People suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder do not fit in social schemas, primarily for one main reason -; they have no empathy.
In order to integrate into society and interact with other people, we need to understand each other.
It's normal to offer help to someone who needs it. Showing empathy should be one of people's primary instincts.
Narcissists work differently. They portray themselves as victims.
Her demeanor and acting are so perfect that rarely anyone can see through her facade.
< p>In this way, the real victims go unnoticed or are even wrongly portrayed as ruthless and selfish.
Who is really the victim?
Narcissists truly believe they are the victims because they lack empathy.
They really don't understand what the real victim is going through and they can't put themselves in someone else's shoes offset. They don't understand emotions.
Narcissists don't see other people as individuals, they see them as extensions of themselves.
So when something doesn't go the way they want, they don't consider that someone else's feelings have been hurt.
They remain self-centered and genuinely believe they have been wronged , so they slip into the role of the victim.
The narcissistic self-victimization
Due to the lack of empathyö The narcissist cannot understand that he is not always the victim.
He cannot see what is causing his problems because the cause of all problems is usually himself.
He cannot feel guilt or remorse and therefore he never blames himself for causing trouble or hurting another person.
It wouldn’t be such a big deal if he didn’t blame you and make you feel embarrassed for something you didn’t do or did by mistake.
Even if it seems like he took on the role of victim unintentionally, that's not true.
To take on the role of victim one has to ü have numerous skills. These are his favorite moves:
– Fake tears or no tears at all
– Telling Sad Stories
– Emphasize details that are guaranteed to trigger emotions in you
– pretend he’s worried about you
– Excessive body gestures (e.g. hands in the air)
– Pointing at yourself to keep focus on yourself
Most of these gestures are true victim behaviors, but how do you tell real victims from fake victims?
Table of ContentsFade in 1 1. Your gut instinct tells you 2 2. Fact check 3 3. Look for real tears 4 4. Analyze his behavior after an argument 5 1. Self-deception and denial 6 2. The hot- Potato Tactics 7 3. Lying 8 4. ”No good deed goes unpunished” 9 5. Projection 10 6. The Me Too Tactic 11 7. Made Up Scenarios 12 8. Paranoia 13 9. Triangulation 14 10. Attention
1. Your gut will tell you
You just know something is wrong; you can feel it. You feel someone lying to you and trying to manipulate you. Trouble is, you can't prove it.
2. Fact check
Record your situation in as much detail as possible. If you write everything down, nobody can convince you that something happened or didn't happen; nobody can brainwash you.
If the narcissist's story changes over time (and if he lies, it will) you will know for sure that he has twisted the truth to successfully play the victim.< /p>
3. Look for real tears
Invisible tears don't count. Notice if there are real tears.
4. Analyze his behavior after an argument
Observe him closely after the episode. Analyze each of his steps.
If he's pretending nothing happened and he's fine doing normal things, he's probably just kidding you.
People who are true victims will continue to be after the episode feeling troubled and agitated.
True victims are unable to return to normal life immediately.
Typical narcissistic behaviors and self-victimization tactics
1. Self-Deception and Denial
Narcissists can use any situation to their advantage.
Through self-deception and denial, they convince themselves that the bad situation they created is not their fault.
They can fake a real situation .
Whatever they find and however they perceive something is reality in their eyes and nothing else.
Because they are so good at convincing themselves that aren't real, they also have the ability to do the same to you.
Usually, narcissists genuinely believe that their version of reality is real, and even if it isn't, they sometimes still convince you that you're wrong.
After hearing the same story repeated multiple times ;rt, you might even start to believe in him. Well, then he won.
2. The Hot Potato Tactic
In this case, the hot potato represents the blame. Someone has put the blame on him, and since he doesn't accept it, he has to quickly pass it on to someone else.
Usually someone very close to him – to you.
Narcissists never take responsibility for a mistake.
Even if it's his fault, he'll find a way to take it out on you and have it all To turn in favor so that you end up as the villain.
If it happens to happen that he does feel a bit of shame as a result of his behavior, he will find someone to pass it on to – remember, the narcissist is always the victim.
