Louise and Adam have known each other for almost 7 years and have been in a relationship for 5 years.
They met because a number of circumstances brought them into the same circle of friends.
They sparked from day one, but they didn't want to immediately admit to themselves that there was something more than friendship between them.
When they finally told us that they were dating, nobody was surprised.< /em>
We were just surprised it hadn't happened sooner.
As Louise's friend, I had the opportunity to be a part of her life and happiness that they shared.
Being a part of their holidays, birthdays, anniversaries as well as the good and not so good moments and it was nice to see how they loved each other, how they grew together as a couple and how they made each other happy.
We all considered them the ideal couple and envied their partnership that we would all like to have.
After a while, hers seemed love to fade however.
Their smiles faded, their intimacy faded, they seemed cold and distant and they weren't the ideal Hollywood movie couple anymore and that left&rsz; feel yourself in the air.
I confidentially asked Louise if everything was ok with them and she answered directly without hesitation that they hadn't been happy together for a long time and that their relationship wasn't going well.
”He is too jealous, has no trust and we fight all the time. It takes a lot of my energy and nerves.”
They tried to work on the relationship but to no avail. Nevertheless, they decided to stay together.
I didn't want to go into it without being asked, but Louise herself admitted that she would like to leave Adam and move on to a new beginning, but she just can't.
The first thing that came to my mind was that maybe she is pregnant, maybe they have financial problems, etc. A million thoughts ran through my mind, but what she answered I didn't expect: she told me she I’m afraid of breaking up and that’s why she’d rather be unhappy with Adam than be single again …
And listen here this story.
The story of two unhappy people who drive each other to hopelessness and unhappiness.
Two people whose love is already dead, whose habits and breakups’ However, fears are stronger than the desire for a new beginning and a new love.
But Louise and Adam aren't the only ones desperate to keep their sinking ship afloat even though it's almost touching the sea floor.
Many people find themselves in toxic, unhappy lives Relationships and can't draw the line.
But what's the point? Why do people stay in unhappy relationships and deprive themselves of the feeling of experiencing all the charms and beauties of love again?
Why do they have separation anxiety and how can it be overcome?
If you are one of them, then read on to find the answers to these breakup questions.
What is the expression of the fear of breakup?
Fear of separation is expressed in a number of ways and these are some of the most common symptoms:
•Emotional dependency on partner
< p>• Constant clinging to partner
• Outbursts of jealousy, mostly for no reason
? Panic when separated from partner (business trip or similar)
• Mania for control and distrust of the partner
Fighting with guilt and sentences like: I can't do this to my partner, my children have to grow up in a real family, etc.
Fear of separation: the most common causes
In general, we all have a certain degree of of fear of separation. We know how painful it is and we wonder what our life would be like without this very important person.
We wonder if we will regret our decision to break up, if we can overcome lovesickness, if we will ever find love again.
It's all part of the breakup and love relationships.
However, staying in an unhappy relationship can lead to great stress and serious health problems even leading to depression.
However, the fear of separation can develop in childhood, when the child has experienced the death of a parent or the separation of the parents or if it has constantly moved and thus changed schools, friends etc., which also leads to fear of loss.
Besides childhood , which strongly shapes us, there are other reasons why people choose to remain in an unhappy relationship:
1. “I don’t deserve true love…”
Low self-esteem is one of the most common reasons people settle for less and why they remain in the bondage of unhappy and toxic relationships.
A person who has a healthy self-image and is at peace with themselves will not allow themselves to be unhappy.
A dose of selfishness that forces a person to put themselves first and create their life the way they want is exactly the key to happiness.
On the other hand, people with low self-esteem feel less worthwhile, they think they don't deserve love and then count themselves lucky if there is someone in this
world who who wants them.
So they settle for less, they agree to be deceived, controlled, manipulated just to feel at least a little desirable for being in a relationship.
2. “I’m too old to start over.”
A lot of people think they are too old to start over and love again, so they cling a relationship or marriage, no matter how bad it may be.
