Deep down you know it wasn't true love. Love shouldn't be like this. Love shouldn't hurt or wear you down. Love shouldn't make you feel worthless. But your love did just that.
Your love broke your heart every morning when you woke up. Your love hurt you with every SMS received. Your love destroyed you with every harsh word she spoke.
It wasn't always like that. When you met him, he wanted to lay the world at your feet. He wanted to give you security and protection. He wanted to wrap his love around you and hold you securely in his arms – protect you from bad people and the evil world.
Isn't that every girl's dream? Isn't that exactly what you always wanted?
So you participated. You accepted to follow him blindly because you saw a ray of sunshine at the end of your dark and lonely tunnel. Who would have thought he would drag you deeper into the darkness instead of showing you the exit?
He began to change, his hidden ‘corrupt’ Show face step by step. It started with nagging: “You shouldn’t have done this and you shouldn’t have done that…”, but it got worse and worse.
He started to blame you for every thing he did didn't agree or didn't like yelling at. He just wanted you to dance to his music.
He wanted you to become someone else, someone on his wavelength – a stranger for you. He wanted you to be perfect, his little work of art.
And you became. You couldn't recognize yourself anymore. You weren't the person you were before. Piece by piece he made sure of it. He corrected you in everything you did.
Even in your moments of disillusionment, when you weren't stunned by his words and actions, when you knew you weren't crazy and it's not your fault, as he claimed, you couldn't fight back.
He disarmed you right at the start of your fight.
He let you believe things that weren't true, he made up words and breathed life into them as if they were coming out of your mouth. It was hopeless and you were lost with nowhere to go but stay there and wait for it to finish.
Sometimes you even apologized for things that you never did just to make him calm down, to finally leave you alone. You could no longer hear him and his screams.
Every single one of his cold and heartless words stabbed you to the core of your heart like they were old and rusty but sharp blades.
Those painful and humiliating moments got you there , where you are now – far away from him. Although you felt like you couldn't take it anymore, you didn't realize that each of his harmful actions gave you more strength to leave him.
I know that you know that now .
Every time you wanted to leave, he would pull you back.
Whenever you confronted him and told him how badly he treated you, you would choose. he would immediately apologize and treat you kindly for a few days, until the old cycle resumed.
As soon as he saw that you had freaked out, he would become a jerk again.
< em>You always thought he would change.
You knew you didn't fall in love with him without a reason, but you couldn't remember it. So you kept thinking that he would change. You lied to yourself that it was just a phase that would pass.
You even tried to help him see that he wasn't a good person. All this was in vain. People can't change if they don't want to.
There's nothing you can do, so it would be better if you never tried. You should have left a long time ago.
But it's okay because you left. You somehow found the strength and a simple goodbye was enough. Complete. It's history now.
You found the strength to accept the relationship for what it was – a bunch of toxic lies.
You got tired of the lying and cheating. You're just broken And he couldn't stop.
Not only did he lie to you, he abused you emotionally by telling you things that aren't true. He drove you insane and made you do what he wanted.
You found the strength to finally stop it all.< /p>
You have decided to stop subjecting yourself to pain. You decided not to waste your life on that pathetic bastard who sucked you dry.
You've decided you've had enough of letting him tear you up inside.
You've found the strength to finally realize that you deserve better.
You know that life is finite and you've finally realized that by associating with the wrong person you may be missing out on the one. You knew it was time to change that at all costs.
The kind of love you got wasn't the love you deserved and the amount of love you put into the relationship wasn't reciprocated one bit.
You found the strength to accept that leaving him will hurt you.
Of course it would hurt. No matter what he did to you, you got used to having him with you. It was a part of your life for a long time and now it's gone.
Any change is scary, even a good one. The worst part is right after the breakup. It hurts you to be alone and to remember that he made you feel rejected and worthless.
You found the strength to take control of your own life.
This is your most important realization. You finally realized that you have to do something. You have realized that you can refuse to continue living like this. You may now need help from your friends and family, perhaps professional help.
Whatever it is, don't hesitate to ask to do something. This is the first but most important step in your life. A life without abuse, without him.
Don't let anyone define you and shape you as if you were a piece of clay. Don't let anyone make their personal work of art out of you because you are the only one who knows what you need, want and deserve. Don't settle for anything less.