Have you ever noticed that when choosing a partner, we always choose the same or at least similar partners?
Have you ever wondered why you attracted to men with a certain hair color, demeanor, status and the like?
The answer lies in our prey pattern. The exact definition of prey schema is: ”identification of suitable prey animals characteristic of certain carnivores”, which means that certain animals recognize their prey by certain characteristics.
We see why this could be used figuratively when it comes to mate-finding: one becomes the hunter and the other the prey with traits that are extremely valuable to the hunter. are attractive in the first place.
However, loot schemes can sometimes give us problems. How often do you hear: I always fall in love with the wrong men…
Why am I always attracted to emotionally crippled men? Why can't I find a real partner?
What is it really about? Which characteristics play an important role when choosing a partner?
Why do we always feel attracted to a certain type of man or woman and is there anything that can be changed?
Find out below!
Loot Schemes: The Crucial Criteria
Many factors influence our loot scheme: already in childhood and in the relationship to parents and between parents.
In childhood we create attachment styles that can later be reflected in our partner choices and relationship patterns in adulthood.
If the child grew up in an unstable family or if their parents divorced, there is one good chance that as an adult it will seek security and stability in its partner.
If the relationship between the child and the parents was cold and distant and if the child felt unloved, there is a high chance that attachment disorder will develop and later many relationships will break down because of this.
Since our parents are our first love, there is a good chance that our partners will resemble our fathers or mothers because they shape our perceptions and expectations.
Furthermore, our prey scheme is not only shaped by childhood and the relationship with our parents.
This includes bad relationship experiences in the past, like an unfaithful ex-partner, a toxic relationship, etc.
Our prey scheme is also influenced by the environment and the socially and culturally imposed standards of good and bad, for example in terms of appearance, status, way of life and the like.
For example, whether we grew up in a conservative or a more liberal society.
Someone who grew up in a more conservative society is likely to place more value on monogamy, loyalty, trust, etc.
Our lifestyle also plays a big role.
If you For example, if you're a sports freak, you're more likely to be attracted to someone who's also into sports.
This makes sense too, because you're more likely to meet someone who's more like you is when you move in the same circles.
However, these are some of the criteria that influence our search pattern:
Although it is not crucial when choosing a partner, we pay attention to appearance at first glance, so appearances still matter.
Due to appearance we form a personal first impression and our own opinion about that person.
Of course you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but if you find someone attractive, that attraction develops between two people, which is also important for the later relationship.
What makes people attractive does vary from person to person.
Some women like a man with a beard, some don't, some men like blondes, some like brunettes, etc.
All these external things like hair color, eyes, height, physique, dress style, posture etc. have different effect on different people as two people never have exactly the same opinion about a person can.
Additionally, both men and women are more attracted to people who are positive, exude positive energy, and who they feel comfortable around.
So sometimes looks take a backseat while it counts whether someone is nice, charming, friendly, etc.
Because the more things we have in common with someone, the greater the bond between us.
It's easier to create trust between people and it's a nice feeling when you know that you can share your opinions, interests and even humor with someone.
Research has shown that couples who have more in common are happier in their relationships.
In any case, common interests are very important for maintaining a good relationship.
Because the more time we spend with the hobbies we love and with a partner who loves the same thing, we both enjoy it – because neither one has to adapt to the other.
So we spend more time together, get to know each other even better and the better we know someone, the more we like them and the connection only grows deeper.
The conclusion is: the more similarities, the better.
3. Attachment behavior
You have met a man who you find very attractive and who has all the physical characteristics that your dream man should have?
< p>You also have a lot in common. You both love the same movies, the same series, you are crazy about adventure and travel etc.
Everything fits together. But he is not looking for an exclusive relationship, but a friendship plus.
He doesn't believe in monogamy while you can't imagine any other form of relationship?
And this is where you part ways because neither he nor you fit into your prey pattern in terms of relationship behavior .
It is also important here that the two people's views agree so that a connection can be made between them.
All other factors become secondary when two People don't want the same thing from each other in the relationship.
Your potential partner is a couch potato and you more of a globetrotter?
You are very frugal while he lives luxuriously?
You get up at 6 am every morning up, living healthy while he's never been to the gym?
He's academically educated and successful, while you'd rather pursue your craft?
All of this is of course acceptable and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you are happy and content with your life.
However, people with the same lifestyle have a better chance of making a connection and love between them developed.
Having the same lifestyle does not have to be crucial, but it is of great importance, otherwise it can lead to disagreements and arguments in a relationship and ultimately to a breakup.
< h3>5. Settings & Values
A person who is very energetic and positive will certainly not be attracted to a person who radiates negative energy and is filled with pessimism.
The same is true vice versa because the energies just aren't ü match and there can be no good connection.
When choosing a partner, we also pay attention to the values that they value and consider important.
For example, if we are religious and value family and community while the other person doesn't care about any of that, there is little chance that they are a potential candidate for a relationship or life together.< /p>
For example, if you want to have children while his career and quest for success are his priorities, you probably won't get along very well in this regard as it doesn't fit your prey pattern.
Of course you will feel more connected to someone with whom you share the same attitudes towards life, the world and the same values.
Can you change your loot schemes and how?
If you've found that in your past relationships there were always the same issues and if you always dated the wrong men like those bad boys guys who break your heart, you're probably wondering how you can change that.
While most of us have a more or less developed loot pattern, we can still help transform it for our own benefit.
You can do the same with these 5 tips:
1. Know yourself and your own needs
First, stop for a moment and think a little about what you really value in a partner and a want relationship. Imagine your dream partner.
Forget for a moment what consciously or unconsciously attracts you to your prey pattern and focus on what is good for you.
A man who is attractive, smart, etc. and who will love you exploits, manipulates and breaks your heart over and over again is certainly not the right man for you.
No matter how much he attracts you, he's not worth your suffering. Instead, focus on the traits in your partner that can make you happy in the long-term, not the short-term, and I believe you'll be much happier in your mate choice.
2. Learn from past experiences
Analyze your past relationships and the things that went wrong.
You can learn whatever you want from this, what you did wrong, what your partner did wrong and based on that you will be ready to be a dream girl for the next partner.
3. Give men who don't fit your prey pattern a chance
Sometimes we just need to think outside the box and look around to see some things to see a bit more clearly.
Sometimes what can make us happy in the long run is right under our noses and we don't see it because we're too busy looking for something ideal look for something that doesn't exist.
Give men a chance who you might not think is the man of your dreams at first glance. You know never.
4. Enjoy your single life
Before you find someone who fits all your criteria, first spend some time with yourself.
< p>Being single has many benefits and it is an ideal opportunity for you to do some self-reflection, build your self-love and confidence and understand what you are doing wrong and what you really want.
5. Talk to an expert
If you're dying to break out of your looting pattern and don't know how to do it on your own, don't be afraid to seek professional help.
I'm sure you can expert advice and a little will can change a lot!
Conclusion: Each of us has our own prey scheme that decides whether someone is a good potential partner or not.< /p>
Sometimes we do this consciously and sometimes unconsciously, shaped by past experiences, our environment and imposed standards.
Sometimes the prey pattern can also be bad for us when we are always attracted to the wrong kind of people, but the good thing is that we can more or less change it.
The most important thing is to find a person who is like you in the sense that she loves you and makes you happy. Let this be your new criterion for your loot scheme! ❤