You were just playing with her. Everything you did was back and forth with her. It was this endless game only you would probably never get tired of. The only problem is that you sucked in a girl who didn't want to be part of your game. She only wanted you, but it was impossible to get you without all the baggage you were carrying.
She is that “relationship” or whatever you call it now so you can project your insecurity onto them. She didn't jump on the bandwagon so you could hold her just close enough to know you existed, but always at arm's length so she never got too close.
Whenever you saw that things were getting serious, you withdrew.
You never wanted to fully surrender. You never wanted to allow yourself to feel everything that a relationship entails. It seemed like you were only there for the good stuff and the small talk, but as soon as things got dicey, as soon as you had to actually bring real emotion to bear, you would flee.< /p>
You always had a habit of disappearing at the most inopportune moment. The moment it seemed to her that you really do feel the way you do, she wouldn't get an answer from you for days. It's like you've just disappeared off the face of the earth.
Whenever she got tired of your games or was waiting for you, you pulled out and started all over again.
The moment you saw her doubting you or your "relationship" questioned, you dragged her back into your little game that usually just led her down a dead end. You would start your sweet talk again and you would appear in front of her whenever you had the chance. You would do anything just to make sure she got used to having you around again and when it finally got too hot; would you go back to your good old trick of ”back off while you still can” names. You would leave her wondering what she did wrong this time.
You knew she could never try anyone else while you were still in the game.
She needed a degree or something to tell her your story was over. But you never gave her any of it. You got them hooked and you always wanted to keep them that way.
You knew she couldn't go on until someone said out loud that everything you had was over. But she could never be the one, not because she was too weak, but because she never knew where she stood with you.
You guys never got a chance to really try and that's what kept them so long. You built a cliffhanger, a suspense that told her greater things were ahead. But those times never came because you were never ready to really commit yourself to them. But you wanted her to think that way because you needed her too.
She was your safe haven. She was the only one who was always there for you no matter what. You knew you could count on her, day or night. She was your person that everyone hopes to find in their lifetime. But you were too afraid to move on, so you dragged her into the whirlwind of your toxicity.
You know, you may be the bigger player here, but you're missing out. You're missing out on the fact that nothing you do will stop her if she decides to cut all the ropes. And while that may seem unreal to you, she will.
It won't be long before she sees you for who you really are. She'll see that you're just a show-off full of promises you never want to keep. That you only stay when it's not serious and that you run away every time real feelings surface.
It won't take her much longer, to see that she deserves more than you. She deserves more than a guy who doesn't know what he wants; more than someone afraid of real feelings.
It won't be long before she realizes that there is someone who gives her everything she deserves and what you didn't want to give her When she realizes that there is someone else who is really trying and who will be there for her like she was for you.
Don't bother going back ;come back when she realizes you're just an immature boy too scared to commit. Because when you realize what you've pushed away, all your efforts to get them back will be in vain. Because she will have found someone who will appreciate her in a way you never knew.