Yes, of course I never thought my relationship was perfect, but it was a happy relationship. We had problems like any other couple, but I always thought our love was big; is enough and that nothing can separate us.
I kept hearing these stories about someone cheating on someone, someone else having had numerous affairs and that a third person turns a blind eye to the one-night stand that his partner has from time to time.
I've always wondered why anyone would do something like that. If you are not happy in the relationship, then you should just break up and seek your happiness elsewhere.
Never in my life would I have thought that I would experience it myself. When it first occurred to me that my partner might be cheating, I told myself I was being silly.
I tried to come up with various excuses for being cheating r to find his behavior. I ignored the warning signs.
But now I know i it. He couldn't lie anymore and he told me yesterday.
I know; not what to do now. I know I don't even know how I got here, I'm totally confused, my thoughts don't make any sense.
This is not my story, this is the story of one of my friends who came to see me to seek advice. She just found out that her longtime partner cheated on her.
Do you also think that you have an unfaithful partner? Or maybe you suspect that your wife has cheated?
It's probably a situation you've never seriously thought about before. You may have said that you could never forgive an infidelity, but now you understand that it's not that easy.
If you have been scammed or even suspect it, today I have tips for every phase you may be in right now.
Been scammed: the suspicion
< p>Something in your relationship has changed. You have distanced yourself from each other. The once great love no longer exists.
You don't spend as much time together anymore. And even when you're together, it's like there's a wall between you.
You don't recognize your partner anymore. He's not the same person you fell in love with.
Are you wondering what's going on? You felt your partner hiding something. Is it possible that your partner cheated?
1. Recognizing Signs
Is it just your gut feeling telling you something is wrong? Is it just the distance between you two that makes you suspect you've been scammed?
Are there other signs you can use to tell if your partner is having an affair? People who cheat often have a similar pattern of behavior.
One of them is that they suddenly work a lot of overtime that cannot be explained. They also go on different trips and are not at home, but their partner knows; not who they are with.
Or they say that they are with someone their partner doesn't know. And of course, the most common sign of all is when the person hides their smartphone and laptop from their partner so they can't see who they're texting or when they go to another room to pick up the phone.
Do you recognize any of these signs in your partner?
2. Consider alternative
So, even if your gut tells you something is wrong and even if you recognize some of these signs, try again to think everything. Nothing is 100% secure.
It's possible that your partner just has some issues and isn't ready to talk about them yet. Maybe there are relationship problems that you don't see yourself.
Yes, I know, it's not easy being in your place. But before you accuse your partner of cheating, you should be pretty sure you're right.
Otherwise you're the one who is causing problems in the relationship and who caused the betrayal.
More importantly, please don't try to snoop through his stuff to find evidence of cheating. Whether you find them or not, you are the one who broke the trust between you.
An open question is a better solution then.
Been cheated : It is reality
Now there are no more questions, now there are no guesses. Your partner has confirmed it. He cheated.
All your fears have come true. Your whole life has turned upside down. You're not even sure what you're feeling.
Even if you already suspected it, you can't believe it now. How could this happen to me? You never thought you'd find yourself in a position like this.
3. Take your distance
First, take some time. You shouldn't do anything immediately after an affair is discovered.
You know yourself that chaos reigns in your head now. In this state, you will definitely not make good decisions. Cutting contact now, at least for a while, is a good idea.
What you want to say or do right now, you might regret later. You will have time later to say whatever is on your mind.
If you live with your partner, one of you should now leave the apartment. Seeing him all the time won't do you any good. First you have to calm down. And only then can you act.
4. Don't fall victim
Now when you think things can't get any worse, staying strong is especially important. Do not allow self-doubt and bewilderment to take over your life.
I know that at this moment sadness and anger alternate with lovesickness. You're trying to find logic. A reason.
Maybe you blame yourself too. You wonder if you did something wrong, if you chased your partner away and if he didn't get everything he needed from you.
Yes, there are two people in a relationship and relationship problems lö you are together too. It's not your fault that your partner cheated.
