In an ideal world, we would all be honest with each other and tell each other the truth face to face.
Or not?
Lies have short legs and while the emphasis is always on being honest and telling the truth, whether we like it or not, we all tell a few little lies every now and then to get around Protecting someone's feelings and at least softening the truth a little.
How many times have you praised a gift you received when you didn't really know what to do with it?
How many times have you said that you are fine even though you had a storm of emotions inside you because of the problems you were having, but you didn't want to bother anyone?
Yes, yes, sometimes we all resort to small emergency lies, taking into account other people's feelings and the desire not to hurt them.
But what about serious lies, that can destroy any type of relationship, especially a love relationship?
Honesty is seen as the foundation of any healthy relationship on which mutual trust, respect and ultimately love are based and without these components no relationship is one bright future.
However, the question arises as to how much dishonesty and lying affect the relationship and whether sometimes it's okay to resort to lying for the well-being of the relationship and your partner.
What what to do when your partner is lying to you?
You should read on to find out the answers!
Lying in a relationship: why lie? shall we?
Avoiding Punishment
When we are asked why we lie, we can also look to childhood for an answer. People lie from a young age to avoid punishment.
When a child stands next to a smeared wall with a pen in hand and the mother asks him who did it, the child says : “It wasn't me.”
When a teenager whose mother forbids her to go to a concert says she's going to a slumber party at her friend's house and they both meet sneak into the concert …
It's all in some way an integral part of our life and nature and the desire to avoid punishment for wrongdoing.
Pursuit of Success
Some people let it move away from the motto “”walk over dead bodies” guide and will do whatever it takes to get what they want. They use lies, tricks and deception.
For example, while lying about work experience to increase employment opportunities may be considered a necessary lie, as opposed to all the other things they are capable of.< /p>
Other people's approval and attention
People lie about their own accomplishments or likes to gain other people's attention and approval and to be accepted in society.
An example of this is when someone says they love rock music just because the majority of people in that group love that type of music.
Avoiding an awkward situation
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Leaving a boring party due to a babysitter emergency, ending a phone call by pretending someone was on the door, etc.
Be honest Haven't we all done this at some point to avoid getting into an embarrassing situation or a boring situation.
Caring for others' feelings
Have you ever avoided dating a man you don't like by telling him you're already dating someone? Instead of saying he's not your type?
Have you ever lied that you're on a diet and don't eat sweets because you bought the cake a colleague brought to work did not like? Well, unfortunately sometimes you need these little untruths.
Pathological lying
A person who has a constant need and habit to lie, cheat, and manipulate is called a pathological liar.
Pathological liars have a special one A way of lying that has no particular reason or purpose, it's just their daily routine.
They are usually unaware of their lies because they themselves believe that what they are saying is actually true. They are always trying to present themselves in the best light and manipulate people to their advantage.
These are mostly people with a personality disorder such as narcissists.
How do you recognize a liar?
1. Swear and the emphasis on truth
I swear, I tell the truth, I swear on my mother, To tell you honestly, Believe me, it's a factetc. These are some examples of the speech you may hear when someone is lying to you.
Of course there is no universal rule, nor does it have to mean that a person is lying when they swear.
However, if this is repeated and they need to emphasize the truth, there may not be any truth. Because if you're telling the truth, why emphasize it?
2. Body language
It is well known that people who lie to you cannot make eye contact and that a lie can be identified by body language.
For example nervousness, face touching with hands, looking the other way, not blinking and the like.
These signs will be present in most cases, except perhaps for pathological liars because it is difficult to tell if they are telling the truth or not because they are so adept at it.
3. Repetition
When someone starts to stammer and repeats words or phrases, it is a sign that they are trying to think, what to say next. This can indicate that you have something to hide.
Compare their nervous speech with their normal speech. Some people always stammer, so for them it would be a normal part of speech and not an indication of dishonesty.
4. Pause Before Answering
A long or unusual pause before someone answers a question can be an indication that they are lying. This is especially true when the answer should be simple and obvious.
A pause before answering a seemingly simple question can mean they're trying to keep track of what they've already said and how to keep the lie going.
< h2>5. Look at the door
Unconsciously we look where we want to go. Someone who is uncomfortable may look at the door, or at least break eye contact with you, when they are lying.
Others may be checking the clock and signaling their desire, not to spend more time here.
6. Intuition
Sometimes intuition itself and gut feeling can tell you whether someone is lying to you or not. Be sure to listen to what they tell you as they are right in most cases.
8 reasons why lying is toxic to a relationship
< p>The question arises to what extent lies affect the stability of a relationship. By that I don't mean a white lie, but those cases in which the partner lies about important things.
Big lies are a real poison for a relationship and here are the reasons why:
1. Lying in a relationship destroys trust
From small lies to big ones. They are like rust that accumulates on the ship of your relationship over time, destroying it step by step.
One lie is enough to shake trust, let alone if this is repeated day after day.
Everything a healthy relationship should be based on is questioned and you find yourself thinking about what else your partner lied to you about, how you didn't realize it and the like.
Which in turn calls the whole relationship into question as the trust slowly fades away.
2. Lying in a relationship is a sign of disrespect
Telling the truth, no matter how bad, makes the recipient feel respected.< /p>
It is evidence that the other person places significant value in the relationship and is unwilling to jeopardize it through deception.
