Before you meet your prince charming, you have to stop kiss some frogs.
You have to meet some guys who are going to hurt you and just want to break your heart – that's just part of modern dating.
Like it or not, before you meet your Mr. Perfect, as a woman these days, at least once in your life you have to deal with a player. Are you a player or isn't that your style?
You're dealing with a man who will teach you all the hard lessons about love and relationships.
Someone who will help you appreciate a nice guy and tell him apart from a fuckboy the moment he walks into your life.
Of course, no woman would ever do anything with such an asshole if only she could see his true colors in time. But that's impossible.
Or maybe not? I'm here to show you that it's entirely possible and to give you a relationship expert's advice on how to spot a player right away.
Just read these signs that might give you a an effective ”Is he just playing with me” quiz.
If more than half of these points apply to your friend, the situation is more than obvious no matter how hard you try to deny it. Maybe you should also think about canceling your next date with him.
Table of ContentsShow 1 1. He's acting suspiciously 2 2. He's too much of a charmer 3 3. He keeps his past a secret 4 4. He's not consistent 5 5. He doesn't keep his words to himself Action Follows 6 6. He doesn't want to be official 7 7. He doesn't want to commit 8 8. It's all about sex 9 9. He doesn't let you into his life 10 10. He doesn't put you on the first digit 11 11. He flirts with other girls 12 12. He has a bad reputation 13 13. Your gut tells you
1. He's acting suspicious
One of the first warning signs that a guy is a player who will hurt your feelings is dishonesty and suspicious behavior.
If you think about it, you know nothing about this man and you have very little information about his private life.
Sure, privacy is important and nobody says that you should be a psycho stalker and follow your partner’s every move, but the fact is this guy is keeping all the details about his life (and love life) from you and that you’ve met him more than once caught lying.
Is your guy always on his cell phone when he's with you but never available when you call him?
He doesn't answer you when you ask him who he's texting or with has spoken?
Does he always go outside to make calls and does he not speak to anyone in front of you? Does he follow a lot of strange girls on social networks?
Does he hide his phone and never let it out of his sight? Doesn't he want to tell you where and with whom he was last night?
Is he hiding his Snapchat and Instagram Stories from you? Do you have access to his social networks?
Does he act like a suspect in a murder investigation and avoid eye contact when you try to find out more about his daily activities?< /p>
Does he call you a snoop if you ask him a normal question?
Is his body language telling you he's hiding something?
If most of your answers are positive, I'm afraid I have to disappoint you and tell you that you are undoubtedly dealing with a dubious guy who is just kidding you.
Stop it, you to lie to yourself and finally face the truth!
2. He's too much of a charmer
Let's be honest – there is no woman who is not attracted to men with confidence; to men who know what they want and aren't afraid to go for it.
One of the most attractive traits a man can possess is high self-esteem.
Just about any woman will be blown away by a man who shows her he's not afraid to break her heart conquer, and he knows what he's doing.
Unfortunately, that's also sometimes the biggest problem when it comes to men playing games – the fact that they are skilled with women and they have their ways of getting under a woman's skin.
You know, the worst thing about players is that they are always incredibly charming are.
Of course, that doesn't mean that every single guy that's popular with the ladies is an asshole who just wants to take advantage of you, but when a man is a sweetheart and if it seems too good to be true from day one, that's a red flag to keep your eyes peeled.
When a man is a charmer and a master at flirting and writing, it's clear he has quite a bit of experience.
He's probably done it before, and countless girls the same way and addressed in a manner just like you.
Not only that, but this man is fully aware that he can nail almost any woman he sets his sights on.
If he knows he's unlikely to be satisfied with just having you, and he'll try his tricks on other women too.
3. He keeps his past a secret
We all have the right not to tell our new partners all the details of our past.
So your boyfriend is by no means obliged to tell you every little thing about his ex-girlfriends or to unpack all his emotional baggage right before your eyes.
You have to respect his privacy and that of his ex-loves and not ask too much and let him decide for himself what he wants to tell you and when he wants to tell you.
