Imagine you are observing an image. In this picture there are two people, a man and a woman, sitting at the table and looking into each other's eyes.
A romantic will say that this is a picture of true love. A cynic will claim that it is two lovers cheating on their partners.
What is your answer? Do you believe in true love or do you see lies and deceit everywhere?
Unfortunately I have to say that the chances are very high that the cynic was right. cheating, cheating, having an affair … Whatever you call it, it happens very often.
But why does an infidelity happen at all, whether that automatically means the end of the relationship, how one can forgive an infidelity and more Today we answer questions about infidelity.
Why does infidelity happen?
Of course, every relationship is unique, as are the two people in the relationship. But some things can be found in almost every relationship.
These include the most common reasons for an infidelity. Here I have some of them.
Table of ContentsShow 1 1. The relationship isn't like it used to be 2 2. Something is wrong in bed 3 3. A fling for equality 4 Does a fling mean the end of the relationship? 5 Who is more likely to have an affair? 6 How to move on with the relationship after an infidelity? 7 1. Being open 8 2. Rebuilding trust 9 3. Working on the relationship 10 4. Seeking help 11 5. Not turning around 12 I can't forgive an infidelity
1. The relationship is not like before
When you're newly in love, everything seems wonderful. Not only in our relationship but also in our life.
Just a little thing is enough and we are happy and in a good mood. Yes, infatuation has such power.
Over time, however, this initial infatuation wears off. But we don't want to lose this feeling, we long for this feeling and sometimes we look for it outside of the relationship.
When the relationship isn't that new and fresh anymore, when everything has already become familiar and routine, when we know how the other person behaves and how he reacts to everything we do, sometimes we just look for something new.
And that's exactly how an infidelity happens.
You're not ready to give up the relationship yet, but you want to feel as in love and desired again as you did on Beginning. Unfortunately, every beginning has an end and even a new love is no longer so new and exciting over time.
2. Something is wrong in bed
A very common relationship crisis is sexual dissatisfaction. Of course, this shouldn't immediately be a reason to end the relationship or even an excuse for infidelity.
It's quite interesting to see that many people find it easier to finding someone new and hiding the fling than talking to her partner.
But an open conversation with your partner should be something very natural in a relationship.
It is possible that these people are simply too shy to express their needs to verbalize. Or they are afraid of being abandoned if they admit that they are unhappy at all.
They believe that it is better to find a new partner and just hope that it will be with him works better. As if the other might be the one who can read their minds right now.
3. A fling for equal rights
We all know this situation. After one partner has cheated, the other does the same.
You try to take revenge by cheating on someone. You think you'll feel better.
Somehow you get the idea that if we hurt the other person too, our pain will lessen. He might even disappear.
Namely, if you cheat yourself, you are no longer just the dupe. Then we'll be equals again.
One really believes that revenge brings balance back into the relationship. But whether it really brings the balance back or just leads to the end of the relationship, you should think twice before it's too late.
An infidelity Erschü ;did your relationship? What now?!
Does a fling mean the end of the relationship?
However, as we often see in practice, this is not always the case. Many couples decide to stay together despite an affair.
It is human to make mistakes and to forgive is also human. The question Ccan one forgive a fling at all? everyone has to answer for themselves.
For some it is possible, for others Not. In any case, it's quite a betrayal of trust and whatever one decides, it won't be easy.
Hardly anyone wants to go through a breakup, but staying in a relationship after an infidelity is not an easy task.
In both cases, you should also find out the deeper reasons why it happened at all.
Who is more likely to have an affair?
Men don't like to break up. They stay in a relationship even though they are unhappy and as a result they end up having affairs more often than women.
Is that really true? Do men cheat more often than women?
Of course not! Why men or women cheat and how often they do so has nothing to do with their gender.
Being faithful or unfaithful is a personal choice. The one thing that can be said for sure is that someone who has been unfaithful before has a higher chance of doing it again than someone who has always been faithful.
Once you recognize the signs of cheating, it's not easy to move on with the relationship. Is there any chance at all?
How to move on after an infidelity?
If you decide to forgive your partner’s affair, there is a long road ahead of you. It is indeed possible to regain a healthy relationship, but it doesn't happen overnight.
