Shock! You thought it would never happen to you. Your relationship seemed ideal. You've had some disagreements and arguments from time to time, but nothing that doesn't exist in every relationship.
One night he fell asleep in front of you … A message appeared on the screen of his smartphone. Feminine intuition and your gut feeling bothered you.
You are not the person who controls your partner or the one who checks his smartphone, but in that moment you couldn't help it , because a little voice in your head tells you: Read the message!
You take his smartphone and look at the screen. No name but the message says I can't wait to see you again. It was wonderful for me.
Suddenly, realization hit me like lightning. The jigsaw pieces come together and you instantly know: he's cheating.
Suddenly it all makes sense, the overtime hours, constant smartphone staring, weird phone calls – everything matches.
You spend a sleepless night racking your brains about what to do, how and if to tell him.
You are shocked, hurt, angry, disappointed, sad. You feel like you're about to burst.
Nothing will ever be the same again …
Cheating can level a relationship to the ground. Trust built over the years, living together, the good and bad times, kids …
How do you deal with it? Should you forgive the affair or pack up and leave once and for all?
The damage has been done and there are only two choices: forgive the affair and stay together or call it quits and leave the scammer.
But how do you forgive cheating and move on? How can you trust someone after they've betrayed trust?
How to see the partner with the same eyes? Can what was once destroyed be rebuilt? You can find the answers to all these questions right here.
Nowadays it has become common to hear that partners cheat on each other while at the same time most people live in monogamy, fidelity want in a relationship and marriage and pledge eternal fidelity when they get married.
An affair doesn't just happen in bad marriages and unhappy relationships. Sometimes several things come together and a situation arises where a person just forgets all the rules and gives in.
So read on and find out why people cheat on their partners and when it's worth it fighting for a relationship and when it's time to say goodbye once and for all.
How do you deal with affairs?
When one discovers that one's partner has cheated, there is shock and disbelief. You just don't want to accept that he did what he did.
In addition, the betrayed person has self-doubt and doubts about the love of their partner.
The betrayed person wonders :
How did this happen? why did he do that? Am I not good enough for him? what's wrong with me has he ever loved me Has he ever been happy with me?
The betrayer's confidence is low and he wonders if he will ever be able to trust someone again when the person he loves the most could stab you in the back.
Absolutely is An affair is not always just sexual intercourse, although most of the time it is. An affair can be both physical and emotional.
A physical affair involves physical attraction to and sexual intercourse with another person and is the most common form of Affair.
A work colleague, a work party, some wine, a spark and what shouldn't have happened has already happened.
On the other hand, there is an emotional affair that runs through platonic love manifested.
Two people who know they can't be together because they are both married or in a relationship fall in love and bond emotionally, but this affair doesn't turn into one for various reasons physical.
An emotional affair can also be with someone we meet online.
In some forums, chats, social networks we find a person, it comes to a conversation and we discover that this one person understands us, has the same problems as us etc.
You never have to meet that person in your life, but sharing your deepest feelings, fears and thoughts over the internet is a form of cheating and can damage both of your relationships.
Find out more about other types of scams out there.
When it comes to cheating, there are people who think it's all black and white. consider, but also those that delve a little deeper into the problem.
The former don't think twice about whether they will forgive the affair, but immediately pack their things and leave without looking back, while the latter try to solve the problem and find out why affair happened in the first place.
Sometimes an affair doesn't necessarily have to be the end of a relationship. Sometimes it's just a warning sign that something is wrong with the relationship and that things need to change.
What does it depend on?
Forgiving an affair or leaving your unfaithful partner depends on the following factors:
1. Kind of affair: Was it just a slip? A one night stand with a drunk co-worker? Or was it just a chat with someone you don't know at all? Is it a long parallel relationship?
Depending on the nature of the affair, the dupe can determine how serious the case is and judge whether it is worth giving another chance or not not.
2. The duration of the affair:How long it all lasts is a factor in pointing to when the relationship problems started.
If it's a long-term affair, it's already harder to get over and forgive.< /p>
3. The reason for the affair: Is it a lack of self-control under the influence of alcohol or some major relationship issues like cold feelings, lack of love, etc.?
These factors are crucial for a decision.
There are couples whose relationship is even better after the affair, but there are also couples who never recover from it, but for various reasons such as e.g. children or finances still stay together.
Here you will learn how to deal with cheating, when to fight and when to give up.