On the other hand it is It's perfectly normal for you to know at least a few basic details about your boyfriend’s past, and that includes his romantic past.
It should go without saying that you know certain things, e.g. For example, when was the last time he was in a serious relationship, how long was his longest relationship and what kind of women did he usually date.
But you don't know about it, and um To be honest you don't know anything about this man's past either.
He has never once mentioned any of his exes or told you anything about his love life in general .
While this isn't such an obvious sign that you're dealing with a player, it's definitely a red flag to look out for.
What's he hiding? What is he afraid of?
Could it be that he's been acting like a real asshole to all his girlfriends and he doesn't want you to find out?
That he cheated or ghosted most of them and that he's afraid his good guy mask will blow off if you ever realize it?
4. He's not consistent
When a guy is playing with you, you never know what you're up to with him and what's in store for you the next day.
He's like this, like this, and before you know it, try all you have to do is figure him out and get to the bottom of his personality.
At first glance, this all seems fun; to do, and you might even find it interesting and exciting.
But over time, when you see that he doesn't plan to change his behavior, you realize that his inconsistency is actually a red flag that he doesn't mean business with you and you're just being practical.' /p>
It's the same with you and this guy we're talking about: you feel like you're with two different people.
Today he's treating you like that , like you are the love of his life and you have absolutely no doubts about your relationship.
He spoils you, calls and texts you all the time, he wants to know how your day was and he makes sure you know that he can't wait to meet you see.
Of course, this gives you the feeling of floating on cloud 9. What woman would not like to have such an attentive, loving and caring boyfriend?
But all that changes overnight, and the very next day he is behaving like a very different man.
Suddenly he ignores your calls, doesn't answer your texts and is too busy to see you.
Of course you're wondering what's wrong with him and you can nothing but asking you, “Does he like me or is he just playing with me?
Did I do something wrong, and what made him change his behavior so drastically?” ;
Well, let me tell you something: This man's inconsistency is part of his ruse.
That way he always leaves you wanting more, and even if he treats you like dirt, you're fighting to get back the man who loved you.
Aside from that, he also gives you hope, that the day will come when he will stop falling into his horrible habits; a day when he will decide to always be the romantic guy who treats you like any woman in this world wants to be treated.
5. He doesn’t walk the talk
Another warning sign that a man is toying with you is the fact that his behavior is far from anything has to do with his words.
When you first meet this man, he plays the good guy and serves you a bunch of empty promises and lousy lies that you naturally fall for. llst.
But after a while you realize that all those sweet words were nothing more than his sneaky tactic to get under your skin, in your heart and in your bed.
Some of these Player doesn't mind telling you how much they love you, how much they missed you and that they could never imagine being with another woman.
Let's be honest – what woman doesn't love hearing those words from a man she's crazy about?
Especially if you're threatening to leave that pathetic ass or if you really have the strength to break up with him.
When that happens, he'll be the best man of all time, and he keeps telling you that he would do anything just to get you back.
However, if you think about it, he never really stood behind his words, and you're just wondering, “Is he just kidding me?”
In fact, he always does exactly the opposite, and as soon as he gets another chance, he continues with his misbehaviour.
The bitter truth is that this love and affection that he tells you about , don’t feel.
He hasn’t kept a single one of his promises to change to make things different between you two.
What proof you need so you still to realize that he's nothing more than a player who will break your heart?
6. He doesn't want to make anything official
A typical trait of most players is that they have a problem with official relationships.
Some of them tell’ Tell you that they don't believe in relationships. Some avoid the subject, and others lie that they're still not ready to make it official.
When your guy doesn't want to call you his girlfriend and when he's making vague statements about yours relationship, everything is obvious.
However, he doesn’t leave you, he’s just keeping you warm.
In this way he wants to save himself the whole relationship drama. He also doesn’t want to give you the rights you would normally have as his girlfriend, but at the same time he wants you around.
After all, you two aren’t in a love affair, and that allows him to move on with his bachelor life and have complete freedom to do whatever he wants.
You're not his girlfriend, so technically you don't have the right to scold him for his behavior or ask him directly what's going on.
