I admit it!
I have you all power over me given because I thought you would love me as much as I loved you.
I thought I was everything you are looking for and that you finally found your home in my arms should have.
But I was so wrong. And do you know what the worst part was?
Deep down I had the strangest feeling that you weren't the man of my dreams. I had a feeling that you were only there for a short time and that you would leave when you found someone new.
But every time you hug me from behind and smelled my hair and told me you loved me, I could forget everything I was thinking about before.
I just told myself I was thinking too much ü about little things and that I shouldn't think so negatively. I really wanted to be happy, so I just went with the flow.
That's how our story began and even when I was happy you did things that bothered me every now and then. And over the years it became so many things I couldn't take anymore.
Because every time I said you hurt me, you promised you'd never do it again ;rdest, and said you were sorry. And I, stone blind with love, gave you all your shitß bought.
I put up with your crap for so long because I thought you would change for me.
I thought you just needed a little more time, to realize how amazing I am and you don't have to look for another woman because you can love me.
But despite all my desire for change, nothing happened. I was still the woman who stayed up all night waiting for you to come home, sitting alone and staring out the window.
My only friends were all those dull morning hours when I was alone and tired waiting for you.
I still wanted you to come after me, show me that I was good enough and lovable and tell me that you are the happiest man in the world because you found me.
But it never came to that. With every word that came out of your mouth, my hope for love and a better future dwindled.
And suddenly I realized that the whole thing was just repeating itself and that nothing made any sense anymore. And you acted like everything was fine and I was wondering what I could have done better.
But now I want to tell you something that I want to tell you wanted to say all along.
You missed that chance, you made a mistake and you screwed everything up.
Not me, like you always claimed it. I know that sounds brutal, but that's all I wanted to tell you.
I know that you like it when everything goes the way you want it to and I know that you like it. also that you don't like the person I've become. But you know what?
You made me this woman. To a woman with so many scars and open wounds on her heart, but still standing on her two feet because she didn't let an asshole destroy her.
You made me this way and I won't let you fool me anymore. My only regret is that it took me so long to let you go – but better late than never.
Now I realize that we were not a perfect couple and that I have always had much more compassion and love for others than you have always had for yourself only attended to your needs.
Maybe you just can't love, maybe you've been hurt so badly that you've built emotional walls of protection around yourself.
But that's still not enough of a reason to hurt someone, especially if you say so for loving him.
I don’t want you to think that you broke me so badly that I cant get a grip on myself; you didn't. I'm slowly learning how to heal and I just wanted to write this letter for myself.
When I read it I will definitely be sure that letting you go was the right thing to do. Sometimes it helps if you read something because you'll believe a piece of paper more than your own head.
I just hope that one day you'll realize what you had and what you lost have. And I hope that it will hurt you as much as it has hurt me every time you neglected me.
It shouldn't hurt you anymore and hurt no less.
I just want you to feel the same dose of pain that I do. And trust me, it will be enough to break your heart.
Then you will realize that you have lost the best thing in your life and that you will look for me in every woman who you will meet after me – but none of them will have the same twinkle in their eyes.
With these words I bring my story to an end and tell myself once and for all that in reality you really mean anything to me don't mean anything anymore.