After a toxic relationship, there's only one thought floating around in our heads: How do I punish a narcissist ?
Many of us (myself included) have found ourselves in a destructive relationship.
You've been through hell with your narcissistic partner and ended up devastated, with no self-esteem and complete emptiness from being drained of all our energy.
Here in this article I would like to give you my perspective and advice on how to spot narcissistic men and the best way to punish them.
But first things first…
My life with a narcissist
About four years ago I met Andreas, a charismatic man , handsome and intelligent young man.
We met in a bar and we hit it off right away.
He bought me a drink or two and we talked all evening, we ended up exchanging numbers and each going his own way Way home.
The next morning the first good morning message ”Good morning, sunshine, well, did you sleep well?”.
Of course I was flattered by that, so I wrote him back straight away and we met up for coffee in town that same day.
His charismatic and flattering nature had such a positive effect on me that I fell in love with him immediately. It was love at first sight.
He made me feel special, the only one for him, like we were soul mates, like our souls were just waiting for each other .
And so a relationship quickly developed. It was a roller coaster of emotions and before I knew it he moved into my apartment and we lived together.
The first three months of our relationship went like clockwork, he was always trying to surprise me with new ideas, whether it was a trip to the cinema, a fancy dinner or a weekend at a lake.
I felt better than ever. It seemed like a fairy tale.
Slowly but surely, this fairy tale turned into a horrible nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.
It started small: once I forgot to take him his favorite beer home.
When he realized this, his mood changed abruptly and he just defied around for the whole evening and it ended blaming me for everything that went wrong that day.
At first I thought nothing of it, even blaming myself for making a mistake.
To lift the mood again, I did everything to get him back to positive thoughts. No matter what he wanted, I did it.
Such situations became more and more frequent over time, he blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life.
When he came home from work and had problems with his boss, I would take his anger out.
My gut told me there was something wrong with him, but my heart did believed in the good in him.
I kept telling myself that it wasn't so bad, that he was right when he blamed me and that I didn't deserve it.
Over time, his verbal abuse increased violence and my self-esteem kept falling.
I became a shadow of myself. His narcissism became more and more apparent.
He could do whatever he wanted with me.< /p>
One day he was the nicest and most accommodating person I have ever met and the next day his insults didn't stop. It was back and forth.
When he was feeling bad, he letß I did everything I could and gave him my undivided attention.
But the other way around, when I needed his help and affection, he was gone and didn't get in touch or found any excuses why he wasn't helping me can.
It was becoming increasingly clear that narcissism is part of his personality and is not going to change no matter how much I hoped.
I felt helpless, abandoned and alone. He manipulated me whenever he could because as soon as he paid me some attention again, I fell for him.
I was so happy that he paid attention to me again, that I saw all the negative things right away forgot.
But one night things got out of control and he became violent. We were at friends' house and it was a really cozy evening in the group.
I was talking to a very good friend who I had known for years. Andreas didn't like it at all and he became pathologically jealous.
I noticed his changing mood and went to the bathroom with him to talk about it.
Yes he did just didn’t listen to me, he threw insults at me, that I’m a slut who gets in bed with everyone anyway and stuff like that.
I rebuked him for not being able to talk to me like this and he got even more angry and slapped my face.
A proper slap. I was so perplexed at first that I just couldn't say anything.
I stood there and couldn't believe that the man I loved so much just raised his hand to me.
It hurt me a lot more mentally than physically. I asked myself what did I do to deserve this? Why me?
That evening, I didn't notice anything and we went home later.
At home he apologized for his behavior, but in the same breath said that it was my fault because I provoke him so much with my behavior .
His words are still buzzing in my head to this day: “I'm sorry, little one, I didn’t mean to do it, but I can’t help it if you drive me crazy like that drive with your behavior.
You need to be more careful how you behave.”
That's when I finally saw that he was just a narcissist bursting with self-love and he will never change and will truly love me.
He just couldn't shake his narcissism . I realized that it wasn't true love and that he would play his mind games with me forever.
