Franziska had already finished work for an hour. But she sat still in the office.
She flipped through a magazine without actually reading it. What else could I do, what else could I do?
Maybe I could go shopping. No, I don't have any more space, I've already bought everything. Visit my parents?
Last time they were suspicious and asked me why I visit them so often … Maybe I can have a coffee alone in peace.
One thing was certain: she didn't want to go home. Namely Jan was at home.
She can't believe she was so happy once when they decided to live together. Now she would like to go back in time and avoid that.
It used to be so much better. In the past she would be happy to see him. She couldn't wait for her date night.
She thought living together would be lovely. And it was in the beginning.
But not anymore. Now she could hardly bear him. Everything he did annoyed her.
There were always fights. Even when he suggested a weekend getaway, she couldn't be happier. She said yes, but she really didn't want to.
Without work, that means being with him 24 hours a day. She knows not even what to talk about all this time. She found it much better to avoid each other.
What Franziska didn't know is that she is going through a relationship burnout. Burnout is something you experience at work, what does that have to do with a relationship?
Yes, when you hear about burnout patients, you think of people who are too have given a lot and just can't go on.
But emotional burnout is also possible and occurs when someone always gives 100 percent for their relationship but doesn't have the feeling that he gets the same back from the partner.
Today you will learn:
• What are the warning signs of relationship burnout?
• Relationship burnout or depression?
• Does relationship burnout mean the end of a relationship?
• How can you avoid relationship burnout?
What are the warning signs of relationship burnout?
It is very important to recognize the signs of relationship burnout in good time. It is not only important for your relationship, but also for your health.
1. Stress and irritability
Having an exciting relationship where there is never a dull moment can be interesting for a while. Even the discussions and arguments can be interesting for a while.
But when it comes to the point where the discussions and arguments turn into arguments more and more often, it's not that interesting anymore.
If you often have constant stress in the relationship and can never really relax, it has a bad effect on you.
This stress also creates a certain irritability. Everything the partner does is wrong. Sometimes you feel like you're looking for something to start a fight.
Have you experienced this before? You feel all these strong emotions inside and you just want to get rid of them, so if your partner makes a mistake, you just wait for a little thing and then the argument starts.
You know yourself that you are exaggerating and that your feelings actually have nothing to do with this situation, but you don't give up.
2. No concentration and attention
It often happens that you just get lost in your thoughts. Suddenly you realize that your partner is waiting for an answer from you, but you have no idea what he was talking about.
You sometimes feel like you are living your life from the outside ;en watching.
If a problem arises again, you ask yourself how it came about, how you got yourself into this situation and do not concentrate on how the situation is developing.
< h2>3. Helplessness
After all this stress, after all you've done for your relationship, you don't see a way forward. You're just ready to give up.
You don’t even want to argue anymore. You don't care at all and you are indifferent.
Whatever your partner does or doesn't do is his business. It has nothing to do with you.
You feel your feelings getting colder. Maybe you're not ready to end the relationship yet, but you don't want to continue fighting either.
You just prefer to back off and just let it happen. The relationship looks more like you're two roommates who aren't even friends and not like lovers.
4. Fear of the future
Once you thought this man was the love of your life. You wanted to stay with him forever. Making plans together for the future was the best thing you could have imagined.
But it's not like that anymore. Now you're wondering if this is really all you can expect from life and love.
You don't think that's enough to have a future together. You don't know how much longer you can and want to endure it.
Even if your partner has a suggestion of what you could do together, even if it's something that makes you happy ;you just don't feel like it.
Spending time together and doing something together suddenly sounds like torture.
5. No interest in love life
A kiss, a hug used to solve all relationship problems. Now you don’t even have the desire to exchange caresses and be close to your partner.
The strong emotions and tension between you would often lead to this in the past’ hear you end up in bed. Even arguments used to lead to it.
Now you can't remember the last time you made love. But you're not interested anyway.
You're not even worried about it, and you're not wondering if that's an alarm signal. You just feel like you have no physical needs. You're not even interested in masturbation.
6. Lack of sleep and tiredness
All that stress, all those questions running through your mind, you end up finding yourself even harder relax. You can't even sleep.
Without enough sleep, energy reserves quickly run out and you feel tired all the time.
Being tired means you don't feel like doing anything with your partner and this keeps you going away more, which again leads to questions and stress. A real vicious circle.
7. Weight Gain
Thanks to recent brain research, we now know that increased stress levels are associated with weight gain. The stress hormone cortisol is to blame.
How many times have you been in a stressful situation and thought if you had something to munch on you you would feel better. Well I've been several times 😀
And of course we don’t want any fruit or vegetables at this moment, we want something sweet or something greasy, whatever at the end has a painful consequence on our figure.
Relationship burnout or depression?
A great many of the symptoms of burnout are similar to the symptoms of depression. How then can you tell one from the other?
The biggest difference is that with depression the helplessness, lack of interest and listlessness show up on all levels of life, whereas with burnout it is more about the feelings towards the partner and the relationship.
In a relationship burnout, a little time out is often enough to get rid of at least part of the symptoms. You can't expect such quick success with depression.
Precisely because they are so similar at first glance, it is important to get an expert's opinion on these symptoms.
