You know that feeling when you're newly in love and everything you want is close by ;being close to your partner.
Listening to him, getting lost in his eyes, warming up in his tender embrace and spending hours and hours enjoying his presence .
People look for activities to do together, places to visit and all kinds of ways to spend as much time together as possible.
The honeymoon phase usually occurs at the beginning of the relationship. At this point you can hardly keep your hands off your partner and the need to sew is very strong.
However, this phase passes over time. Reality sets in, the rose-colored glasses fall off and one longs for more freedom.
It doesn't mean that you love your partner less or are no longer in love, but it's only natural for a relationship to go through different stages and things like this happen.
And of course we know that the secret of a healthy and happy relationship is to always leave your partner enough space for him/herself and his/her own needs.
What happens but what if the relationship between closeness and distance is not in balance? What if one partner craves intimacy and closeness while the other needs some distance?
The proximity distance problem is something that occurs in all relationships and that every couple experiences during the relationship. However, it only differs in which phase of the relationship it occurs and how intense it is.
Because if the needs are too different, this can become a burden and lead to a relationship crisis.< /p>
To prevent this and to have a successful partnership, you have to find a balance of closeness and distance that suits both partners.
If you feel that you and your partner has this problem, then read on and learn everything about closeness and distance in relationships.
Table of contents show 1 Why does the closeness-distance- Problem? 2 How can you tell that proximity and distance are not in balance? 3 The getting to know phase: 4 The falling in love phase: 5 A long-term relationship:
Why does the proximity-distance problem arise?
The right measure; Finding the balance between sufficient closeness and the necessary distance is something every couple faces and what makes a relationship truly dynamic.
The need for closeness and distance is dependent from our behavior patterns, which we usually repeat uncontrollably in relationships.
However, the problem arises when the needs of the partners are too different and the root of this is in most cases the fear of loss and the fear of commitment.
People who fear loss , tend to cling to their partner and are mostly emotionally dependent.
Close-up partners constantly seek attention, validation and tokens of love from each other, which is great; en pressure on the other.
Here we also come to another problem and that is a lack of self-love. People who are not at peace with themselves are always looking for confirmation and approval from other people.
They are very insecure and usually do not trust their partner.
< p>On the other hand, the need for distance is closely related to the fear of attachment.
People suffering from this anxiety find it difficult to relate to people, build trust and show their vulnerability, so they need space and distance in a relationship.
All of these can arise from the negative experiences we carry with us from previous relationships.
When this is combined with the attachment behaviors or styles that we develop during childhood and adolescence, unhealthy relationship patterns emerge and one struggles to have a happy relationship.
In addition, nowadays the need for independence and the sense of self are very strong.
Each of us wants to have enough space in the relationship to make progress to work on ourselves and to develop our personality.
This means enough freedom to lead one's own life, pursue various hobbies, pursue a career and form relationships with other people maintain.
The proximity-distance conflict can occur at the beginning of the relationship, i.e. in the phase of getting to know each other, but also later in long relationships.
How do you know that closeness and distance are not in balance?
Although this is a natü al process, it can still put a heavy strain on the relationship and put it to the test.
Here are the warning signs that the conflict between closeness and distance has become a plague at different stages of the relationship, and advice on how to balance closeness and distance:
< h2>The introductory phase:
You meet someone, you like them. He is very interesting and you want to get to know him as well as possible, but it seems to be going too fast.
He asks too personal questions, demands too much physical contact or is completely im On the contrary, he acts like he is completely uninterested?
These are the moments when closeness and distance oppose each other. On the one hand it's quite normal because we have to get to know someone first and we can't know what they want and like and how they otherwise behave in relationships.
For example, if your crush spends a few hours hasn't responded to your messages for a long time, you could interpret this as if he isn't interested, when in fact he is busy with something important.
Then you ask yourself: Why isn't he getting in touch? Should I report? Is he interested in me at all? Why does it take so long for him to answer me?
On the other hand, the border violations can be very pronounced: When a person starts asking personal questions too quickly and Crossing intimacy boundaries can cause the other person to withdraw.
How is this conflict resolved?
First and foremost, it's important to realize that you and your crush aren't exactly the same when it comes to this. Second, communicate your needs right from the start.
For example, if a person asks for too much physical contact on a first date and it doesn't suit you, you can say it's a bit pushy . The most important thing is that you know what you want.
