What is dominance and submission in a relationship? What are the benefits, roles and rules of a BDSM relationship?
When it comes to defining and understanding BDSM, people (especially those in vanilla relationships) tend to associate it with Fifty Shades of Gray and Christian Grey's kinky accessories like handcuffs, chains, ropes – whatever.
Their fictional BDSM relationship revolves around power dynamics, power play, bondage and discipline.
Christian Gray is obviously a male dominatrix (the dominant partner) when ;while Anastasia Steele plays a submissive role.
Well, if we switch to reality, the first question that probably comes to mind is: does this type of relationship really exist? How does it work?
And those questions aren't that difficult to answer.
First of all, it exists and, just like in the movie, it's about a partner who, because of the power that he has in the relationship dominates over the other.
If you look around you can see that in every relationship there is one partner who is more submissive and the other who is more dominant is.
Although women are usually presented as being attracted to dominant, strong and powerful men who are just waiting for a fragile and gentle woman to come their way, the roles can also be reversed become.
In fact, there are many men nowadays who crave the touch of a hot dominatrix and that has become their greatest sexual fantasy.
Now that we have clarified the basic questions, we can proceed with the detailed explanation.
Also, as you read on, you will discover the different types of BDSM relationships, theirs Find out characteristics and roles of the dominant and submissive, and of course the main rules to follow (with some examples). So stay tuned!
What is a BDSM relationship?
BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) and Sadism and Masochism/Sadomasochism (SM).
Basically, a dominant-submissive relationship, also known as BDSM relationship or just a DS relationship, a relationship where one partner is dominant (a sadist) and the other is submissive to their partner (a masochist).
Both dominant and submissive Partners have their own roles.
The truth is that this type of relationship isn't just about sex, although most people probably think so.
In reality, the dominant-submissive relationship can be found in all aspects of our lives.
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The dominant partner protects, guides and directs the submissive, while the submissive is a fragile servant who is there to please his master.
It sounds bizarre to most of us, but in reality such relationships really work; maybe even better than regular ones.
In this type of relationship, there are strict rules that the submissive must follow. They aren't usually extreme, but they have to be respected in order for the relationship to work that way.
It doesn't have to be a contract like in the film we talked about earlier, but more like it an open conversation about what each partner in the relationship wants and what the submissive is willing to do for their dominant partner.
In most cases, the boundaries of the submissive side of the relationship are not crossed.
But to ensure this, the dominant needs to know exactly where those boundaries are.
Getting information in a relationship is very important, but here it is crucial.
The best way to get information about your submissive partner is honest communication, asking them questions and never disregarding their boundaries.
It is important to note that roles in a BDSM relationship are not absolute. They can be switched.
For example, if a woman is the submissive, she can give her partner a massage and pleasure him as he commands, but switch the next day she decides the roles and he has to do whatever she asks of him as long as it doesn't go beyond his limits.
You just have to know that this relationship style is actually a lifestyle that people take very seriously.
These couples live a very normal life where only two people live for their mutual pleasure. Which means their relationships aren't really all that different from the rest of us.
In case you were wondering, yes, these relationships really work!
< p>Not every BDSM relationship is the same, but in the end they are all very dynamic and open-minded.
These people can get along very well if they want the same things and if they have the same interest in BDSM have.
The Benefits of BDSM Relationships
Believe it or not, practicing kinky sex and generally being in a BDSM relationship, has many benefits when it comes to overall health and well-being.
dr Sandra LaMorgese (sexpert; professional dominatrix; fetishist; and holistic practitioner of mind, body and spiritual holism) claims that BDSM can help couples build stronger relationships and feel comfortable.
She explains why: “During BDSM sessions, clients often experience a release of dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters.
These two chemicals are associated with feelings of happiness, calm, joy, confidence, emotional well-being, and motivation.
Additionally, the release of the chemical vasopressin makes people feel attached to one another.”
So if you're still skeptical about trying the magic of BDSM relationships, here are a few of the benefits that can help you decide:< /p>
-; Improves communication
– Increases intimacy
– Promotes fidelity
– Improves mental health
– Reduces psychological stress
– Reduces Anxiety
Physical contact between BDSM couples helps them express their sexuality and be present in the interaction rather than just following the same pattern (like it's the case with vanilla relationships).
And that's exactly what helps them improve their mental health.
People who practice BDSM are generally more open and secure in relationships because this type of relationship requires trust and a willingness to conform.
Apart from the mental ones, there are also physical healing opportunities, associated with the power of touch.
Dr. Sandra LaMorgese explains physical healing: “The skin is the body’s largest organ, with millions of receptors just beneath the surface; Receptors that when stimulated by human touch can lower our cortisol levels.
When someone touches our skin, through massage, play, hugging, holding hands or sex, our physiological and physical healing begins.”
