The moment you find out that your loved one, whom you would tear your arms and legs off for, has cheated on you, our world falls apart.
It's a blow to the ego, but even more so to the sense of security within us.
No matter how strong you are, you too need someone who is in moments in which you are weak, is your refuge, a hug that says without words that everything will be alright… A synonym for home, happiness, love.
And it immediately disappears in the moment of bitter realization… Boom!
You feel like you are standing free in the rain while the cold wind blows, the raindrops whipping your cheeks and mixing with bitter tears. It's cold, your body is shaking and nobody is there to hug you.
You feel nauseous, you cry, sing, curse, words come out of your mouth and your head is boiling full of rage and looks like it's about to explode.
You lose your mind trying to process the horrible information, but it doesn't work. You are ashamed. Oh yeah, you're ashamed, even though you didn't do anything wrong.
Then the monologues usually start in your head full of question marks: „How could he? What did I do to deserve something like this? What's wrong with me?! does he love her does he still love me How long does it take? What else did he lie to me about? where was he yesterday …
A thousand questions and no answers.
You're wondering if it's even worth saving the relationship and if you even have the strength to rebuild trust and give him another chance…
Should I? Forgive scammers for cheating and deal with the time-consuming, energy-sapping and frankly painful relationship work?
How do I know me, is it really worth fighting for the relationship I have – or rather the relationship I was in?
You are now at a crossroads: forgive the cheating and stay together or draw a line and say goodbye to the cheater forever Turn your back?
To save you from sleepless nights and growing anger, here are the answers you're looking for.
Why do people cheat?
The first and fundamental question the dupe asks is: Why?
Why did he cheat on me? Am I not good enough? Doesn't he love me anymore? And similar questions that lead to a tangle of self-doubt and self-blame.
Confidence melts like an ice cube forgotten in the sun and the betrayed Partner doesn't believe in anything anymore, not even in himself.
To even consider forgiving cheating, one has to dig a little deeper to understand the act before we try to justify it.
The Reasons for infidelity can be varied and the most common are:
1. Relationship routine: When a relationship falls into monotony and the partners no longer prove their love to each other and take each other for granted as they did at the beginning of their relationship, the danger of cheating lurks at every turn.
You feel lonely in your own relationship. You forget what it feels like to be desirable and admired by a loved one and make up for it with an affair that makes you feel that way.
2. The allure of the forbidden: The forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest. There are many people who, despite being in happy relationships, betray their partner because the thrill of affairs brings them pure adrenaline and pleasure.
3. Revenge: One discovers that one's partner is cheating and seeks revenge in another's bed in order to inflict the same pain on them as they do on us.
The desire for this type of revenge can also be turned off Lack of understanding from the partner, his absence or after a quarrel.
4. ”The victim of circumstances”:Some people don't need a special reason for such an infidelity. If they see an opportunity for an affair, they will take advantage of that opportunity regardless of the consequences.
5. Bored in bed: The desire for something different and something new is stronger than the desire for loyalty.
Instead of communicating with the partner and trying new things together, people find one Way out in an intimate relationship with other people.
Whether it's just a slip-up or a longer affair – cheating is a warning sign that something is wrong in the relationship and that something urgently needs to change.
Is it worth fighting for the relationship or is it better is to back down depends on the person but also on the circumstances and these are the 5 times cheating can still be forgiven:
When is it worth forgiving of cheating?
1. Otherwise he was always honest with you
People don't change so dramatically overnight.
If during your relationship you feel like ;hl that you could always be honest with each other and if he has never given you a reason to question his faithfulness, you can consider forgiveness and a second chance.
Of course, at first, blinded by surprise and disappointment, you won't be able to see the nature of your relationship crystal clear.
But if you take a moment and think about itü If you think about it, you'll be able to conclude if there was ever a reasonable suspicion. It may be that this was really just a misstep and a moment of weakness.
Also, think about how you found out about the infidelity. This could speak to your partner's honesty and whether they are sorry because they mean it or just because they got caught.
Did they come and admit it themselves? or did you snoop around and find something out yourself?
2. It was a one time slip-up
The type of affair committed by the unfaithful partner also plays an important role. An affair that has been going on for a long time is not easy to end and it is even more difficult to get over it.
However, if it is just a slip-up, the cheating partner will find it easier to forgive such a breach of trust.
Whether your partner’s affair has been going on for a long time or is about engaging in a one-night stand can significantly affect your decision.
Cheating of any kind is painful, but if it really only happened once and never again, there is still a chance to rebuild trust and save the relationship.
3. Your love hasn't died out
They say if you love someone, you won't betray them. This is true in most cases, but there are many exceptions in life and there are also in this case.
It doesn't have to mean that there are no more feelings or that your partner loves you no longer loves when he has betrayed you. As crazy as it sounds, it just is.
When a relationship doesn't have the fire, passion and lust it had in the beginning, and when the couple doesn't work on the relationship, they become estranged and seek comfort in someone else's arms.
In many cases it turned out that the affair did something good for the relationship. She made the partners aware that they don't want to lose what they have and kindled the old fire of the relationship.
4. He really shows remorse and a guilty conscience
What can help you decide is how your partner deals with what they did. The key is whether he regrets it or doesn't show emotion.
