I've always wondered why some women feel the need to send those long texts to men. It seems pointless. You will either be ignored or given a short and even more frustrating reply. I wondered before sending one myself.
I know; not what came over me. I just sat down and started typing:
“I’m not a coward, you know, I’d tell you all this personally, but you gave me no choice.
You're sans an explanation or a proper farewell. Do I really deserve to be treated like this?
I can't believe someone who has so much feeling can be so heartless at the same time. You knew that would break me. Goodbyes are always hard, but when nothing is explained, they're even harder.
I guess you never valued me enough to treat me right, not even in the end.
I know I was a fool for falling in love with you. I thought I saw something in you that no one else could. Damn, I still think there's something good deep inside you. Too bad it still hasn't come out.
I did my best to understand when you couldn't understand anymore. When you haven't called or written for days, when you couldn't find time for me, when you said something hurtful.
You had to don't even make excuses, i would make them for you. I would always think about the best possible scenarios before thinking about the worst.
I think I was even too good. That's why you took me for granted. You counted on me to be there for you no matter what you did. To listen, understand and support. Waiting.
And it seems now that I was just waiting with you for the right time, for you to be willing to treat me better about everything. And the sad truth is, if you hadn't left me, I'd still be waiting.
So I'm writing this to thank you for leaving me in this way. If you hadn't, I'd still be waiting in vain. This is how you gave me a chance to see that I can stand on my own. That I feel even better and more peaceful now that you're not in my life.
So thank you and goodbye.”
I wrote all of this in one breath and felt like passing out after hitting the send button.
Me had no idea I was going to send this text before I sent it. I've never thought about it. It was just a moment of doing something stupid and irrational.
But I felt so light after sending it.
It eased my broken soul after writing everything that weighed on it.
I felt better for saying all the things that were inside me. I felt like the weight was lifted from my heart.
When I finally realized what I had done, I panicked for a while. I wondered what he would think of me.
Would he think I was weak for sending this? Would he think I wanted him back? And then I realized: I really shouldn't care what he or anyone else thinks of me.
I didn't do it as a lame attempt to get him back.
I didn't do it out of hate or love. I didn't because I expected an answer, which by the way never came.
I did this for myself. To graduate myself. He didn’t have the courage to finally say goodbye.