I still miss you but there's no turning back

I still miss you, but there's no turning back

It's true. I miss you. But that doesn't mean I want you back in my life.

Although I miss the warmth of your arms terribly on cold nights, I know; I know that I'm much better off without you.

I know that you will be hard to get over and that I will have many sleepless nights, but this ordeal will pass pay out eventually.

Even though I'm down at the moment, I'll get back on my feet.I'll get myself together and live my life to the fullest, but this time without you.

I don't need you anymore when life gets hard, I don't want to call you anymore just to hear more lies. I don't want to be dependent on you anymore.

I don’t want to come and tell you all the details every time something nice happens to me. I don't want you to be the most important person in my life anymore.

You had your chance and blew it, and I won't give you a second chance to hurt me.

Going back to you would be like giving you a second bullet to kill me with because you didn't hit me last time.

And maybe I haven't thought of myself for a long time, but now I want to make drastic changes.

I finally want to treat myself the way I deserve and I want me feel good about it.

But there are nights when I feel lonely and just want to hear something sweet from you to calm me down.

I want you to hug me with your toxic hands again because no matter how toxic they are, I'm still used to those hands.

I imagine you would come to me to tell me that you made a mistake and that you need me more than anything or anyone else in your life.

< strong>Then I catch myself whispering your name and suddenly I wake up from another dreamand tell myself that I really don't need you and that what I need right now feel is just a bad memory of you.

Then I turn over and go back to sleep.

I'm out of your stuff. I've destroyed even the smallest memories of you.

I've made a whole new life for myself without you and I'm so proud of it.

I'm not saying there's no room for anyone else in my life, but this time I'm going to choose the people I let into my life wisely.

But the most important thing is that I moved on. I left behind all your insults, all your gaslighting and all your humiliations and disappointments.

I am much stronger now since I went through so much bad with you. In a way, you taught me to bounce back when life gave me a slap.

And believe it or not, I want to thank you for that. If you hadn't broken my heart, I would never have known how strong I am.

I know I'm going to have a crisis every now and then, and I know that I might wish you would come back to me, but most of all I know; I will miss you terribly.

I will get over you in the arms of another man with a strong drink.

I will erase you from my memory and when I can do that, I will be the happiest woman in the world.

The only thing I fear are the lonely nights, when I only think of you, when I long for you.

On these nights I will just tell the moon about you because I know that it will keep my secret .

I will confess to him that I still miss you and that part of me will probably miss you for the rest of my life.

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