Dear ”Love of my life”,
First of all I would like ;I want to thank you for showing me what I didn't deserve.
I did I didn't deserve those bad words you yelled in my face and I didn't deserve to be spat on like that either. It made you feel more manly. But you completely destroyed me.
I didn't deserve to be humiliated and insulted.
You made me feel worthless just to make you feel powerful – so you can experience the power you felt when you made me so helpless that I couldn't save myself.
I didn't deserve it,< /strong> waking up in the middle of the night in a sweat because I had nightmares in which you played the leading role. You were not by my side to see my torment.
You didn't care what happened to me. You only cared about your needs and your selfishness.
I have all these anxiety attacks not deserved which I got every time I thought of you or heard from you.
I didn't deserve the lack of love I got from you and at the very least I deserve to be betrayed by you. All I have to say to you now is Thank you.
Thank you for making me realize that YOU don't deserve ME!
Thank you for the horror night in which you almost destroyed me emotionally. Only that night could I be reborn.
That night was the night you gave me the courage to finally leave you.
I know you thought everything you did to me was right, but you were so wrong.
Instead, you treat them like the most valuable thing in your life. Because deep down you know that she is a woman to love and that you are a damn lucky guy that you were able to win her over.
You don't play with a woman like that games and you don't do all those bad things to her. You admire her and thank God every day that you have a woman like that in your life. But you didn't do that, did you?
You took advantage of her and you ruined her life forever because even when she managed to leave you, she wasn't the same person as before.
You destroyed the woman she used to be and you transformed her into a new woman who is perfect for you, just the way you like it.
You swore to her that you love her. Whenever you did something terrible and she wanted to leave, you begged her to stay.
You swore on your life that you loved her and that you wanted to help her. What a lie!
But I still can't understand it. How dare a person like you say ”I love you” to say?
These three words stand for something you cannot understand. I know don't even remember why you said you love me if you didn't feel that way. Maybe you wanted to disappoint me and take advantage of me.
Maybe deep down you were a broken man who didn't know how to love a woman and that's why you did all these horrible things to me.< /p>
Maybe you really thought you were right and that you were doing the right thing. Maybe you're such a psychopath.
I always wonder where your conscience is. I always wonder if you can sleep peacefully at night? Is your mind and soul at peace?
But I never got an answer to these questions. I'm not even sure if you ever thought about it because everything you did to me seemed so natural to you.
You got me NOT loved. You can't love anyone You might have liked the idea of love, so you gave it a try and I was your “guinea pig”.
But let me tell you something. You failed all along the line.
I was so stupid. I really loved you, but I shouldn't have loved you at all.
I was willing to move mountains for you and in the end I got a shard, a splinter, the broke from your heart and hit me. I gave everything and I fought for what you call ”eternal love” referred to.
And what did I get in the end? Emotional scars that will never heal. I got memories that will never go away.
I still hear the echoes of your harsh words. They follow me and make me shiver.
I get cold for no reason and then I realize I've been thinking of you. Every time you called me names I became more callous.
I thought it was because I got used to it. It's only now, as those words from the past haunt me, that I realize I've kept those feelings under wraps in order to survive.
I've got the rest of that is left to me, locked up deep inside, hoping to one day find it again.
That was my defense mechanism and now white&rsz; I what a horror I survived because of you.
I finally realize how lucky I am to have been given a second chance – not just for love but for life.
Now I realize how strong I am and this time I promise myself that I will never let anyone hurt me like that again like you did.
My behavior, everything I did or was, was never good enough for you. To you I was a piece of clay to knead.
Today I realized that I was already a masterpiece before you ruined me by trying to ”improve”.
In the past, when I loved you, I thought that you were the light at the end of my dark tunnel. But you were the darkness that held me back.
You were the shadow that pulled me in deeper whenever I made it to the light myself. All this time you were the man holding me back from reaching my goals and from making my dreams come true.
And the saddest part was that you made me wanted to make believe that you would help me with this. All this time you were instead pulling me deeper into a great void.
Even when I thought you were the love of my life, you were actually my worst enemy.
< p>And the truth is, I still don't understand how you could do that to the woman you were living with.
How could you tell me that you love me if you didn't mean it have?
I think you were a man who didn't give a damn what other people think of him.
And in this case you didn't care what I think of you, because if you didn't care, then you would have thought about it first.
But when we were together, you always acted before you thought. But at some point the time for forgiveness ran out.
A person can endure a lot. If you think you've reached your limit, you're not quite right.
If you think you can't take it anymore, then you haven't quite reached your limit yet. But if you don't care, if you don't care if you live or die, if days and nights look completely the same, then you've reached your limit.
You made me think of things to believe that are not real. You bullied me into trusting you.
You told me it was impossible to live with me. You told me I was crazy, that I needed help.
You told me I couldn't be loved, but you were the one who couldn't handle me. You said that because you saw me achieve things you could never do.
Just because I was stronger than you you wanted to control me and drive me insane. You wanted to take control of me.
You wanted to control me and sadly you did for a moment.
You were my necessary evil: the narcissist in disguise and the man who could make me feel like shit with words alone.
You knew exactly where my sore spots were. You knew exactly how to destroy me. After all these years, I have one more thing to tell you.
The woman you have become a pathetic, meaningless ”NOTHING” has become a powerful and unbreakable SOMETHING.
Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for making me realize I was the only one who could save myself.