Through carefully planned manipulation, he will convince you that you created his problem in the first place. You're the culprit from the start.
Narcissists need constant approval to boost their already fragile self-esteem.
They need to be praised so that they have the energy to move on with their lives.
Normal people know how to deal with such situations.
When they have problems, they seek help – either with their friends or someone who has been trained to help others.
Because narcissists have no friends to talk to and they don't do it when necessary keep seeking professional help, they resort to lies.
In order to make people sympathetic, they must make their situation pitiful.
4. ”No good deed goes unpunished”
If a narcissist does a good deed and it goes unnoticed, they will make your life miserable.
But that's not all. His mendacity goes even further.
First of all, his good deed is never just a good deed. Narcissists always have hidden motives no matter what they do.
When they're not commended for doing the right thing, revenge is already afoot.
That's downright sneaky of them, considering they were from the start have no benevolent intentions.
The narcissist will slander you and gossip behind your back with everyone you know.
He will think of you as a bitch who thinks only of himself and no one else and he will be the poor guy who tried so hard to please you but couldn't because you are too demanding.
In other words, he will play the victim.
He will dramatize the details and make things up just to get the majority on his side.
Narcissists need approval from others, and if they don't get it from you, they will seek it out from the people they gossip about you with.
They need their narcissistic validation. They need to hear that they are the best and you are nothing.
Narcissists love to project. Whatever they say was done to a narcissist, you can be sure they did the exact same thing to someone else.
When they say someone hurt them, it means they hurt someone else .
If he says someone lied to him, that means he lied to someone, and so on.
The narcissist tries to justify their own behavior by putting the blame and responsibility on someone else.
It's kind of fascinating how wrong they think.
If someone else is to blame for everything they did, in their minds it means that someone else did it too.
6. The “me too” tactic
If the victim has a problem, then the narcissist has a problem too. He can't let you be the only victim.
If something bad has happened to you, you can bet your last penny that something similar or even worse happened to him.
The narcissist uses this tactic to downplay your problem and make it seem irrelevant because they've been through the same thing or worse.
7. Invented Scenarios
If you have been bullied by a narcissist and have decided to stand up for yourself, the narcissist will make up a different story.
They will describe the situation in a way that suits them. He will skip the beginning and the point where the argument started.
He won't explain why the argument started and he will go straight to the part where he appears as a victim.
If he bullied you, he makes it look like you bullied him.
He's just having a little fun done to you (nothing serious) and you totally freaked out and were mean to him.
To an outsider, this story makes perfect sense and nothing about it sounds suspicious.
In reality, he was provoking you and being mean to you, so your negative reaction to his toxic behavior is entirely understandable.
You were only defending yourself.
When a narcissist feels like they are out of control of you, or when they feel like they may be about to be abandoned, they will slowly start spreading the word that they want you can't trust him because you're after him.
The point of this tactic is to warn people that something like this could happen.
So if you decide to save yourself because you are fed up with how he treats you and get out of his controlling clutches, you will put yourself in a situation where you are the villain and the narcissist is the poor little victim because you left him.
He plays this game so skillfully that no matter what you're doing, he's always one step ahead of you.
< h2>9. Triangulation
Psychologically, triangulation is a form of manipulation through communication between two people.
Gossip is the best triangulation tool.
By spreading rumors about you and taking your dirty laundry out into the open, the narcissist makes other people feel uncomfortable turn against you.
By spreading false information about you, he gains the support of others, in other words, his narcissistic validation.
Narcissists make elephants out of mosquitoes. They make a big deal out of small things just to get the attention they so desperately need.
Using this manipulation tactic, the narcissist is usually trying to achieve two goals &ndnd; belittling yourself and portraying yourself as a victim.
A perfect example of this behavior is his ability to deliberately argue about trivial things to create problems where none exist .
There is no way to expose him and his behavior, because you would only walk into a stone wall and expose yourself to a lot of criticism.
The only lionö The solution is to keep a detailed diary of everything that happens to you so you know what is real and what is not.
It is important that you stay sane and with both feet firmly on the ground.
This is the only way you can survive the constant attacks of the narcissist and his rum victims.