No one ever tells you that. Nobody warns you. They all have something to say while you're in this type of relationship, but they're all silent when you break free of one.
It's not that simple. One should expect happiness and joy. No one expects fear, confusion, and an inability to move on with life—to pick up where you left off before you met him.
Nobody tells you how much it hurts. Nobody tells you how long it will take for the wounds to heal.
When you meet someone, you are afraid. You're scared to death that history will repeat itself. You try to entertain him, even though he doesn't want you to.
You apologize for every little thing. You apologize for things whether it's your fault or not. He doesn't want you to do this.
Nobody ever tells you that you don't have to do it. Nobody tells you how hard it is to get out of what you've been through. Nobody ever tells you that it takes courage to fully heal.
You must find the strength to pick yourself up again. You will relive those horrific moments he shared with you. You'll wake up in the middle of the night and your heart will be beating so fast it's about to break free from your chest.
You will see someone who reminds you of him. It will take you back. It will be as real as if the nightmare is happening again.
You will feel broken because you are broken. You will cry your eyes out. You will scream in emotional pain.
You will feel drained because you will be drained. He's the one who sucked the life out of you. You gave him everything you had. And what did you get for it? Nothing but pain. And more pain.
You will be negative because that is the only feeling you know. You forgot what it's like to be happy. It will be difficult to break out of this cycle of negativity. You want to escape her, but you need her because you're used to her. It becomes like a drug for you. You crave more.
You never knew what it's like to be loved. You never had. You wouldn't know true love even if it punched you right in the face. You will doubt every single person that approaches you and you will destroy every attempt to flirt with you. You will do this out of fear. For fear of getting hurt.
You will have to be strong for a long time. You must be strong until you pick up the broken pieces of what's left of you and put them back together to build a version of yourself you've always wanted to be.< /p>
When you start a new relationship, you will feel lost. You will be reminded of this new "normal treatment" Not used to. You will not be used to kind words and understanding. You won't be used to being treated with respect. Your voice will matter for the first time in a long time.
It will take a while before you can relax and trust this person. But it doesn't matter because he will be waiting for you. He will give you space to heal. It will help you heal.
You will wait for the perfect storm. You'll be waiting for him to snap at any moment. You know your ex was nice and loving when he wanted it— if you didn't complain and did everything in his own way. You're scared this guy is like that.
But you know what? The perfect storm will never come. He's not like that.
Nobody ever tells you how shitty it is to survive all of this. Nobody ever tells you that's the hard part. Nobody ever tells you that healing hurts; it hurts like hell.
There are so many things you are not told. You have to fight for yourself. You have to put yourself first. You will have to cry. You will suffer.
But you will heal. Everything will be fine.