It's also important that you don't just see your partner as the cheat and yourself as the cheat. Both of you are much more.
You are still two people who shared a life, who loved each other. Nothing in life is only black or only white, there are many shades of gray.
Been cheated: now you have to make a decision
Maybe you thought that the hardest part was finding out your partner cheated on you. But now you understand that there is something even heavier.
Only now does the torment begin. You must now decide what will become of your relationship: do you want to forgive the affair and save your relationship or does this mean the relationship is over?
5. Look for a conversation
Now it's time for an open and serious conversation between you and your partner. You can of course tell your partner how much they hurt you, but try to keep the conversation calm.
Yes, of course no one will blame you if you cry, but you should avoid screaming, yelling and finger pointing.
It is very important that you give your partner the ask the right questions. Don't ask him to compare you and the affair. Don't ask who is better.
The questions you should ask him are: What does this affair mean to him? Was it just a one-time fling or was it multiple affairs?
Was it an unplanned slip-up or a long-term fling? Also ask him the most important question. Ask him if he wants to stay with you or break up with you to start an affair?
6. Think carefully
Now that you know what your partner thinks about their cheating, it's time to get back to your own thoughts. You must now think carefully about how you want to proceed.
You have to be sure whether you can forgive the cheating or not. Maybe you used to think you'd never forgive an affair, but now when it has happened you're not so sure.
You think back to all the years together. You once had a happy relationship. You may also be married or even have children, which makes the situation even more difficult.
A common mistake people make is that they say they forgive, but then spend their lives blaming their partner for the affair. They keep looking for revenge.
Or they say that they forgive, but every time the partner leaves the house, the mental cinema starts. You are sure that your partner is having an affair again.
This is not a healthy and happy relationship.
Been cheated on: I want to save my relationship< /h2>
When your partner shows you that he really has a guilty conscience. If you're sure he still loves you.
If you still love him and think you can trust him again. And especially when children are involved, it is worth giving the relationship or marriage a second chance.
It won't be easy, you have a long road ahead of you. But if you're both willing to work on the relationship, you're off to a great start.
7. From the beginning
The best thing you two can do now is not to see this situation as a continuation of a broken relationship, but as a new beginning.
You are no longer the same people who once met and have fallen in love with each other. A lot has changed. It's time to meet that new person.
Don't try to just carry on with everyday life as if nothing happened, it won't get you anywhere. Admit there has been a change.
You don't have to move in together again right away. If you're feeling strange, just give yourself some time to rebuild confidence.
8. Couple therapy
The will alone is sometimes not enough. Maybe you just can't find a way forward on your own.
If you're in the same spot but still don't want to give up, it might be time to try couples therapy. You can learn from a counselor how to express your feelings correctly so that there are no misunderstandings.
You can also learn various exercises in couples counseling, that can help you rebuild trust.
Being cheated on: I want to draw a line
Besides cheating, there are also other signs that indicate that it is time to draw a line. Are you sure you recognize them?
If your feelings towards your partner have changed, if you can no longer love them or trust them, the relationship no longer makes sense.
Even if you love them, but you keep fighting and every conversation leads back to the affair, there's no point in continuing the relationship either. It's much better to be single than in an unhappy relationship.
9. Allow grief
You may have thought that your emotions had settled and that you had thought the decision to break up well. You were sure that this was the best solution.
You just wanted to get on with your life and put it all behind you. And suddenly the sadness, the lovesickness, but also the anger comes back.
But that's completely normal. Every breakup goes through different breakup phases. Before you get better, you may get worse.
But it's all part of the process. You must allow these feelings to overcome the breakup.
10. Keeping an Open Mind
One very important thing after a breakup is not to lose hope. Don't allow yourself to think like: All men are the same, I will never have a new partner again. It's better that I'm alone.
No, just like women, not all men are the same. Just because one man made a mistake doesn't mean you have to write all men off.
Yes, you don't need someone else, you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, but you shouldn't give up on love just because someone hurt your feelings.
You don't have to force yourself to start a new relationship right away either.
Just enjoy the single life. Use this time to try new things and meet new people.