I had to draw a line, no matter how difficult it will be. Loving a narcissist is hard, but breaking up with one is even harder.
My family and friends only knew dear, nice Andreas because he was good at hiding his second face and I was I was ashamed of not telling anyone about our problems.
So I was on my own and had to somehow break away from this psychopath.
It was a hard road , with many outbursts of anger, arguments and violence.
Andreas didn't want to see that I was ending the relationship and for a long time refused to move out of the shared apartment.
When I tried to distance myself, the terror began: he kept texting me where I was, what I'm doing, who I'm with…
I even wanted to log out of all social networks, just so he wouldn't have a chance to follow my every step.
Then when I got home, the terror continued until it got so mad that it hit again…
i was broken All my life I dreamed of a prince charming who would love and honor me.
Instead I got a loser with a narcissistic personality disorder who would emotionally abuse me to nothing more of me left.
All the compliments that I was the girl of his dreams and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and the gifts he gave me were worth nothing because his narcissism showed how selfish and egotistical he was and how much he didn't care about me was.
In the end I had to call the police, who then evicted him from the apartment and issued a restraining order against him.
Since the apartment was in my name, he had no right to live in it without my consent.
I changed my phone number, blocked him on all social media and told my family and friends the truth about our relationship.
I got professional help to process this terror that was part of my life for over two years.
I wrote about the phases of my healing in another article, which you can read here can: The 8 stages of healing after escaping a relationship with a narcissist.
After successful therapy, I wanted to start my life over again.
I decided to help other women with the same problems, so I founded in my city a support group for women who have been in contact with narcissists in their lives, be it boyfriend, spouse, narcissistic mother/father or boss at work.
I just wanted to help women find their way out of a relationship like this and back to themselves.
Additionally, I am writing this article to encourage women who live further away To be of support in their fight against narcissists and to give them courage.
Be strong and don't let them get you down. No man in the world is worth losing your self and not being happy anymore!
Traits of a Narcissist
Many women do not immediately realize that they have been with a narcissist.
Here I will give you some characteristics of a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder so that you can recognize it as soon as possible. nnt if you are in a toxic relationship and can put an end to it in time to avoid destroying yourself.
1. Narcissists are always looking for approval
Your partner is a constant seeker of validation and seeks approval in every situation?
There is a good chance that your partner is a narcissist. That feeds his ego.
However, this also shows his weakness at the same time: a narcissist often doubts himself and therefore seeks confirmation and recognition from others.
2. Narcissists are know-it-alls
Narcissism stands for the self-love and self-admiration of a person who considers himself to be something better and more important.
He also thinks he knows everything better and does not allow anyone else's opinion, as long as it doesn't correspond to his opinion.
A narcissist would like to be the center of attention all the time and be adored by others for his intelligence.
He comes across as incredibly important before when the others come to him and ask him for advice, that pushes his ego immensely. If he doesn't, he gets angry.
3. Others are to blame for their failures
When something goes wrong in a narcissist's life, it's always the others' fault and never the narcissist's fault.
You've probably felt that on your own skin.
He's a master manipulative and knows; exactly how he can make other people feel bad and blame them.
4. Lack of empathy
That's probably one of the biggest characteristics of narcissists, they are not empaths.
When he's feeling down, everyone has to be there for him and feel sorry for him, but it's the other way around he is nowhere to be found when you need his help.
If he doesn't see any benefit in helping others, he won't.
This applies to both; For the world of work as well as for his romantic relationship, but you probably already know that.
What's the best way to punish a narcissist?
Now that you've made it out of this toxic relationship, the first thing to think about is how best to punish them ;r can punish all the harm he has done to us.
Of course, revenge is not necessarily the most mature method, as you are actually looking forward to a happy future and the horrible past should leave behind.
I want to share with you a method that my psychologist also suggested to me to process this narcissistic sociopath.
The best revenge will be by ignoring them and focusing on yourself.
This may sound completely banal, but ignoring a narcissist will knock the rug out from under them.
