When I was younger, I dreamed of having a perfect man by my side – a knight on a white horse.
He had to be perfect. He had to be beautiful, charming, funny and hardworking – he had to have everything I deserved.
As I got older it felt a bit selfish to have such high standards – and that's when I made my first mistake – My future happiness went downhill from there.
Sometimes I feel like I've settled for less. Not that I don't love you, I really do.
It's just that I feel like I deserve so much more.
Is it wrong to say something like that? Am I a terrible person for wanting to be?
Probably some people are going to say ”Yes” say, but I disagree.
I've realized that I only have this one life, so why shouldn't I have only the best in this life – after all, I really try my best and I know I deserve it.
I just don't have the courage to get what I deserve – at least not yet!
I'll tell you why I make so much more than you give me.
< strong>I deserve itbecause I'm the only one in our family who really cares about ”little things” takes care of things like: serving the food, running the house outside of work and my master's degree, and making sure our baby has everything he needs.
< strong>I deserve it because I sacrifice my free time and especially time with my son.
I hardly see him because I'm always on the go. I miss my little boy.
And what do you give me for it? Nothing! You're taking my son away from me by not helping me make something decent out of our lives. I have to do this all by myself.
I deserve it for putting up with your crap long enough. I've always been by your side, even though you've given me nothing but meaningless words and empty promises.
And I foolishly thought you really meant the shit that comes out of your mouth.
I deserve it because while you're sitting at home doing nothing, I'm working and striving to make something of my life and my son's life.
I'm so shocked; pft that I suddenly lost weight – I'm slowly falling apart physically.
And I don't need to tell you that my body just follows my state of mind. I know I really don't know what to do anymore.
I'm in this shit now and I need to sort this out somehow. I have to do it for my baby – not for you.
Although you are not a good partner, you are a good father and I have no right to take my son's father away – he deserves a daddy.
It's not his fault we two don't get along.
There's only one thing about that I keep worrying.
Are you aware that I am so much more than you deserve ? Are you aware you hit the jackpot?
Are you aware that no other woman would tolerate your behavior?
I know; not why i do it. Maybe I just don't have the courage to leave you – maybe i have nowhere to go.
But you can be sure of one thing:
I will never stop to fight, even if it means I have to fight you.