What can I say – i am a fighter. I'll go to the end I don't just give up when things get uncomfortable or I'm exhausted.
Somehow I always find the strength for my fights. I find strength even when others have long lost hope.
I never give up on people I love. You know that right? Because you deserve to be given the cold shoulder, but I didn't.
Because I thought you were worth fighting for. I thought it must be so hard that love hurts sometimes that I have to go through miles of pain before I can feel a little bit of happiness. So I fought for you like never before.
Life wasn't easy for me, but I learned not to give up easily.
I fight and try and I fall only to pick myself up and keep fighting for what I want until I can't anymore. until giving up is the only option.
And even then I convince myself to try again, that last try will make all the difference. And you have no idea how much it hurts me.
You're special, you know? I have loved you. I loved you even though you gave me every reason not to.
Even when you treated me like I wouldn't treat even the person I hate the most. You played with me.
You made promises you never planned to keep. Everything I experienced with you was one disappointment after another. But I told myself that it doesn't matter and that everything would change very soon.
But nothing has changed with you. It will never change with you. You are who you are. And you don't see that there's anything wrong with you.
You don't see that there is something wrong with the way you treat others and the way you treated me. And honestly, I haven't seen it in a while either. But I finally opened my eyes.
I can finally see you for who you are. I can finally stop pretending and telling myself you're a good guy. You're not a good guy.
Now I understand why I couldn't heal you. Not only me, but also nobody else will be able to heal you because you don't want to get better.
But what you want is someone to twist for you, even if you wouldn't lift a finger for the person.
I guess I showed you that that works like this. But that was my mistake, I'm more than willing to correct it now.
I honestly don't get it. How could my efforts not have been enough that you wanted to try too?
How could you not wish for a happy relationship, love and being loved when you saw how much I try for you?
It doesn't matter anyway. I'll just accept that some questions will remain unanswered.
You have no idea how many internal battles I've fought. My heart told me one thing, but my mind told me something completely different.
And I should have listened to my wits, but I didn't. There's no point in crying about it. I've always been someone to be guided by my feelings.
But this time I won't listen to them. This time I won't give all of me to anyone who doesn't appreciate it.
You never valued me. You never recognized my efforts and never really cared what happened to us.
While I was trying to keep us together, you lived your life like I wasn't a part of it.
And you know what? The last thing I can do right now is give up fighting for someone who doesn't deserve me.
And at the end of the day, when I cover myself up and close my eyes, I won't regret anything.
I will not have demons in my head and my past will not drag me into an abyss. 'Cause I know I've fought more than you deserve. My conscience is clear.
Unfortunately I'm not sure if you can say the same about yourself. When you look back on your life in a few years, I bet you'll have a regret or two about me.
But what you'll regret most is not giving me a choice give than give up.
At the end of the day, it's okay to fight for someone who loves you. It's not okay to fight for someone to love you. That's a big difference.
