Most of us don't see it coming. Especially when people are in love, they immediately become blind to anything that could endanger their happiness – you can also call it conscious denial.
Unfortunately, we only become aware of what has happened to us after the damage has already been done.
Then suddenly something opens our eyes and all the things we've been through suddenly look horrible.
The truth is, they were always horrible, but we decided to paint them nice.
That's what happens when emotional abuse creeps up on you. You never see it coming, you only feel the consequences.
How can your mind be ready to deal with something you thought happened all of a sudden?
I know it's impossible. Then you are facing one of the biggest challenges of your life.
First you look back and keep asking yourself how you could take so much shit.
You can't believe what he did and how you reacted.
I can't believe how many things you found justification for.
From where you stand right now, it's ridiculous and sad at the same time.
But there's an important lesson you've learned. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. You can't force someone to love you by loving them.
Here's the lesson each of you need to learn if you're dating him (and probably suspecting) that he's a covert narcissist is.
1. "I" and nobody else
He only cares about himself. There isn't a sentence that doesn't contain the word ‘I’ contains.
You'll notice when you're out with friends that he's always talking about himself.
The whole conversation revolves around him. Even if someone starts talking about something else, they will use that to bring the focus back to themselves.
2. Either in his own way or not at all
He never takes other people's opinions into account. If he decides something, it has to be done his way.
It's like you don't even exist in his world. You can talk and beg; he will not give you his precious time.
3. He manipulates you
He already knows your every move; he knows your every reaction. This allows him to manipulate and control you into doing exactly what he wants.
And at the end of the day, you'll feel like you did it willingly. He's such a good manipulator.
But that's not the worst part. No, the worst part is that he enjoys it when you dance to his tune.
He prides himself on having a nice and well-behaved doll who will do exactly what he pleases ;llt.
4. He has a double standard
When it comes to your life, there's more rules than you can imagine.
You have to make choices in life and be careful not to make the wrong ones (according to him).
But when it comes to him, the rules are different. Anything you can't do, he can.
If he makes a mistake that you'll be punished for, it's no big deal.
5 . He cares deeply about other people's opinions
He cares a lot about his reputation. He praises himself because he must be the most adorable and kindest person you have ever met on earth.
He won't stop until he creates that feeling in someone he's just met.
If self-praise means he has to demean anyone, he will because he doesn't care is if he has to stop at nothing to be the best.
6. You're the only one to blame
The blame game is his favorite game. He's never to blame for anything.
If you feel bad it's because you did it to yourself. He never is. He's the angel and you're the devil.
He's probably pissed you off a few times. and "manipulative" called, even though you both know he's the bad guy and not you.
7. He's the best of all
He's always bragging about how he's the best, that he does everything better than anyone else.
If you ask, he is the master of the universe. He will admit it without shame.
You know that people who really achieve something in their life will never brag about it.
They keep it to themselves and only if you insist that they tell you, they will.
Well, you never have to ask him anything, he will brag about everything without any initiative.
8. He feeds on negativity
Whenever he feels your positive energy he will get as close to you as possible to suck it out.
In those moments, he even pretends he really loves you. He pretends that he wants to make you happy.
That's why you feel emotionally drained after every conversation with him. Your positive energy will be drained leaving only the negative.
9. He's two faces
He's so charming and positive when you're with other people.
Anyone who gets a chance to talk to him likes him instantly. He's a darling.
But when you two are alone, his personality changes. He becomes dark and cruel and has no compassion or respect for you.
10. He can't take criticism
He's a pro at criticizing others, especially you.
He acts like he knows everything and he acts like he really wants to help you.
But if the situation is the other way around, other than the fact that you really want to help him while he's pretending to, he won't listen.
He won't listen to your advice ;ren because he genuinely believes he is perfect the way he is.
11. He's full of excuses
He expects you to drop everything when he needs you, but when you need him he always has better things to do.< /p>
He always has an excuse not to do what you want.
12. He's a drama queen
Nothing is ever easy with him in your life. You probably wonder sometimes if you are in a Spanish soap opera because all situations are so similar.
There is so much drama going on.
13. He needs constant validation
Narcissists have this need to prove themselves, especially to people who doubt them.
It bothers them all the time, and pretty much all they do is prove to everyone around them that they're perfect – that they made it in life.
He's not doing it because he wants to be a better person.
It's not because he wants to prove to himself that he can do it , but because he wants to show off how great he is in front of everyone.
14. Everything has to be perfect
He won't stop until he gets what he wants and how he wants it. Well, nothing is good enough unless it's perfect.
That's a pretty bad personality trait, and it's characteristic of narcissists, because seeking perfection means getting it at all costs , what you want – even if it means deceiving people, they don't care.
They will do whatever is necessary.
15. He has no compassion
You probably tried to talk to him about something that was bothering you. You probably didn't get an answer.
Your misery and suffering mean nothing to him because they don't affect or affect him directly.
He only understands empathy if she agrees with him has to do. When another person is in pain, they don't give a damn.
He'll even flip the conversation you're having with him so he can be the center of attention again.
16. It has a defense mechanism
Believe it or not, there's a reason all narcissists are mean and cold.
There must have been a trigger that made them this way, probably when they were little.< /p>
A narcissist will run away if you happen to be able to see through them and understand why they are behaving the way they are.
Narcissists have huge emotional walls around them, and they will tear them down for no one.
They have learned that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, so they must not allow anyone to see it.
17. He breaks you and fixes it right after
It's like a hobby for him. In the normal world, the person who caused you pain or who broke your heart is not allowed to come back into your life.
That person has no right to help you in recovery help because it's the reason you need to get well.
The logical thing to do is get away from that person and deal with the things that happened to you.
Well, if you're with a narcissist, you can not be like that.
A narcissist will destroy you and then come back to comfort you.
You will be confused, but from the moment you already broken, all you need is comfort, so you take whatever you can get.
That's the game he's playing.
18. He never lets go of the past
Never. He remembers you guys arguing about a year ago. It's like he keeps a journal of all the things you said or did wrong and makes sure you never forget them either.
When whenever you start a new argument, he brings up the past. There's a reason he's doing this.
When you realize you're going to win the argument and he can't do anything about it, he pulls out something from the past that you did and opens Pandora's box of endless arguments.
19 He's emotionally abusing you
If you love someone, the chances of realizing that that person is emotionally abusing you are very slim.
After being treated badly for a while, you kind of get used to it. This behavior becomes normal for you.
After a while you start to find justifications for your partner.
You start to blame their behavior justify it, because you still love that person and you are dying to hope that this is all just a phase and it will end soon.
He is aware of the fact that you love him, and he takes advantage of that by doing whatever he wants because he knows you will come back like you always have.
20. Love isn't what you imagined it to be
He convinced you with the way he treats you that love is a two way street ;e is -; you don't give or get anything in return.
He made you think it was supposed to look like this. Well, that's absolutely not the case!
Narcissists can't love anyone but themselves. Because in order to love someone, you must first love yourself.