As I explained to you with the characteristics of a narcissist, they are constantly looking for approval, so they are looking for attention.
Taking it away from them will be the best revenge.
Of course, this sounds easier than it actually is. Ignoring someone you truly loved and have been together for a long time is never easy.
Especially not with a narcissistic guy. Punishing him like this will hit him hard.
He will probably also be very angry about it and will try to contact you.
He will ambush you or write messages all the time. He may also start spreading nasty stories about you.
The real reason is simply that he is trying to get your attention and get you back.
His narcissistic anger will drive him to do things that can be very hurtful, but you must stay strong.
Block him on all social media, change your phone number if you have to, don't respond to his messages.
He's part of your past and should stay there.
It There is no reason to let this man and his hyper narcissism back into your life and cutting contact is the way to go.
When he finally sees that he has lost you , he will let you go and look for another victim.
It is important that you realize that it is not your fault and that it is his narcissistic personality disorder that is the reason why it didn't work.
Focus on yourself
The best revenge will be when you regain your self-confidence and love yourself.
It's a true win-win situation: he'll be crushed when he sees that you're not suffering from your breakup, on the contrary, you seem really happy and you're rebuilding yourself and showing strength .
When narcissists realize that you don't care about them at all and you are happy without them, that is the greatest punishment for them.
I know ;, you're probably thinking to yourself that this doesn't sound like revenge, but believe me, it will.
Direct all your energy that you would put into getting revenge on him into yourself and work on your self-confidence.
The toxic relationship and his narcissism took a toll on you, eroding your self-image and leaving you hurt and depressed.
You need to recover from this and get back on your feet.
So dedicate yourself to yourself and not to him. Pursue a hobby or catch up on things you couldn't do while you were in a relationship. Take your mind off things.
Put yourself first, you should put yourself first.
Now that doesn't mean that you will become a narcissist yourself, just that you concentrate on your well-being and just enjoy the time alone.
And if you happen to run into him, then pass him by with pride.
Proud because he didn't break you, because now you are stronger than ever and because he is the one who lost and not you.
You will emerge victorious in the end because a narcissist will never be able to find true love, let alone become an empath.
It is not in their nature and consider yourself lucky to have distanced yourself from him, because in the long run this relationship would only have torn you to pieces.
Narcissism describes narcissism and self-admiration of someone who thinks they are something better.
You cannot convince a narcissist to change your mind because they always think they know better. You can't change his behavior, but you can change yours.
His need for attention is the most distinctive characteristic. He will play games with you as he is the master of manipulation.
At first glance he seems to be a perfect gentleman who knows how to compliment a woman and how to win her over.
But soon after, he becomes his true colors show that of a narcissistic man who only wants to gain his own advantage.
If you don’t give him your full attention or offend him in any way, he will pay you back double and triple .
In a relationship with a narcissist you go through hell and end up being just a shadow of yourself.
When asked "How do I punish a narcissist?" there is only one right answer: ignore him and focus on yourself.
This will be the greatest punishment for him.
There is nothing worse for ;r a narcissist than not giving them the attention they need and showing them that you can be happy without them.
Is your gut telling you there's something wrong with him?
Then check if your partner exhibits the traits of a narcissistic man and if so, put an end to it as soon as possible.
I've been through this myself and I know how difficult it is to break free from the clutches of a narcissist. But it is possible! You just have to have courage and be strong!
Don't feel ashamed and get professional help.
You could just google to see which psychologists are in your area.
I went to a psychologist for over a year who showed me different strategies on how to process this toxic relationship and can put it to rest.
I have met many women who have had similar experiences with narcissistic people and they are all proud to have made their way out of such a toxic relationship.
I even wrote a letter to all the women who survived this emotional abuse in the hope that it will give many other women the courage to finally break free and see that they have so much deserve more than this narcissistic man can ever give them.
I hope I have been able to help you with my experiences and advice.
Remember that it is not your fault if you that he manipulates and exploits you, but you do very well l have a chance to put an end to it all.