You don't have the right to ask him where he's been all night and if he's hanging out with other girls (instead you'll have to scour his Instagram and Snapchat stories hoping to find out what he's up to).
You don't have the right to demand that he put you first, nag you about not paying enough attention, or get upset when he disappears for days.
Most importantly, if your relationship isn't official, he's not obligated to be faithful to you.
This even gives him the freedom to talk to (or even talk to) other girls to sleep) without being considered cheating and without giving you the right to say anything about it.
The worst part is that you actually agreed to it.
You actually accepted this status quo and you really came to terms with not having a title.
And he reminds you of this every time you complain about his behavior.
7. He doesn't want to commit himself
According to relationship coaches, all players are chronic attachment phobics. They run away from obligations and make no plans for the future.
A player will likely tell you that they're emotionally unavailable, have a history of hurting themselves, have been through some toxic relationships, and are just overprotective because they're afraid their heart will break is broken.
Every time you notice that he is not fully committed to your relationship and every time you notice that he is not really letting you get close to him, he will tell you that he is afraid of how much he likes you and that's why he's retiring.
Instead of fleeing, every time you hear that lame excuse, you actually feel flattered deep down.< /p>
After all, you are the only woman who will break down his protective walls and the only woman who has a chance of winning his heart.
Well, I'll tell you here's a go-ahead for him to continue this crappy behavior.
You're wasting years in a toxic relationship, with a man who doesn't plan a future with you, with a man who doesn't care about your relationship, and with a man who will leave tomorrow without any explanation. tion could disappear from your life.
No, he is not a lost little boy who needs your help and who has been waiting his whole life for you to show him what true love is.
p>
He's not emotionally crippled or traumatized.
He's an asshole who only plays with you!
8. It's all about sex
We are all fun people. Having sex, which is an essential part of any healthy relationship. So it's perfectly normal for your boyfriend to want to sleep with you.
Otherwise you'd probably be worried that he doesn't find you attractive enough, or wondering if he's dating someone on the side what has.
It's one thing when a man is crazy about your bedroom skills, but having a relationship based solely on meaningless sex is quite another.
It will be happen when you spend your time with a player. Sex is the only thing he's interested in.
He doesn't want to talk to you or tell you anything personal, and in fact he only texts you when he's interested in sex.
He never asks you out on a date. He only invites you in the middle of the night to “Netflix and chill” at his or your house (which always becomes ”Netflix and casual sex”).
He knows&rszlig; neither when your birthday is nor what your pet's name is, but he knows; exactly what sex position you like best.
Has he ever done anything special for you? No!
He never prepared a romantic gesture or a surprise for you.
He doesn't care about your biggest fears and life dilemmas, nor does he care about you you as a person.
Apart from that, he behaves completely differently when he's just trying to get laid and after he's gotten what he wanted.
After you both finish, his body language will change completely. He doesn't cuddle with you and rarely spends the night with you.
The morning after, he usually doesn't even text you. But as soon as he wants to have sex again, he's glued to you and you can't get rid of him.
If this sounds familiar, relationship experts say it's a sure sign that this man has only one thing on his mind.
He doesn’t bother to get the whole package and he doesn’t care about your heart or your head.
He only cares about your body and you allow him to treat you that way.
9. He doesn’t let you into his life
When a guy is crazy about you, he cares about your opinions and attitudes and he wants to get to know you as well as possible.
Not only that, he also wants you to be a part of his life: he wants you to meet his best friends and family, he tells you about his job and he lets you at his Participate in hobbies.
Any relationship coach will tell you that a man who is genuinely interested in you will be proud to introduce you to everyone in his life.
He will looking forward to holding your hand in public and introducing yourself to the whole world.
A trained player, on the other hand, will do none of these things. He will probably even hide you from everyone and make sure you stay out of his life as much as possible.
This guy will probably ignore you when you are around other people , and he'll do his best not to see you anywhere except your homes or shady nightclubs.
Not that he's ashamed of you. He just doesn't want to be caught making out with you because he's with a lot of other girls and it would all be exposed.