An experienced psychotherapist will certainly not make a wrong diagnosis, which can happen with a self-diagnosis .
Does relationship burnout mean the end of a relationship?
No, it doesn't have to be. It can simply be a relationship crisis that can be overcome and even avoided.
In every relationship the question go or stay sometimes comes up. on. Only you can answer this question.
With the help of personal testing, you can make this important decision. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
• Do I still love my partner?
• Am I still loyal to him?
• Do I feel loved and valued?
• Was there a breach of trust between us?
? Does my partner want to fight for the relationship?
If you can find the answer to these questions, it will be easier for you to make a decision.
If you If you decide to stay in the relationship, I can't offer you a 100% recipe for success that will work for every relationship, but you can read on and learn how to work on the relationship alone or with your partner. to have a happy relationship again.
How to avoid relationship burnout?
It is possible to avoid burnout. If it has already happened, you can overcome it and have a happy relationship again.
Learn how to fight relationship burnout with these tips.
1. Openness and Honesty
In the beginning of a relationship we believe that our partner is perfect. We are so in love that we can't find any bad sides in him.
As time goes by, we realize that there are a few sides to him that we don't really like. Especially when we decide to live together, we learn a lot about our partner very quickly.
First love still has a big influence on us and we make decisions, these things to ignore and not to address. Until one day it just becomes too much.
All the little things came together and now it's a big problem. But since we have never spoken about these things, the partner has no idea how much it bothers us.
This is precisely why openness and honesty are very important in a relationship. You can actually avoid a lot of relationship problems by talking to your partner about them in good time.
No one can read someone else's mind. If you need something, if you don't like something, you have to say it too.
2. Adjust expectations
You probably have certain expectations of what a happy relationship and successful partnership should look like. You may also have expectations of how your partner should behave or even develop.
And then things don't go according to YOUR plan. That's where your fault lies. You made your plan yourself.
If you don't address the little things or even the bigger things that you don't like about the relationship but think they will work themselves out, you are making a huge mistake.
Your expectations are then not real and you will probably be disappointed.
You need to be aware that even if you tell your partner what bothers you and what doesn't work for you in the relationship; ll you can't expect him to change completely.
Trying to change or even “improve” the partner. is not the solution.
Therefore, you should also adjust your expectations a little and be willing to compromise.
3. Don't neglect self-love
When the relationship takes a lot of our time and energy, sometimes we forget about ourselves. Yes, in the relationship we are a 'we', but this “I” should not be neglected either.
One who does not love himself cannot love another person. Love begins with self-love.
Make time for self-care. Don't allow stress to wreak havoc on your health anymore.
When you learn to take care of yourself properly, you will have more energy, your stress levels will be lower and you will feel better in general feel better. When you feel better, you will love yourself more.
Your self-esteem and physical well-being are interconnected and interdependent. They don't say for nothing A healthy mind in a healthy body.
4. Learn to make the right compromises together
Many people misunderstand what it means to make a compromise. After a compromise, both sides should be happy, that's the idea behind it.
In practice, however, we often see that when two partners cannot agree, they both give up their desires and then both feel like losers. This is not a compromise.
Try to imagine this situation: You want the two of you to spend New Year's Eve with your friends. He wants you to spend it with his friends.
Unable to agree, you decide to stay home alone. This is not a compromise. So you both end up dissatisfied and blame each other for that dissatisfaction.
A compromise would be to bring both circles of friends together, even organize a celebration for everyone yourself, so that both of your wishes are fulfilled.
5. Practicing applied communication
Communicating does not just mean talking to each other. Even in an argument you talk, but you can't really call it communication.
There are different ways of communicating with each other. To make it easier to explain, I'll show it with an example.
Imagine you are in the car with your partner. You've been driving for a few hours, but you still have a long way to go.
You say you're hungry. Your partner has three options for reacting:
Averted communication: Why didn't you eat more or take something with you?
Indifferent Communication: Yes, we've been driving for a while.
Applied Communication: At the next opportunity we'll take a break and eat something.
Which of these answers would you most like to hear? The third, of course.
Applied communication means not just listening, but recognizing needs and responding to them. When you learn to communicate in this way, you will easily find your way back to each other and your love together.
In order to learn how to communicate properly with one another, you are welcome to hire a communication trainer who will teach you several techniques on how to communicate successfully with one another.
6. Do not avoid couples therapy
Many people believe that couples therapy or marriage counseling is simply a last hopeless step before separation. But it really isn't that.
The sooner you realize that you have relationship problems that you can't solve yourself and consult a relationship counselor, the better the chances of having a happy relationship again.
It is particularly important that the relationship guide can help both in finding the causes of the relationship crisis and in finding a solution.
Well, if you can't go on alone but love is still there, it's time to ask the experts for advice.
A relationship takes a lot of work and effort. A happy relationship even more.
Sometimes it can all just be too much and we don't have the strength to go on. Emotionally and physically we are at the end of our energy reserves.
We then experience a relationship burnout. Stress, irritability, but also listlessness and fatigue somehow all coexist in our lives.
It may seem like there is no way forward, but with the help of a few tips, this can only be a short-term one phase in your life and in your relationship.