Besides the pleasure, BDSM can also benefit our mental and physical health, which is amazing.
Now that we know the definition of a dominant-submissive relationship and its types and benefits, it is finally time to start with the characteristics and roles of the dominant and submissive and of course the rules of such a relationship with some examples to continue.
Characteristics and roles of the dominant
So that you can better understand how this all works, I would like to introduce you to a few characteristics and roles of the dominant person in this type of relationship.
They are not easy to spot, because like I said before , many men love to be adored and adored in this way, but some love it a little more.
- Takes control of everything
- Wants to be satisfied
- Is responsible
- Prioritizes his needs
- Demands obedience
Traits and roles of the submissive
While the dominant wants to be in control, the submissive loves to be controlled in every aspect of life where they can fulfill a need of their dominant.
He loves to spoil his partner in any way he can. This doesn't just apply to the bedroom.
The most important thing is that the submissive is not forced to do anything he doesn't want to do.
He is not a slave, his desire is simply to please his partner. The characteristics and roles of the submissive include:
1. Willingness to meet the partner's wants and needs
2. Acceptance of Control
3. Putting your partner's needs ahead of everything else
4. The strong desire to please the dominant
10 rules in a BDSM relationship
As mentioned earlier, this is a specific type of relationship where rules need to be set in order for everything to work properly and for each side of the relationship to get what it needs to be happy.
Just to be clear, there are no hard rules as these rules are created by the principles of both sides of the relationship so both know what to follow, what to avoid and how to enforce the rules.
If you want to enter this type of relationship without any prior experience, be cautious and open-minded to all the rules that are about to come to make the most of it.
1. Open-mindedness
As mentioned earlier, open-mindedness is really key in this type of relationship.
In any relationship, you have to be open to the need Be open to your partner's needs and perspectives, but especially in this one. Why?
Well, because, in a BDSM relationship, even though the dominant is the one giving the orders, that doesn't mean he can't learn something from the submissive.
It all depends the experience you both have and a willingness to learn from each other and work together.
This is a shared affair and you must work together to make it enjoyable.
Also, you have to be open-minded and try new things that you might not have liked before.
Maybe he will do it differently this time? Who knows?
Try it and see what happens as long as it doesn't hurt you too much (unless you want to).
2. Empathy
I know it sounds strange, but even though your submissive partner loves to be dominated, it doesn't mean he doesn't see your human side.
Your partner also wants to fall in love with your human side, the side that knows how to show mercy and is willing to break the rules and give lighter punishments.
3. Trust
The only way to gain someone's trust is to show trust yourself first.
You have to show your partner that you can trust you to follow the rules and not cross borders.
Although the submissive is expected to act as a servant, the dominant is also expected to act as a worthy leader.
No woman in today's world will who doesn't deserve to get on their knees! That's why it's very important to build trust between the two of you.
You have to trust your partner that if he punishes you, he won't hit you too hard and if he does, he won't give it his all is about hitting you.
Imagine a grown man hitting you as hard as he can just because you trusted him and let him?
Well, it wouldn't be a BDSM relationship anymore, it would be one abusive.
4. Lower Expectations
You can't expect your partner to fulfill all of your crazy fantasies.
You need to lower your expectations in order for them to match your partner's willingness. Otherwise the relationship just won't work.
For example, if you're the dominant, don't expect your partner to undress every time you get home from work, or to always call you master.
Introduce yourself, you come home from work with a friend and your wife is sitting completely naked on the floor in front of the door.
It's not about embarrassing your partner! And besides, if at a certain moment she doesn't want to call you master, then you probably don't deserve it at all.
When you're the submissive, don't expect your partner to call you praises you every time you do a good job; you have to know that he can do everything on his own, which means he doesn’t always need you to do something for him.
I know that you are there to help him fallen, but remember that you are not there to do everything for him. You are his partner, not a slave.
5. Honest Communication
Communication is key in this type of relationship as in any other.
You need to gather information about each other to really see if you are compatible for a dominant-submissive relationship are.
You need to talk about health, boundaries, sexual needs, and your past experiences in these types of relationships.
Women, in particular, want their thoughts be read, but it's not that easy.
If you don't verbalise what you want and don't want, it stays in your head.
For example, if you're the dominant and you want to push the boundaries a bit, then you need to sit down with your partner and discuss everything in detail so you know whether it's appropriate or not.
If you refuse to talk about your wants and needs, then there is no doubt that the relationship is for Doomed to fail.
You want this relationship experience to be positive, don't you?
If so, then invest in communication and show your partner that they can always be listened to because you will put in the time and energy necessary to meet his needs.
6. Use a safe word
Once you've decided to start this type of relationship, it's imperative that you choose a safe word.
Due to the fact that this type of relationship can get a little dangerous in bed, you need to make sure you have a safe word that the submissive can say when you want the dominant to stop.