1. Stay sane
The first step is to keep your cool. Even if you are angry, upset and disappointed at the moment you find out about the cheating and want to take your anger out on your partner.
Lovesickness does hurt so bad you want to scream at the top of your lungs for the whole world to hear. This is a normal reaction to the disappointment you've experienced, but unfortunately it won't solve your problems.
You have to let your feelings out. Cry, scream, break something – it's okay, but not in front of your partner. It would be best if you avoided him for a few days.
For example, go to your family and friends so you can think carefully about how you are with him deal with and what questions you will ask him.
2. Open communication is the key to success
Once you're back on track, it's time to face him. Of course you will feel a rush of sadness, anger and tears in this moment as well, but you need to be sensible.
Tell him everything how you found it, how you felt in that moment. Before you ask him the questions, think carefully about whether you will like the answer and whether you want to hear it at all.
Avoid questions like:
< p>How could you do this to me?
What kind of person are you?
Why did you do this to me?
What has she and I haven't?
What has been done has been done and with questions like that you can you will only evoke an angry reaction in him and it will only escalate into a fight. Ask questions like:
How long did it take?
Why did this happen?
< em>Did you look for it or did it just happen?
Did you have a guilty conscience?
3. Find the reason for cheating
Of course, the first thought of cheating is to blame your partner. While it's logical since he's the one who has hooked up with someone else.
Although it's difficult at this moment, it's necessary to reflect on yourself. Take a little look at your relationship and try to figure out where the problem might be.
Have you been under stress lately, have you avoided having sex with him, when was the last time you told him you love him and such?
I'm not saying that you tell yourself should blame him for cheating on you, it was his decision.
But there is a problem somewhere that needs to be discovered so that you know if you can forgive the affair and if you can also do something to make the relationship better.
4. Make a decision
Making a decision is the hardest part. … How can I leave someone I love, but how can I trust them again after betraying them?
When you have to make a decision, the first thing to think about is how much you can tolerate and how much strength you have to try again.
It's not easy at all because if this problem comes up again and you're not sure if you can handle it, it will be difficult to work on the relationship.
Because if you keep holding grudges cherish, at every next disagreement you will blame him for some misstep.
If he says, for example, that he is going out with friends, doubts will always enter your mind and you will never be calm.
You'll be jealous all the time, you'll want to control him, you'll check his every move and by the end you'll both be tired of trying to save something that's doomed to fail.
< p>If you are not ready to face all the consequences of infidelity, it is best to leave your partner for your own good.
To help you make the right decision I have some advice for you on when to forgive an affair and when to fight for your relationship:
When is it worth forgiving an affair?
1. If you still love each other
A long-term relationship and everyday routine are not a good combination. Everything gets monotonous after a while, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is bad, just that everyday life and stress take over.
Sometimes, because of all our commitments, we forget to pay attention to our partner. We forget about romance because we know our partner is there for us.
We think we've been in a relationship for a long time, we've gotten past that romantic phase and then it's over Passion fires up an ember and the partner begins to look for a new fire that he needs.
And it's only when an affair has happened that we realize that we're still each other every day Making an effort and proving our love so that our partner really knows how we feel about them.
If this is the case for you and the feelings are still strong, it is worth forgiving the affair and continuing the relationship.
In this case, both partners are half to blame , because they have neglected their relationship and each other, but it can be worked on if both really want it.
Here are 2 things that will bring new fire into your relationship.
2. If the infidelity is just a warning sign for you
While it is believed that an affair can only destroy a relationship, there are cases to the contrary. For some couples, cheating on their partner was something that brought them to their senses and showed them what they have at home.
Many realize they made a mistake and have a bad one conscience, but on the other hand they are grateful that they realized that their relationship is still valuable.
Then they start to work even harder on their relationship and care more about their partner.
An affair can really be an eye opener and a clue to what's going on in a relationship missing, maybe it's a monotonous love life or lack of attention and tenderness.
Of course, starting over after the misstep is difficult, but an open and honest conversation with your partner can help to find out the real reason for the infidelity and to reveal whether the feelings are still there.
< h2>3. When the cheating happened for the first time
We humans are weak. We always encounter some temptations and it's not always easy to resist them, especially today when falling into an affair is so easy.
Starting with the internet, liking a photo, then exchanging messages, a little small talk and there are already signs that something illegal is about to happen.