It's just one of a number of typical stereotypes that people over 40 don't get a new chance at love. However, divorce or separation in old age can also have advantages.
It is likely that the children are already grown. Now you can do whatever you want – travel and dedicate as much time as you want.
You are independent and can finally choose a person who makes you truly happy.
Or you can choose not to be with anyone – it is your own life and it is up to you to decide how it should be.
3. “It will be better after all…”
Positive thinking and optimism are number one when it comes to saving a relationship.
Many relationships and marriages reach a crisis where both partners have to do their best to overcome it together and strengthen the relationship.
What gives them strength is the thought that things will get better, but in some situations even that is not enough.
If the relationship is still shaky despite all attempts to save it, it's time to break up.
People blindly follow the thought “It will get better”.
They hope for changes that will happen in most families. never occur. For example with a partner who is unfaithful, violent, manipulative or jealous.
These are traits that unfortunately don't change in humans and in most cases never get better.
4. “There is no such thing as a happy relationship.”
Some people mistakenly think that happy relationships don't exist at all.
And this belief makes them live in an unhappy marriage or relationship for many years.
Psychologists believe that this type of belief emerges in childhood – maybe you never had an example of true love between parents or you had bad experiences in previous relationships.
Very often spouses get used to living in a toxic relationship and do not intend to divorce even after realizing the futility of their marriage.
That's because habit is as much a part of love as passion and intimacy.
This is why unhappy marriages and relationships can last for a long time.
5. ”But what about the kids?”
Having children together is perhaps one of the main reasons people don’t divorce.
And that's actually quite understandable.
Primarily because we are aware of the negative effects that divorce has on children.
Children can experience guilt, anxiety, ;feeling insecurity.
Although parents believe that it is healthier for children to grow up with both parents, children living in unhappy marriages face psychological pressures on a daily basis and feel the severity of the unhealthy relationship between them the parents.
Constant arguments and disagreements between parents bring chaos and destruction to a child’s life.
Very often children blame each other for all the troubles that occur in the family.
Therefore, the best way out will be a civilized separation.
Even though divorce can cause stress for children, it is still better for them than growing up in a toxic environment.
< h2>6. ”What will people say?”
Ridiculous as it may sound, in some settings the opinions of other people such as neighbors, co-workers and family members still count big role.
People stay together because of this, especially in marriage, because for God's sake it's a shame to get divorced.
It's precisely because of this imposed opinion that people feel pressured because they believe that others will look at them with different eyes.
Divorce or separation is a decision made by two people because they have realized that it is no longer working and that their paths in life are parting.
It should be between the two no matter what the environment says.
7. ”At least I’m not alone…”
Some people are so used to living in partnership that the mere thought of being alone in them, to say the least , causes panic attacks.
You are aware that your partner is bad for you, that he has more bad sides than good.
He can cheat, cheat, lie and even hit them, but they always comfort themselves with the thought, “Whatever, at least I'm not alone.”
This usually happens to People who have experienced childhood trauma or have been neglected by their parents.
They are desperate for any form of attention and feed on the drops of love their partner gives them.
8. ”I’m not self-employed…”
Sometimes an unhappy marriage becomes a trap and it is money that keeps spouses together.
The main reason people stay together despite a lack of love and understanding is fear, financially Difficulty getting stuck.
This is most often the case when one partner has no job, no money or no other place to live while the other supports him/her financially.
They live in a shared apartment or house and do not have enough financial stability to move out and become independent.
To get out of a financial trap, people should stop sacrificing your professional and personal development for the sake of your family.
When you are financially independent, you can always leave a person you no longer love and you don't have to leave the “right moment” wait.
9. ”What could he do to me?”
Sometimes the fear of separation does not necessarily come from childhood and is not always formed on a psychological basis.
Unfortunately, there are many women who are victims of domestic violence, but they hide their suffering cleverly the environment because they are afraid for their own life or that of their children.