And thirdly, be patient and give the person some time to really get to know them, as in the getting-to-know-you phase you can't really see immediately how the other person works in these things until you find out a bit more about them.
Only then can you see whether you are a good match or not.
The infatuation phase:
As much as we want to spend time with our partner in the infatuation phase , comes the moment when reality takes us down from the pink clouds.
Since everyone falls in love in different ways, at different speeds and with different intensity, the problem of closeness and distance is very pronounced at this stage of the relationship.
Therefore, this is the stage when where most relationships unfortunately end due to the inability to find the ideal balance.
Signs that there is a conflict between closeness and distance may be that meetings are becoming less frequent, that a partner is feeling emotionally overwhelmed and is withdrawing as a result, or that the relationship status is not is clearly defined.
For example, if you see each other all the time, it is obvious that you like each other, but neither of you dares to open this topic and discuss whether your relationship has a future.
If the meetings become less frequent, it doesn't mean that you feel less in love than when you started or that you don't want to spend time with your partner .
You just go back to your life, interests and friends and try to reconcile your own life with the partnership.
How is this conflict resolved?
The universal solution to all problems is open communication. Open conversations make it easier for you to understand each other's behavior and support each other.
Also, by the time you fall in love, you already know each other well so you know what makes the other tick, making it easier to find a common language.
Maintain friendships outside of your relationship and yours your own hobbies and give each other enough freedom.
At this point, your relationship is still developing. How strong it will be depends on what foundations you lay now.
A long-term relationship:
You would think that in a long-term relationship there would be no such conflicts because you have known each other for a long time and have been together for a long time, so you know; what your partner needs and what suits him.
However, this is not always the case. People are constantly changing and so are our wishes and needs. The risk of closeness and distance becoming a burden in long-term relationships is even greater than in earlier phases.
This can lead to a crisis in the relationship that is difficult to get out of.
The most common warning signs are excessive arguments, lack of harmony in of the relationship, changes in the partner's behavior, but also in more severe cases an on-off relationship.
In one moment the partners cannot be with each other and in the other moment they cannot be without each other.
How is this conflict resolved?
It is important to be willing to compromise and come to a mutual solution through communication with your partner.
This is only possible if both are willing to compromise and make an effort to get the relationship out of the crisis.
Furthermore, this problem can be solved by finding common activities to participate in together to strengthen the bond and intimacy and to keep the necessary closeness alive.< /p>
Think about the beginning of your relationship and what you both enjoyed back then, specifically what kept the sparks going between you.
You can renew old memories, visit places you have travelled, do things you used to do and the like. This is how you renew your relationship and find a way to reconnect.
Cultivate what you have in common, spend time together and enjoy each other's company.
On the other hand, you should give each other space to develop your own ego, i.e. ie. to accept and respect the wishes and needs of the partner.
This means that everyone has the right to spend time with other people, to pursue other activities, to pursue their career or hobbies, or simply to have time for themselves and their own needs.
This creates a healthy distance and in any case a healthy partnership and a happy relationship.
If you feel that you cannot achieve this on your own, you can certainly consider couples therapy.
Professional help can certainly help you to find out where the root of your problems lies and how you can successfully balance closeness and distance.< /p>
The problem of closeness and distance in a relationship is certainly not uncommon, but it can cause certain problems when the partners are not on the same wavelength.
If when one is overly emotionally dependent while the other seeks distance and space for themselves, a conflict ensues that can make the relationship shaky.
It is important to determine where the problem lies and whether we are the ones who crave intimacy and closeness or distance and independence.
The answer to this question, as well as the lö The solution can be found in previous relationships and life experiences. From this we can determine whether we reflect this behavior in this relationship.
And what I haven't mentioned and which is really very important is self-love.
If we love ourselves enough, we won't need the validation or attention of others because we are self-sufficient to create the dose of independence that is needed in that case.
That Proximity-distance problem is definitely solvable, but it requires a lot of understanding, support and willingness to compromise from both partners.
It is necessary to find common activities, rituals and nurturing it while understanding the need for distance.
If you and your partner love each other and are willing to work on the relationship, this issue is just a small stumbling block that you can deal with will successfully overcome a bit of trouble.
Good luck!
P.S. This is the easiest way to put relationship problems to flight!
Sofia Müller
Relationship counselor Sofia Müller came to the conclusion that her articles and bü so she could reach and help more people, so she started her blog Your Way.
