I still love you, but I can't take this mess any longer

I still love you, but I can't take this mess any longer

I never thought I would ever get the idea to leave you.

But here I am, thinking about leaving you one day and madly in love with you the next.

And in this whole mess we call our love knowß I don't know what the right decision is.

I know; I don't know if it's the right thing to go or to stay.

But sometimes I wish you were far away from me.

Sometimes you bring so many turmoil in my life that I walk on eggshells just to not hurt you.

I think everything through before I tell you, and no matter how much I wish I could, I can't tell you everything about my life.

Me can't tell you about other people who make me happy.

I can't do that because then you would feel neglected.

You will always come first to me and if I did that now it would all fall apart.

It's already starting to crumble and I can only imagine what would happen if I didn't try.

You know, you were early. here my best friend.

I could have told you everything about me and you would never have judged me.

< p>But eventually everything changed.

You are not the same anymore and I have changed with you.

But do you know what the worst is? We've both changed for the worse.

We're moving in a direction that's not good for either of us, but we still don't want to give up just yet.

Me hurt you and you hurt me but we're still together.

I know; but really not if that's the kind of love I want for the rest of my life.

I know; don't know if I can live longer in this mess. 

Because no matter how hard I try, I just can't give you up.

And no matter how much I show you my love, for some reason you don't want to accept it.

It's like you don't believe me when I tell you that I love you.

It's like you think everything is a lie and that I'm just stalling you want.

But baby, I would never think of such a thing in my life.

I respect you enough to keep our personal lives as they are.

What we have, good or bad, I only want for keep us alone.

That's why I don't tell anyone our secrets.

That's why I never tell my friends about all the problems we have.

< p>I keep it all in my heart, away from everyone else.

I won't tell anyone that you hurt me and that I suffer because of you.

I don’t tell anyone that my whole world is falling apart because I am losing the love of my life.

I remain silent and suffer in silence because if I told anyone we would fall apart , nothing would really change.

Nothing would change. You would only hate me more.

This would all just end faster.

I want you to know that I am for’ r live the days when we don't fight.

I live for the moments when we cuddle in bed and watch old movies like we used to.

And then it seems to me that everything is the same again earlier. It all looks the same as before.

Your hand in mine, my head on your chest and your smell that really fascinates me.

You are there and you tell me that you love me and that there is no place in this world you would rather be than in my arms.

You say that you love me all for want you alone and that you're jealous of all the people who want to take me away from you.

Because I'm the air in your lungs (as you put it so nicely).

p>

I'm your only ray of hope and you can't live without me.

And then for a few days I felt like it was the right decision, with you to stay.

And then, in the blink of an eye, you change.

You morph into someone I never imagined living with.

You start criticizing me for the tiniest little things and you don't even let me breathe.

And in those moments I get the vessel again; hl that I should just leave you.

In these moments I see no way out.

And no one can tell me that it's just an argument like any other that happens in a relationship.

It's so much more than just an argument. It's brainwashing. It's emotional abuse. It's sick psycho shit.

And in those moments I hate you for what you've become.

I hate that you won't let out the man I fell in love with.

I hate that you've become the person you never wanted to be.

Someone who is jealous of my happiness, someone who wants to make me a puppet to manipulate, someone who only wants me for themselves and someone who wants me Not sure if I can be happy or not.

I don't want that, because that's not love and we're actually only here because of love.

If I have to pretend to be someone I'm not just for you to like me, then I don't want you because we're obviously not meant to be.

Maybe we just idealized love too much.

Maybe we had too high expectations and now that nothing is how we imagined it, we feel us dissatisfied.

But the worst thing is that even though nothing is right, you don't do anything to change this situation.

You gave up too soon, and you expect everything to get better.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that's not how love works.

Love is a two-way street and when you give up what we have then my attempts are in vain.

The truth is that I am tired of everything and I want to feel this inner peace.

p>

I want to be free again. I want to love and be loved.

Most importantly, I want my old self back.

And I don't even care if you don't Liked.

After you gave up on me and what we had, you have no right to say anything. You could have tried your best, but unfortunately you didn't.

Now face the consequences and let me live my life the way I do always wanted.

Let me live my life to the fullest.

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