Borderline relatives – What to do when everyday life is too much

Borderlines - What to do when the daily routine is too much

Being successful in your career and on a personal level is what most people want. people.

They try hard, fight for their goals every day and move forward step by step.

Sometimes you experience losses and sometimes you experience man disappointments. You might feel like nothing makes sense, like it's not worth going on.

The stress is too great, the challenges too hard and there is no reward. You doubt yourself and your own worth and abilities.

Most people then find an inner strength to keep going. Even harder, more diligent and even more passionate.

But not some. For some people, every setback is like the end of the world.

For some people the stress of everyday life is too much and they cannot control and organize all their feelings. Their whole life is one big emotional chaos and they often don't feel like living anymore.

You feel like a balloon that is up to the Outermost is inflated. Just a little more pressure and it bursts into a thousand pieces.

These are people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) or borderline syndrome.

And of course the pressure doesn't release and when we're at our limit, there's an explosion. All the emotions come out at once.

In one moment, the stress, the self-doubt, the sadness, the futility come out. And then the tears. 

Because such people don’t know how to control these feelings, they experience mood swings and outbursts of anger.

Do you have someone you care about who has BPD? Not sure how to help him?

In this article you will learn how to distinguish this disorder from simply strong emotions and how to help people with BPD.


What are the causes of BPD and how is it diagnosed? < /h2>

Every person is unique and the same applies to borderline patients. This is precisely why it is sometimes difficult to diagnose borderline. 

The diagnostic criteria for a borderline personality disorder are very similar to those for other mental illnesses, such as depression.

Therefore, a diagnostic key was created that includes other mental illnesses excludes.

Causes for the borderline disorder can be found in genetics. Disorders in the brain regions responsible for emotional control are believed to be responsible for this syndrome.

This means borderliners have trouble controlling their anxiety and aggression.

The genetic condition is often not the only reason for the disorder. In most borderline sufferers, the trigger for the syndrome can be found in childhood, although the disorder is most often seen in adults.

It was identified through discussion with experts that most patients had traumatic experiences in childhood.

Most patients have been neglected by significant others and a large number have even experienced childhood abuse.

Borderline family members – How can I recognize borderline personality disorder?

Not everyone affected has to have all the symptoms that indicate borderline personality disorder.

It It also often happens that different symptoms are more pronounced in different borderline patients.

1. Futility

We all feel down from time to time. We ask ourselves if anything we do makes sense.

We go through the day, wait for the night to rest and start all over again the next day.< /p>

Day by day, week by week. We feel as if we are in a vicious circle with no way out.

For most of us, however, these feelings are temporary. Yes, sometimes they come back, but most of the time we have our goals in mind, we know what we are fighting for.

A person with BPD finds it difficult to find the meaning of life. to see. They try to find meaning through abbreviations, which often ends in even greater disappointment.

2. Impulsivity

Borderliners often react impulsively when trying to find meaning and inner peace. They are willing to try anything that will bring them peace and satisfaction, at least for a while.

Therefore, it often happens that these people have problems with alcoholism or use drugs. They also often have eating disorders and do not know how to manage their money.

For the borderline patient, the pleasure here and now is much more important than the consequences that come later.

He doesn't even think about the consequences of his behavior and how self-destructive his behavior is.

3. Great fear

Borderliners live in constant fear of being alone. We all know that when we're alone, all our problems look bigger and all the big questions we can't answer come back.

That's why we like it to be with other people who are our safety net and distract our minds. Everyone feels better surrounded by loved ones.

But since the meaninglessness of the borderliners is even stronger than usual, it is also more difficult for them to be alone. They need the closeness of other people as a kind of distraction from their own worthlessness.

4. Emotional fluctuations

Every emotion is very pronounced in borderline patients. When they're happy, they're euphoric.

It's wonderful to be around her. They have such a zest for life that it seems like these people don't know what grief means.

But just a little thing is enough to turn the spitß to turn around Something went wrong and where someone else would say it's not that bad, everything else is still fine, a borderliner experiences a total breakdown.

Everything is lost for him, his perfect bubble has burst and the euphoria gives way to a sadness that borders on depression. In one moment his mood shifts from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other – this is what the life of a person with borderline disorder looks like.

Outbursts of anger are also common among these people.

5. Self-Harming Behavior

When the senselessness and self-worth are too great; It is also common for a person with BPD to have suicidal thoughts.

Because they don't see their own worth, they don't believe it's worth moving on. Very many attempt suicide as a last-ditch cry for help.

Some don't go that far, but they do try to manage the stress and anxiety they feel everyday by injuring themselves, like cutting themselves ;valid.

6. Problems with relationships

All of these symptoms not only affect the sufferer themselves, but also all their interpersonal relationships.

Family life, friendships and especially partnerships are great challenges for these people.

It's not easy for those around you either, because they never know for sure how the person affected will react and what anything can be a trigger for his emotional swings.

Although borderliners are always looking to be close to other people, their relationships are often short-term.

