what I used to be.< /p>
The same morning enthusiasm I had before we met now turned into a fear of getting out of bed. My happiness has been replaced by fear.
For a long time I was ashamed that I let him change me.
For a long time I was ashamed of what I had become, but mostly I was ashamed that I had allowed him to bring out the best in me.
I should have known better.
I trusted him .
He made me trust him.
He did everything to convince me that he has my back and that he is mine.
He made me feel like I could count on him and that he would do anything for me.
He kept making promises and I always waited for him those promises will be fulfilled.
But they never were. Because he made me trust him just so he could cheat on me.
I felt safe with him.
For a while I felt like I could call him on a rescue mission and he would come any time of the day.
For a while I thought he was my safe haven – but he wasn't any of those.
He made me feel safe just to stop paying attention.
When I dropped my guard, his mission was accomplished as I was completely unprotected from his attack. I never saw her coming.
I loved him.
I letß someone who has already had several failed relationships become a part of my life.
I gave my heart, body and soul to a man who had no idea what love was.
I loved him with every cell of my body and gave him my unconditional, unceasing and selfless love and I fell completely in love with him.
But only,because he convinced me that he can be taught to love.
But you can't teach a narcissist to love. It's just not in his blood.
Love is just an abstract word that he will never feel.
I fell for a man who wasn't capable was to be loved.
He made me a prisoner of my love.
I stayed with him because I believed that it was out of love. I always believed in love.
I believed that human beings were created from two bodies and one soul and that I found my other soul, my other half in him.
But he wasn't my soulmate.
He was just someone who brought out the best in me.
He was someone who fed on my misery.
He was someone who had to put myself down to make myself feel better.
And I let&szz; him doing that to me because I was naive.
I had romanticized my suffering and made myself believe that I was a heroine fighting for love.
But actually I was just stupid to fall for a narcissist.
I lost myself in a narcissistic person…
I no longer believed that I was worth anything or that I deserved to be loved.
I've lost my confidence. I've lost my self-esteem.
I letß allow his selfishness to win and let everything revolve around him.
I letß admits that he blames me for everything and manipulates me.
I didn't agree with any of this, and yet it happened. I lost myself.
But I found myself.
I have hell for a man suffered on earth.
I was the best version of myself.
I gave everything and held back nothing.
I wish I could say I didn’t get any of this, but it didn’t end like that.
I got a whole new life lesson from it.
I might have been a wreck for a while, but I had no intention of staying that way for the rest of my life.
That would mean he won and I did couldn't let that happen.
So I pulled myself up and started sewing my torn pieces together one by one.
I fixed each hole in my heart one by one.
I have each one too Stuffed hole in my soul.
I walked out of my house with my head held high as if he hadn't hurt me.
He stepped on me way too many times that I had no choice but to show him the door out of my life.
Because of the way he treated me, I didn't think I was worthy of love .
It took me a while, but I realized I was more than good enough – he was the one who didn't deserve to be loved.