The worst thing about being in a toxic relationship is the people who judge you or immediately label you as a weak person.
They hold you for someone who has very little or no self-esteem. They think you're too cowardly to save yourself. But they have no idea what it feels like.
Anyone who has ever had to go through it, anyone who has ever dealt with a toxic person in their life, knows how strong you actually have to be to go through anything.
I refuse to be ashamed of myself. I refuse to let anyone think I'm weak. Because I'm a strong person.
It takes a lot of strength to go through what I've been through and stay alive.
It took me a hell of a lot of courage to survive the end and stay on my feet. Yes, I'm a little bruised, but no one has ever won a fight without a scratch.
In toxic relationships, you get broken day by day, but you also develop one throughout the process incredible strength.
In toxic relationships you will hit rock bottom, but eventually you will get up.
Letting go is never easy, but you have to do it. Because letting go may not be easy, but holding on is much more difficult.
And you know what nobody else is talking about? People think that once you're out of the toxic relationship, it's over. But people are often wrong.
The aftermath of a toxic relationship always lingers a little longer.
God knows, in my case, the aftermath was just as bad as the toxic relationship itself.
What nobody tells you is the fact that no matter how toxic your partner may have been, no matter how much pain you went through, no matter how relieved you were when it was over, there was some love in that toxic relationship.
And that love is what you hold on to. That love is the only thing you're familiar with.
And after a while, when you get used to this toxic kind of love, you think that the only love that's “right” is the one that is similar to the previous one. Anything else you get feels wrong.
After a toxic relationship, normal love feels awkward.
I had a hard time accepting normal love until I realized that not all relationships are full of screams and fights, and they shouldn't be made to feel bad or even unhappy.
But the lessons you learn in life always come too late. You're never there at the right time. You have to push some great people away, just like I did, before you realize what you're doing.
And you push them away, not because you don't want them, but because you do because you don't know how to use them.
You push good people away because you're afraid of the unfamiliar feeling you get when someone treats you the way you deserve.
You push away. Another reason why the good people go away is because no matter how much you want to find your old love in them, you're still scared that what you wish for could happen.
Paradoxical and utterly muddled, but these are the consequences of being with a toxic person.
But a toxic love isn't a good reason for you to fear new love.
It takes time to get over what you've been through and cleanse your blood of all the poison, and you'll probably be mad that it's taking so long, but you also have to be patient.
Because it's going to hurt, but not forever. The past will torment and haunt you, but it won't last forever.
And then you learn to accept normal love. You will welcome someone who will choose to appreciate you and see things from your perspective instead of judging you.
You will see that what you had with your toxic partner wasn't even close to love.
You'll realize that you have to go through hell to be ready for heaven. You had to be with a toxic person to see the true value of those who treat you the way you deserve.
And no matter how late the lessons you learned came, you'll be thankful they came at all.
You'll thank God you didn't get what you wanted – that he didn't fix what was broken. Because instead of answering your prayers, letß make you realize that you deserve much more.
Because instead of getting what you wanted, you got what you need.