Besides, if he doesn’t give you any access to his life and routine, it’s easier for him to leave you whenever and however he wants.
The less information you ü about him and the fewer friends you have in common, the easier it is for him to ghost you and disappear without any explanation.
10. He doesn't put you first
Another clear sign that a man is fooling you (which many women unfortunately overlook) is the fact that you have to beg for this man's love and attention.
Fact is that you feel like his second option and that he never gave you the place in his life that you deserve.
For someone like him, everything and everyone is more important than you. He’s always too busy to see you and doesn’t mind walking away from you if someone else invites him to anything .
He never makes plans for a vacation (or even a weekend getaway) with you, he doesn't rush to your aid when you're in trouble, and he never says his plans ;ne for you.
He never answers your messages first and he never calls you back.
In fact, you are his last resort, a reserve and he only calls you when he needs you.
You will always be waiting for him and you have already spent countless nights on your phone hoping to the last minute that he will come as he promised.
It's like he would know that no matter what he does, you're going nowhere and he doesn't have to make the slightest effort to keep you in his life.
He only calls you when he has nothing better to do and when everyone else cancels him out at the last minute.
You are not and never will be his priority. You're just some woman waiting for him to show up like nothing happened.
11. He flirts with other girls
Even if your player had the decency to make your relationship official, he still wouldn't be faithful to you.
You never caught him doing it, but you know full well that you're not the only woman he's dating.
However, being faithful means much more than not having sex or physical contact with other women.
This man has stayed friends with most of his ex-girlfriends and you're not sure if he still hangs out with some of them.
He doesn't want to uninstall his dating apps or unfollow a bunch of girls on Snapchat and other social networks.
You see him looking at other girls and even making eye contact with them in front of you.
The worst part is that he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
Even if you ask him directly about his behavior, he tries to convince you that he is only joking. and get you upset for nothing.
According to relationship coaches, the need to flirt is just in his blood and he'll never stop no matter what you try.
He will never respect you enough to make you his life and soul and you shouldn't put up with that.
Like it or not, with time you will start to ask you why you are not good enough for this man and he will manage to convince you that his wrongdoing is actually somehow your fault.
You will compare it to all the other girls in his life and your self-esteem will be completely shattered.
12. He has a bad reputation
You don't pay attention to the opinions of others and you don't give a damn about what others say.
You know ;t that people aren't always honest and you don't believe everything you hear.
Although it's a great thing and a sign of your firm mind when a man has the reputation of being a Being a fuckboy, maybe it's time to ask around and check it out.
You know, if a guy has fooled and hurt a lot of girls in the past, chances are you'll hear about it and you definitely shouldn't ignore it.
When everyone around you around (including your best friends, who definitely mean well by you) are telling you not to be with him and telling you to stay away from that asshole, maybe you should listen to them.
If you keep being told that he has a reputation for only using girls for sex and jumping from bed to bed, then there's probably more to it than that.
Don't kid yourself and don't think it will be any different with you because it won't be.
Don't fool yourself that you are special and that you will change him because he is probably just like you will break the hearts of all the other girls in front of you.
13. Your gut will tell you
Let's be honest – there probably isn't a woman who hasn't asked her boyfriends a question like this: "Is he kidding me or is he serious?" despite all the love she feels for the man.
There isn't a woman who has never asked herself:”Is he just playing with me or is he up to something serious?”.
It's normal to have such things on your mind from time to time, but it's quite a different thing when you're obsessed with these questions.
If you're an overthinker and over-emotional, everything and everyone will always seem suspicious to you.
You're in constant fear of your heart being broken, and so are you doubt even those you should trust.
But if your gut is telling you something, maybe it's time to listen.
If you namely most of the time asking questions like ”Is he serious about me or is he just playing with me?” or "Does he really love me or is he just kidding me?" or constantly looking for a ”Is he kidding me” quiz, it's time to take a closer look at the entire relationship.
Katharina Hansen
She is a trained psychologist and talented author. For her, every person matters and every life story is unique. That's why her advice comes not only from her knowledge, but also from her heart.