The first problem can be a reason for them to give up the relationship and move on, regardless of whether it is a friendship or a partnership.

Is a partnership even possible for borderliners?< /h2>

Hardly any relationship is easy, but for a person with borderline disease, relationships are even more difficult. As is so often the case, the beginning of a partnership is usually beautiful.

In a borderline relationship maybe even nicer because those affected idealize their partner even more than usual.

In every relationship they initially believe they have found the perfect partner, that it is the true, is sincere love and that this is her twin soul. They are smitten with their partner.

They believe that their partner cannot go wrong. And that's where the problem lies.

Of course, no one is perfect and if the partner makes the smallest mistake, the picture that the borderliner has painted shatters and the outrageous love turns into an outrageous disappointment, with which she then cannot handle it.

All of this means that the relationships between borderliners are often very short-lived. They fall in love very quickly and very hard, but they fall out of love just as quickly.

They end the relationship and when they realize that their partner isn't perfect or their partner can't stand their mood swings, they end the relationship themselves.

Yet a partnership is possible, but under certain circumstances ;nd.

If the borderliner is aware that he has a disorder and is willing to work on himself and has a partner who wants to support him, the one with him want to work together, then nothing is impossible.

Borderline family – What can I do for my partner with BPS?

Family members of people with BPD find it difficult to watch their loved ones go through their daily torment. They often ask themselves, is there anything they can do to help them?

If you also have someone with borderline personality disorder, here's what you need. r can make it. 

1. Learn About Borderline

One of the most important things families of people with BPD should do is learn about this syndrome.

You know your partner, but when you learn about the condition, it's easier to distinguish what's part of the symptoms and what's just their personality.

Your partner may have it too only some symptoms and others develop later as a sign that he is getting worse. But if you know what to expect, you're ready for any scenario. 

2. Be empathetic

You've probably felt really nauseous at some point in your life. You were completely devastated. Do you remember how it was?

Your partner feels this way on a daily basis. Try to show empathy and understand him.

Talk to him often, ask him how he is doing and if and how you can help him. However, don't force him to talk about his emotions if you feel like it's getting to be too much.

It's better to wait for a better moment when he's alone looking for a conversation.

3. Don't take it personally

It's not always easy to handle a partner's mood swings and outbursts of anger. It's hard not to take it personally.

But you have to be aware that your partner isn't doing it on purpose. To deal with a borderliner, you must have a thick skin.

You have to keep in mind that it is an illness and that he himself is struggling with it and is not feeling well himself either. He would also rather be cheerful and happy himself.

4. Show him you're there for him

Because people with BPD have a great fear of being alone, it's very important that you tell your partner and also show that you are there for him.

A good idea would be to give him something that is yours so that he always has something with him to remind him that he is not alone.

In situations when you are not are there in person, this gift can then be a proof of your love and a sign that you are coming back.

5. Draw boundaries

Even if one person in the relationship is borderline, it is still a relationship between two people. You need to set boundaries so you don’t completely ignore your own needs. 

You too tell your partner what you need from him. You don't always have to be the one who offers support and your partner is the one who receives the support. 

He can also help you with certain things and in this way his own self-confidence can be boosted’. ken that he feels so needed. 

6. Find a support group

Your partner will feel better when they learn that other people fight the same demons as they do. You can try to understand him, but you won't understand him completely.

Other people who experience the world the same way he does may be just the support he needs. He can also learn from them how to deal with their symptoms. 

That's why a self-help group is just the right thing for him. There he can exchange ideas with others, get advice and gain new courage.

7. Seek professional help 

No matter how many books you read and how much you learn about the syndrome, it's hard to help your partner on your own. Very few borderliners manage to get their lives in order without professional help.

If your partner hasn't already considered it, you should encourage them to seek professional help.

< p>Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), your partner can learn how to deal with stress and tension in a healthy way. 

8. Be ready for a trialogue 

In addition to DBT therapy, the trialogue was also shown, a therapy in which not only the affected person talks to the therapist about his or her veins ;well, but also get family members involved as a good way to manage the syndrome.

A therapist can teach you both to communicate better and more successfully, which is the key to a successful relationship. 

9. Have a contingency plan 

It is important to recognize what is too much for you. Even if you love your partner, it can happen that their illness affects your life too much and you lose yourself.

In this case it might be better to break up with your partner, to protect yourself. You don't have to have a guilty conscience.

A breakup can be a trigger for BPD and make symptoms worse. If you decide to separate from your partner, you should also have someone familiar with the process to take care of them. 

This is especially important if your partner has already tried hurting himself or you know he was having suicidal thoughts. 

10. Don't blame yourself

If you decide to break up with your partner, you may feel like you cheated on them. Like you gave up.

Such feelings are normal after a breakup, but in this case they might be even stronger as you feel your partner is helpless without you. 

But if your relationship was more like a relationship between a nurse and his patient than a love relationship, you shouldn't blame yourself.

No love should be the reason, your own having to give up life. 

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