Even dating someone of the opposite sex online is for ;for some people, a kind of affair they cannot forgive.
In any case, it could be a sign that an affair is worth trying forgive when your partner cheated on you for the first time.
Especially if you knew him before the relationship and you know that he was faithful to other girlfriends and that he really is not that kind of man .
But he just succumbed to temptation and that was a blip. Such short superficial flings can still be overcome.
Of course it depends on the person, but in this case it's worth giving another chance , because we are all human, make mistakes and sometimes unfortunately make reckless decisions.
4. When he promises never to do it again
Of course we can’t keep promises blindly and it doesn’t necessarily mean they will be fulfilled, but it’s easier for us to forgive and get over it when the partner promises something ’ nothing like this will ever happen again.
There are also those who say it won't happen again and they think to themselves: It won't happen again because next time I'll hide it better. But every cheating will be exposed sooner or later.
You know your partner best. You can tell from his face if he really regrets what he did or if his word is just an empty promise.
You can tell from his demeanor if he has a bad conscience or not.
If he takes full responsibility for his actions and looks deep and straight into your eyes while making the promise, then he is worth forgiving and giving him another chance.
If you have decided to forgive the affair and fight for your relationship, read on! Below are tips on how to forgive an affair and get your relationship back on track.
Tips on how to forgive an affair< /em>
1. A decision to start over
The decision must not only be yours, but also your partner's. You need to figure out together what you want to work on and what needs improvement in your relationship.
If you decide to forgive him for the affair and try again, but on his part everything stays the same, then this makes no sense. The effort must be mutual.
Of course, making a decision doesn't mean you'll forget what he did overnight, but at least you both know where you are and where you're starting from.
2. Get help
Sometimes we can't do some things on our own and we really need help. And so also in this case. You can consult with a friend who you know has been through the same thing.
You can also visit various forums and chats where people discuss similar issues. However, the best option is couples therapy or marriage counseling.
This way, you will receive competent counseling that both of you will attend.
You can also be sure that it will be of more use to you as a couples therapist can look at your relationship from different perspectives and tell you what your next step should be.
3. Establishing new trust
This is perhaps the most difficult step in rebuilding relationships.
Somehow you realize that maybe it won't be the same as before, but you can do your best to make it happen.
The betrayed has to face himself with his feelings of jealousy, of anger and the disappointment and learn to control it.
On the other hand, the partner who cheated will struggle with remorse and guilt.
The point is that you will experience crises and difficult moments throughout the process.
But if you support each other and help each other overcome these feelings, you create a new basis of trust that will be the basis of your new relationship.
4. Looking ahead
The worst thing you can do is go back to the past and think about what happened.
< p>It's okay to talk about it, but you don't need to make it your everyday topic of conversation.
To bring the relationship back to normal, you should talk about the future and look ahead. What are your common goals, what have you achieved so far, what do you still want to achieve and the like.
This gives you hope and optimism that if you overcome this difficulty, you will overcome every obstacle that may come your way in the future.
5. Set the rules of the game
If you decide to trust him again and give him another chance, you need to let him know how valuable it is.
You need to agree that when one of you goes out with friends, he sends a message that everything is ok or when one calls the other one and the other one answers and the like.
Here you can agree the rule like it is best for both of you.
You must never allow yourself to be exploited. Let this be some sort of ultimatum so your partner knows that if they try something similar again, they will lose you.
If this is an outside relationship that has been going on for a long time , it's already a little harder to get over, but it all depends on you, how much you can take and whether you're willing to take risks.
If you find out the same thing happened again, then he doesn't deserve you to stay with him and give him another chance.
It doesn't matter if he slept with a different lover or with the same lover or not he hasn't broken up with her, with whom he was in a parallel relationship – he is still a scammer.
He betrays your trust once – you give him another chance. He betrays your trust a second time – then you close the door of your life on him once and for all.
You don't deserve to go through the same thing no matter how much you love him because if nothing changes since the first time has changed, it will only repeat itself over and over again.
Conclusion: Cheating is not just an immediate decision, but a number of factors that have been going on for some time and it depends how much a person can resist temptation.
We all make mistakes and no one is perfect and we need to know how to forgive.
So if you believe that your love is still stronger than fling, you can try again with your partner and you both have to make an effort to make the relationship even better.
If nothing ä changes and he betrays your trust again, it's time to say goodbye. Go and don't look around because life is too short to waste time on scammers.