While some truths clearly jeopardize a relationship; lying tends to be even more damaging.
Telling the truth to someone even when you know it will hurt them shows that you are willing to take responsibility for owning his actions and not looking for excuses.
3. Repeated lies are expected
If you tell a lie once, you will lie again. Hmm, maybe not in all cases, but that's what the partner who's been lied to will certainly think so, because you can't know if that will happen again.
This causes the person who's been lied to to have self-doubt develops and wonders how she could not see the signs of cheating, which significantly affects self-confidence.
In addition, there is pressure from the constant expectation of new lies. ”Where will he go now?” He definitely doesn't go out with friends. “He will lie to me again and things like that.”
All of this is very damaging to the relationship because you can’t handle that much pressure. p>
4. Lying breeds jealousy
Lying also leads us to an escalation of an unwanted emotion, namely jealousy.
If your partner lied to you about spending Saturday night at the apartment with a friend while he was actually in town late at night, he could have been with another woman too being together.
And you wouldn’t know either.
He might not want you to worry or anything, but you definitely won't see, you'll want to think and control his every move.
5. Lying in a relationship easily leads to cheating
Lying is a vicious circle that has no way out.
Once the vessel has been broken, hl has the ability to lie to his partner whenever he wants without him knowing it is unlikely to stop, which can lead to more serious breaches of trust such as an infidelity.
< p>On the other hand, the person who is constantly being lied to by their partner and knows it, feels unhappy, disrespected, exploited and unwanted in such a relationship and may want this through an intimate-emotional Make up for a relationship with someone else.
6. Lying blocks intimacy in a relationship
Intimacy is based on trust and openness – the ability to become vulnerable or open towards one's partner not only physically but also emotionally.
Distrust in a relationship arises when that intimacy is prevented, and hiding the truth and telling lies does exactly that.
When a person lies from the beginning of a relationship or pretends to be something it really isn't, if it hides some of its properties or such, the bond is doomed from the start.
You realize you're in a relationship with a person you don't really know, which threatens an emotional connection.
7. Feelings of guilt and the consequences that come with it
Proximity and certain topics are often avoided after the initial lie. It can sometimes be unconscious as a person is busy with work, friends or hobbies leaving no time for private and open conversations with the partner.
The liar has a guilty conscience and is also afraid of being exposed. Entangled in the web of his own lies, he knows; the liar no longer remembers what he has and has not said and fears not to betray himself.
Therefore, the easiest thing for him to do is to distance himself from his partner in order to avoiding serious conversations and not having to lie.
8. Lying in a relationship can easily lead to a breakup
When the truth is revealed and brought to light, its impact is often enlightening.
However, finding the truth can be devastating and traumatic, especially when you realize that the person you love so much is you has cheated. One doubts everything – what she is and how she feels about you.
Unfortunately, victims of lies often blame themselves, especially when the relationship isn't working out.
Victims ask themselves whether to break up or stay with their partner, but the decision to forgive lies is entirely up to them.
Even if the relationship survives , there is still a gap due to breach of trust. It will certainly be a long time before the full truth is accepted.
In any case, reality will change and it will take time for trust to be restored.
How do you deal with lies in a relationship?
You suspect that your partner is being dishonest with you, not only when he tells you that a dress suits you, but you suspect that that it's something more serious? How it works:
1. Detect lies
First and foremost it is important to recognize a lie. Are you absolutely sure that he is lying to you? About what? Have you asked him about it yet and he just ignored you or told you another lie?
The thing is, you have to know how serious this is. Whether it's a small lie that's easily negligible or one that could ruin your relationship.
Only when you realize he's really betrayed your trust can you break the n&a ;take the next step.
2. Confront him with a conversation
Okay, now it's serious, you don't want to be fooled anymore. You have to face him and find out the truth.
By that I don’t mean that you make scenes, scream and blame him, but calmly ask for an honest and open conversation.< /p>
Tell him that you already know everything and that there is no more reason to lie.
Create an atmosphere where he knows that you still understand him and let him know that whatever it may be, he can always tell you the truth.
3. Make a decision
The decision is yours. If it's an unimportant lie that you can easily overcome, you won't let it ruin your partnership.
On the other hand, you mustn't let anyone manipulate you and you tries to untie a bear. Whatever you decide, it's important that you put yourself first and don't let yourself be taken advantage of.
Is it okay to lie in a relationship?
Yes. But only and only if it's an emergency, to protect your partner's feelings. However, one should strive for honesty as much as possible.
Even if it hurts when your partner says that the dress doesn't look good on you and that you should try a different one, you'll still be grateful in the end that they honestly gave you their opinion. It's the same with everything else.
Unfinished business and the accumulation of lies lead to frustration, unhappiness, and with it, the slow decay of the relationship. That's why honesty comes first!
Conclusion: A little lie doesn't harm a relationship. After all, your partner doesn't need to know the price of every pair of shoes you buy, nor do you need to know that an attractive woman has started working for his company.
These are some little lies or Cover-ups we only use to protect our partner and not to cause unnecessary quarrels.
However, if you find that your partner lies often and if you have caught him several times, this is it already a warning sign where you should think about whether you can trust him and whether it's worth being in a relationship where you always have to ask yourself if it's a lie or the truth.