If he admitted to you straight away about what happened, that's the first indication that he really cares that you do understand and forgive him.
You can also tell it from his face. If he deeply regrets what he did, the pain will take a toll on him. His guilty conscience does not allow him to sleep, eat and function normally.
If you notice these signs, consider them a good reason to decide to forgive the cheating.
5. He does his best to win you back
It's not about him buying you roses, writing songs, leaving messages on your door and getting on his knees, that's all ;while he begs your forgiveness. No.
He will show you his desire for a fresh start and a new chance by doing his best so you can trust him again.
He will show you that you can count on him by selling groceries buys, takes the kids to school, does the housework…
He will always write to you about where he is and what he is doing, even if you don't ask him to – all just to show you he's sorry and wants you to try again.
How can I forgive cheating: 5 tips for you
1. Accept it as something that cannot be changed
What happened cannot be undone. You should therefore stop giving yourself sleepless nights by shedding tears. Okay, you gotta let your feelings out.
It's not easy when the world turns upside down in a second, but you have to accept that what happened happened and that you can't turn back time.
You you don’t want one bad episode to ruin your whole life. So why should you feel sorry if you can't change anything?
Leave the past behind and look to the future, which you can create the way you want.
2. Start with brutally honest communication
The worst. Hearing the details of the affair that shook everything you believed in and held onto.
No matter how hard it may be to have an honest conversation about it’ Ber can help you see the bigger picture of the situation, understand his side of the story, and ultimately forgive him.
You don't need to know all the details, but there are a few things you need to know:
• What caused this?
? What's wrong with your relationship?
• How long did it take?
• Does she mean anything to him?
• Does he still love you?
• Is he willing to work on the relationship?
If you know when your partner’s affair started, you may be able to determine how the state of your relationship is getting to at that time.
If you know what kind of infidelity it is, you can also determine the extent of it. measure your injury and overcome it faster.
3. Give yourself enough time to think about it
One of the most important things is to put yourself first and not think about what comes third person will say how someone will feel etc.
Only you matter now. Even if you have children, don't immediately think about staying with your partner just for their sake, focus solely on yourself for the moment.
? Do I still love my partner?
• Am I willing to work on the relationship?
• Do I still want to stay with him?
If you're having trouble finding answers to these questions, you don't have to answer them right away. Give yourself enough time to think things over and weigh the pros and cons.
Visit a friend, your family or go somewhere for a few days. Distract your thoughts by reading books, gardening or exercising.
Only then can you keep a cool head and make the right decision. This also gives you a chance to see how willing you and your partner are to rebuild trust and fight for the relationship.
4. Set clear rules for your relationship
You decided to give your relationship another chance and try to do everything the way it was before? You have to be aware that it won't be exactly the way it was.
In any case, it's important to set the rules of the game and let your partner know next time they won't gets away. BUT.
Try without controlling him, without checking calls, messages and social networks and without spying on him. I know you want to know where he is and what he is doing.
I know you will be plagued by doubts. I know you'll be wondering if the same thing will happen again.
But trust me, this behavior will only get you the opposite. Instead, set boundaries loud and clear and show him he can't fool you.
If something like this happens again, pack your bags and go forever.
5. Include a couples therapist in your situation
When dealing with relationship cheating, it is very important to seek professional help.
In most cases, it can betrayed person cannot deal with it alone due to shattered self-confidence, while an unfaithful partner feels remorse and regret.
Couples therapy not only helps you look at the relationship objectively and gain a new perspective, but also gives you helpful tips on how to deal with cheating.
With the help of an expert, you can understand the importance of forgiveness and give it back to your partner trust. Provided, of course, that your partner is as involved in the therapy as you are and tries to make the situation better.
Forgiving cheating doesn't necessarily mean staying together?
What now? What is she talking about?
I want you to realize that even if you can forgive and get over your partner's cheating, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll stay together.
Cheating can be a trigger for a number of other problems. Even if you manage to forgive your partner, you may not be able to stay in an emotional relationship with them. And that's okay.
This doesn't mean that you didn't fight for your relationship or that you gave up on it. Forgiving is hard enough, and doing just that is a great accomplishment.
First and foremost, the goal is to forgive, and achieving that is critical to your mental and emotional well-being.
Once you've taken this step, you can do whatever you want, whether you get back together or part on good terms.
However, there are situations where you should never stay with an unfaithful partner and these are:
1. If the scam is repeated again
2. If he shows no signs of regret or guilt
3. If he doesn't try to earn your trust again
4. When he only blames you for the problems in your relationship
5. If you haven't had feelings for him for a while
6. If you cannot withstand the pressure of constant doubts and questions and therefore cannot function in everyday life
7. If staying together is severely affecting your health by not sleeping and eating regularly.
Remember this: nothing is worth it if you are not happy are you. You need a partner and not a person who causes you problems and does not fight for you.
Finally, when you are wondering whether you should stay with your partner, your gut feeling tells you, what you should do Listen to it!
Only you know what is best for you and if you believe that you can forgive the cheating and keep the relationship going, then you will be even stronger .
If your gut tells you that the best thing to do is to walk away, listen and don't look back.