Don't use a word that you would normally use in a sexual scenario. Uses a word that is unusual and signals to the dominant that something is wrong.
You can also include words that show either you're okay, or he needs to stop right now, or you're going to get seriously hurt.
Many people use the green/yellow/here red system. Green is "proceed", yellow is "proceed but with caution" and red is a simple and clear “STOP”.
The dominant partner must obey the safe word for the relationship to be healthy.
7. Health
The dominant-submissive relationship requires both partners to be mentally and physically healthy.
This includes good sleep habits, minimal alcohol consumption, a balanced diet, and a stress-free lifestyle.
If your submissive is unable to meet your needs due to health issues, do not force him and rather invest in his well-being and allow him as much time as necessary to regain his strength. win back and then you can continue your relationship as before.
You need to respect each other’s comfort zones and if you experiment, don’t do it without the other’s consent.
There are more important things in life than sex, so when you see your partner just love you can no longer satisfy you, then stop. It's not worth it.
8. Enjoy
Why are you doing all this? To amuse you, right? You both do it to have some fun. and take your relationship to a whole new level.
Therefore, you must respect each other, otherwise you will not get what you are looking for.
Remember that it's not about punishing someone or doing whatever it takes to please someone just because it's easier.
Pay attention to the enjoyable part and don't forget why you are it all started in the first place: to make the most of your relationship.
Don't push the other person's boundaries just so you can punish them for something you didn't like. Look at his face and see if he likes it. If not, stop.
9. Patience
You don't have to boss your partner around every step. Start it like any other normal relationship.
Understand each other, communicate and be considerate. Don't rush anything. Be patient and your partner will be grateful.
In order to create a comfortable atmosphere for the submissive to relax in, you have to be gentle and caring.
I know it's not in your nature lies when you are the dominant, but the relationship will last longer if you put that extra effort in and are really patient with your partner.
All your fantasies cannot come true at the same time. Be patient as both the dominant and the submissive.
Don't push your partner to do everything right away, believe that they will loosen up over time.
< p>It is very important to remember that you are both people who need to take your time to make the most of your position.
10. Follow the Rules
If you set rules at the beginning of the relationship, make sure you follow them.
Don't just go at your dominant out of the blue and tell them you didn't want to do something.
Once you've set certain rules, you should stick to them.
This is how you build trust in your relationship and how you knowß you both benefit from it.
You will not be taken advantage of and your partner respects all the rules. So you should too.
Follow any rules you've agreed on, and if you really want to change something you've already talked about, tell your partner beforehand instead of telling them right before or during sex.
Examples of rules for the submissive to follow
Since you may be a beginner in the field If you are into BDSM relationships I will give you some examples and ideas on what rules the submissive has to follow.
It's nothing over the top, just some inspiration and insight into this type of relationship .
1. Spanking
Spanking doesn't always have to be a punishment. Sometimes it's used to show the submissive that their accomplishments are being recognized.
But the spanking should only be as intense as you both agree on. This is where it's really important to use the security word when needed.
2. You will not wear panties in the house
A simple and effective rule. The dominant knows they are in charge while the submissive is not harmed by it.
3. You will grant sex on command
In order for the dominant to really feel his power, such rules are needed.
The submissive partner must be available to its dominant at all times of the day.
4. Ask permission before you come
No explanation needed.
5. Don't forget who owns you
The submissive is not allowed to have another sex partner while in this type of relationship.
By being monogamous, it gives the dominant the assurance that they are in full control and that it is nothing what he must fight for.
The submissive needs to know who he belongs to so that the dominant never questions his loyalty.
6. Make the master proud
Again, the submissive need not call the dominant a master unless he deserves it.
But making your master proud actually has a deeper meaning.
It's not just about satisfying her physical needs, but also about making him proud of you in every aspect of his life.
7. I command you obey
Whatever the dominant wants, he gets. But one shouldn't really be strict on this point.
It's okay to disagree with something you really don't feel comfortable with.
And that's why it's good to let your partner know about certain things that you don't agree with agree, so that he doesn’t insist during the campaign.
It is about your consent and the corresponding performance.
Conclusion< /b>
I know most of these things might sound confusing and scary but believe me they can be very romantic and enjoyable for both sides in the relationship.
Don't have any Fear of BDSM porn because it's too violent and unrealistic.
A true dominant-submissive relationship is respect and caring, and every woman wants that in a relationship.
The only difference here is that there are strict rules you have to follow to make each other happy.
If you try it, you might like it too. Perhaps you are the dominant and you will find your submissive whom you will make happy and who will do whatever it takes to meet your needs.
These relationships can do better than most relationships that people consider normal and workable.
So don't worry! Even if you only want to experiment for a while, once you set the rules of the relationship, all you have to do is let your partner know.
