What the hell happened? One day it seemed like everything was fine between us and the next day he was lost and scared.
He said it was all too quick and easy to ü be overwhelming. He said he felt lost. He lost track of himself and his wishes.
So he asked me if I could give him time to think about everything.
I said I would give him as much time as he needed, but everything inside me was screaming NO . I didn't want us to be apart.
I didn't need time. I knew what I wanted, he was what I wanted and I had absolutely no doubts about it.
But what should I have done can? Force him to stay? That was not an option.
I would have done anything for him, I would have moved mountains to make him happy, I would have been willing to compromise, but the only thing i would never do is ask him to stay if he wants to leave.
And although his wishes broke my heart, I had no choice but to than to fulfill them.
I couldn’t physically stop him, I couldn’t run after him and scream about how amazing I was, how good we had it together, how many amazing things were yet to come ;rden.
I couldn't because it didn't make sense; he should already know that.
And if he didn't feel the same way I did, then what else could I do but let him and hope deep down that with the distance the love in his heart will really grow.
I hoped so. But somehow I prepared myself for the worst.
I tried to be rational about all the pain going through me.
I knew that it could all go either way, that he could never come back and I could lose him forever.
I wanted to fight for us. I wanted to call him. I wanted to write to him.
I wanted to knock on his door in the middle of the night and yell at him for being so stupid and heartless to let me go.
I wanted him to hug me, kiss me, calm me down and tells me he's not going anywhere, that he's here to stay.
I wanted to do this more than anything, but I decided to do it stronger to be than myself.
I remembered all the real life examples of my friends who were in similar situations.
They chased after their partner like there was nothing else in life. They texted.
They texted even when their messages were ignored.
They called them until they didn't see the point anymore or until they pissed them off.
They did basically everything they could think of to keep her in their lives a little longer, but it just pulled them further apart and there was no turning back.
I figured that whatever I choose, I'll take the same risk of losing him.
Will he miss me if I leave him alone leave?
Will he realize that he loves me?
I really didn't know. But I chose this strategy.
I decided to respect his wishes and see what will happen.
I figured if nothing else I would at least keep my dignity if things didn't go the way I wanted.
I decided to act like we had broken up and like there was nothing I could really do.
I was so sad that words cannot describe it, but I knew there was no other option.
I had to mourn my lost love.
I needed to get my life back on track and see who I am without him, who I am without him in my life.
So that's exactly what I did. I started to rebuild myself, my life and my dreams.
Sure, it was anything but easy. I've had my ups and downs. I had days where I lay in bed wide awake and couldn't get him out of my head.
I had days where I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.
I had days when I couldn't move. I had days when I ruled the world. But that's all part of life.
When I finally moved on, when I made peace with the fact that we're part of the past, something shocking happened….
He started chasing after me. He realized he was just kidding. That he just got scared.
But at the time, I wasn't the one who didn't know what to say.
I was the one whose heart was breaking in millions of tiny pieces. pieces had been broken.
I was the one who had to glue all those pieces back together. But I was also the one who still loved him with every broken piece.
And after a period of him fighting doggedly to win me back, I gave him a second chance.
To this day I haven't regretted it and I hope I never will.