There is a fear that the partner will respond violently at the mere mention of a breakup, but also that they will continue to stalk their partner or seek revenge on people their partner cares about once they make up their minds to leave him.
In any case, this is already a serious situation that can hardly be solved without the help of social services, police, social distancing and the like.
7 tips for dealing with fear of separation
Fear of breaking up due to lack of money, lack of confidence and other reasons can increase significantly, but the good news is that it can be overcome.
The end of a relationship is hard to bear, but it's not the end of your life.
Don't waste time worrying about your relationship ending, because in doing so you'll miss out on all the great things happening right before your eyes.
Here's how to get out of the separation anxiety zone:
1. Remember your life before the partnership
If you are afraid of being left alone and if the fact that you will lose your partner scares you, remember that you also had a life before your partner.
You may have been single, independent, dated friends, other people, etc. Remember that there is life beyond partnership.
That single people are happy people too and that being alone is better than being unhappy your whole life.
2. Think of all the obstacles you've overcome so far
This is probably not the first breakup you've experienced and it probably won't be the last.
Remember that you were already suffering from lovesickness and the pain of separation, but recovered and moved on.
It will be the same this time.
And if you've never broken up with someone, for example because you've been with your partner since school, think of some other obstacles you've overcome.
Maybe you got fired once, maybe you failed an important exam, maybe you lost a friend, family member or something.
And you survived everything and got stronger.
Let it be your guiding principle and a sign that you are strong and brave enough to survive anything and stand up stronger than ever.
Let it give you the strength to do that Leaving adversity behind and turning to a new beginning.
3. Focus on yourself
You may find the breakup difficult because you are too used to spending time with your partner.
Perhaps you were so fixated on the relationship that you neglected yourself and your wants and needs to some degree.
It's time to be yourself Dedicate yourself and put yourself first.
Devote yourself to your career, find a new hobby, go out, meet new people, travel to new places, sign up for a class, learn something new.
In all of this, once you decide to leave the toxic relationship behind, you will see the good sides of single life and prepare yourself for a fresh start.< /p>
4. Don't listen to what others say
Don't let the opinions of others rule your life.
You are the one who lives her life, arranging it the way she wants.
You are the smith of your own happiness and don't let anyone else take that away from you.
Even if that means to cut ties with some people, your happiness should come first.
And remember: It doesn't matter how you act, people always talk.
5. Take it step by step
Once the idea of ending your relationship has crossed your mind, you don't need to take the big step right away to end things, especially if you're not sure what you really want.
A good way to deal with this is to give yourself some space to organize your feelings and make the right decision.< /p>
For example, you can spend a week with your family or friends.
This also gives you a little test run so you can see what you really want and how you feel if you don't come along as often are with your partner.
6. Looking for support
During difficult times we always need support and an unhappy relationship and wanting to break up is certainly a difficult time.
It is important that you are not alone in this chaos of thoughts and feelings.
Talk to your best friend and get advice from your favorite people.
You can ask your Ä ;Share your fears and experiences with people who feel the same way by joining a support group.
However, if your fears are very big; you can always turn to a psychotherapist who will surely be able to help you deal with your fears better.
If your partner is violent and you're afraid of breaking up because of it, contact social services and the police, and seek help from your family so you don't have to go through this hell alone.
7. Give yourself time
And in the end, it's important not to put too much pressure on yourself.
While for some people breaking up a long-term relationship or marriage is a piece of cake, for people with separation anxiety it seems to be the most difficult step in their life journey.
So take the time to find the best strategy to end the relationship without hurting yourself or your partner.
If possible, end the relationship on good terms to make it easier for you to do so and overcome the breakup as quickly as possible.
Bottom line: The fear of breakup forces people to stay in relationships that drain their energy and last spark of happiness.< /p>
Rather than get rid of the hell of a toxic relationship, people with separation anxiety fall further into it and deprive themselves of the opportunity to feel true love.
Separation anxiety can however, can be overcome.
With enough self-love and patience one can work miracles and thus reject the unhealthy relationship and take that leap towards a new love and a new, better life!