Here are some tips that will help you get your relationship back on track.
1. Be open
I will not admit that an infidelity happened. I won't do it again anyway.
I don't want to hurt my partner. What he/she doesn't know can't hurt him/her.
Such and similar sentences can often be heard from unfaithful partners. They say they would rather live with a guilty conscience than having hurt their partner.
On the one hand, it sounds logical if the partner does not know that they have been cheated on then he can't get hurt. But do you really want to be in a relationship without honesty?
What if in the future your partner finds out that cheating has happened? Then it's not just a fling, it's also a lie.
And yes, hiding is a lie too, and lies and relationships don't go together. Openness and honesty should be the basis of a relationship.
Even if it is difficult, even if you know that you can hurt your partner, you should talk to each other. Only a relationship based on good communication has a future.
2. Rebuild trust
It's not easy to regain trust in someone after an affair. It will not be easy for the person who has been unfaithful, but it will be even harder for the betrayed.
Now comes the time to remember that actions speak louder speak as words. You don't just have to say and promise that you'll change, that you won't repeat what happened, you also have to show and prove it.
Even if that means giving the recipient's email address ;ngers to show your partner every time you write an email.
Even if he doesn't ask, you should always tell your partner where you're going, who you're with, what you're doing, to show him that you're not hiding anything.
3. Working on the relationship
One very important thing to watch out for and remember is that more often than not, infidelity is the result of dissatisfaction the cause of dissatisfaction.
Most of the time it means that there were some relationship issues that needed to be resolved beforehand.
It is very important to work on a relationship in order for it to work. Unfortunately, love alone is not enough, you also have to put in a little effort.
One should think carefully about what is important for a relationship and how to get there. But the most important word here is – together!
One person alone cannot work on the relationship and no matter how much a partner puts into the relationship, they cannot do it alone. The key to the success of a relationship is togetherness.
4. Seeking help
If we want to change our clothes, we go to a tailor. If we want to change our haircut, we visit a hairdresser.
We leave our appearance to an expert. Okay, I admit, sometimes we try to cut our own hair.
But why is it okay to seek professional help in these cases, but many still avoid seeking professional help when it comes to their relationship?
A couples therapist can be just what we need at this moment.
Someone who has much more experience, someone who knows how to save a relationship.
Couples therapy or marriage counseling can help us to find out the reasons for our original dissatisfaction and also to learn how to communicate better and more successfully with each other.
It can also help us set goals for our relationship and to decide how to achieve those goals. An outside view can be very helpful.
5. Don't turn around
If you decide to forgive an infidelity and move on with the relationship, it is very important to focus on the future.
Looking back, living in the past and mentioning your partner's mistakes doesn't do you any good.
Especially when your partner is making a real effort not to repeat their mistake and is willing to work on the relationship.
Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean forgetting, but you don't have to use it as an argument again in every future problem.
Together you have to focus on what you want for the future of the relationship. That's the only way to have a happy relationship.
I can't forgive an infidelity
Yes, for some people an infidelity means one to great breach of trust that cannot be forgiven. If you're one of them, that's okay, you're not the only one.
Now you have a difficult task ahead of you. You must break up with your partner now.
It won't be easy, but it's better than waiting for him to do it when you're already certain that your relationship is beyond repair. Take a little time, think about everything.
What are your reasons for the breakup and why don't you think that the relationship can still be saved? When you are sure of your motivations, it will also be easier to explain it to your partner.
Think about when and where you can do it too.
If the two of you live together, it's also a good idea to arrange someone beforehand where you can spend a few nights until you two decide what to do with the apartment, who moves out and who doesn't.
If you have already decided that there will be a breakup, it will be easier for you to find a place for a few days. This allows your partner to deal with the breakup in peace.
It can be particularly difficult to let go of your partner if you still love them. Love alone is not enough when you know that the trust between you is broken forever.
Allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to show your feelings. You have a tough time ahead of you, but I promise it will get better.
Sofia Müller
Relationship counselor Sofia Müller concluded that through her articles and books to reach and help more people, so she started her blog Your Way.
