I know things didn't work out between us and I know we weren't a good match, but I still want to thank you for what we had. I want to thank you for letting me fall for you so much and for falling for me so much. I want to thank you for letting me be dumb and silly and for not even caring about what I wear or what my hair looks like. I want to thank you for supporting me every day and trying your best to always be there for me even when I made it difficult.
< strong>I want to thank you for everything, even though we weren't made for each other.
I understand now that despite the joy we had together and despite how right you felt in every way imaginable, we were never meant to last forever. We were temporary from the day you came into my life. We were fleeting from the moment we first came in sight and from the first crescent smile you flashed at me from across the room. But even though you should never be with me long-term, I still fell for you. And when our chapter ended, I was still broken. I still felt like my whole world was collapsing.
When our part was over, I couldn't stop the what-and-maybe thoughts flooding my head. I couldn't heal my broken heart because I couldn't understand why we were wrong. My thoughts were still with you. I'm still stuck on you Even though I knew we didn't belong together, I still wasn't ready to let go. I didn't want to give up our cozy little corner of the world; our corner that only we shared. I didn’t want to give up the opportunities I thought we still had. And most of all, I didn't want to let go of the happiness you brought me. I couldn't imagine my life feeling so good without you.
You would never have been my everything, no matter how right you felt … I just couldn't see it then.
I couldn't think logically as butterflies filled my stomach and fire lit my heart. My rose-colored view of you and me and everything you meant to me prevented me from realizing that we weren't right for each other. I couldn't listen to the facts or the logic because I didn't want to. I didn't want to face the truth. I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to say goodbye to all the goodness you brought into my life. I figured if it felt that good, it was right; it had to be right.
But I didn't think about how it could have been better. I didn't think that if I said goodbye to something good, I might find something better. I didn't know anything was missing; something so crucial, so essential. You see, I've learned that the truth is that being with someone you love isn't enough. It's not enough just to be in love. If it's real love, you won't just fall for that person. You will fall in love with yourself too. If it's lasting love, you'll be head over heels in love with who you are when you're with them. You will fall in love with whoever that person helps you to be and become.
If we love someone, it's still not right. We can care so much about someone, yet they may not be our person. They may still not be permanent. But guess what? Maybe that's okay. Maybe all the little love stories are rocks that make you more in love with who you are. Maybe they will lead you to lasting happiness.
I didn't want to let go of someone who made me so happy, who made me fall in love with life. But I've forgotten that I can be fine on my own; that I can still be happy on my own. I forgot that sometimes we have to say goodbye to something good and wait patiently for something better. I followed my feelings and followed my instincts, but I didn't follow my heart. I didn't fall in love with myself. I didn't get close when I was with you. I changed in ways I didn't expect and tried to fit into a mold I thought you would like.
And although we were temporary, you still meant the world to me.
I was still crazy about you. And the fact that we were temporary doesn't mean I'll forget all the times I laughed with you on the phone or all the times I hugged you so tight with no intention of ever loving you to let go. I still remember your intensity and your strength, your excitement and your energy. I still miss all those moments. I still remember every little thing.
And while it didn't last, it was still meaningful. It changed my life nonetheless. You changed my life anyway. And now I know; I need to be with someone who will help me be more myself. I need to be with someone who makes me lighter and freer. I need to be with someone who will challenge me to accept myself for who I am. I need to fall for someone I like because I love who I am when I'm with them.
Now I know; I need to fall in love with someone who will allow me to fall in love with myself.