At the beginning of a marriage you often think that you are at the end of the fairy tale and now comes eternal joy.
How could it be otherwise? You have your loved one with you and the honeymoon can begin.
You quickly realize that not everything is always pure bliss.
Small arguments get bigger, the words get louder and the silences lengthen.
The question arises, “Is my marriage in trouble? Should I go or stay? How can I save the marriage?”
Of course every marriage has its problems, not all problems are big; and you don’t have to deal with all of them, but there are four things you can do to tell if it really is a marital crisis.
• Have your feelings changed in this marriage?
? Do you fight more often?
• Are you spending less time together?
• Is your love life suffering?
If the answer to all four questions is yes, then one speaks of a marriage crisis.
But what can be done to save the marriage?
< p>It is possible to save the marriage, but first you have to find the reason why it actually happened.
While every relationship and marriage is unique, most marital problems stem from one of three reasons: cheating, alienation, and lack of time.
We'll talk about cheating a little later, here it's a very complex question.
But not spending time together and feeling estranged are things that tend to go hand in hand and can be found in many relationships and marriages.< /p>
The stressful everyday life, children and career don't leave us much time and since we often take our partner for granted, our marriage suffers.
But the question now is whether you can Marriage can be saved and how.
The first answer is easy. If the partners still love each other and want to work on the marriage, it is also possible to save the marriage.
But I need a little more time for the second answer. I'll give you this answer:
• 5 Reasons Why You Should Save Your Marriage
• 3 steps to save marriage
5 reasons why you should save your marriage:
1. Love for a partner
The first and most important reason to save a marriage is love. In fact, it's better to say that mutual love is the most important reason to save a marriage. After all, a marriage consists of two people.
If only one person loves, no matter how big; this love is, it's hard to go on. Likewise, if only one person wants to save the marriage, it's hard too.
2. Trust
Hand in hand with love comes trust. One without the other is possible, but together they make a very strong bond.
Trust, after love, is a fundamental part of relationship. It is not for nothing that they say partner, for people who are a couple.
Partnership means working together, believing one another, being able to rely on one another, i.e. trusting one another.
If there is still trust between the partners, then it is also worth saving the marriage.
3. Nobody is perfect
One often hears that love is blind. That's how it is, at least in the beginning.
During the first infatuation, we usually wear rose-colored glasses and tend to idealize. We believe we have the perfect person on our side.
But the first infatuation wears off, and slowly we see that our great love is just a normal person, with blemishes and flaws that we all have.
Some of them are only revealed when we live together . The transition from infatuation to love usually means accepting the person with all rough edges.
4. Common past
In a long relationship and marriage, you go through many things together. good and bad. Shared memories, travel, mutual friends – all these similarities are an important part of life.
But in a long-term relationship you often go through unemployment, loss of family members or friends, arguments with family members or friends… You also go through your own arguments.
If you have already survived some of the unpleasant sides of life together, it welds you together and you also believe in a future together much more easily.
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5. Common children
When children are involved, marriage should not be abandoned. However, there must still be positive feelings between the parents.
Parents who stay together without love and respect are not a good role model for the children. Such children then have a misconception of what love and marriage means.
But if the couple still have feelings for each other, it's worth trying again. The best thing would be to take some time to yourself without children, for example a weekend.
Now that we have covered the reasons why you should save a marriage, I'll show you now how you can do it.
I would like to mention once again that mutual love, trust, togetherness and a lot of work are the most important things to save a marriage.
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3 steps to save marriage
1. Communication and willingness to compromise
Talk, talk, talk and talk again. Communication is the key to any happy relationship.
It would be wonderful if our partner could read our minds. Only if we want it, of course. Then he could do exactly that and react as we would like without having to tell him.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
If we don't tell our partner what we want and need from him, we can't expect much either. And then we are disappointed.
Most of the time we take another step in the wrong direction and start with silence. We think our partner will understand that they made a mistake and will make it up to them. Honestly, that rarely happens.
Silence means we have nothing to say. If we don't have anything to say, then we're probably happy and we're going in circles.
To get out of this vicious circle, we have to do something about it. And a conversation is a good start.
We can prepare for this conversation in advance.
I have a list here of relationship questions that each partner should answer for themselves. You can only think about it, but it would be much better to write it down on a piece of paper and answer it.
Writing it down gives you more control over what you want to say. You also have time to find the right words.
So the chance of a misunderstanding is very small.
So the questions are:
• How do I feel about this marriage?
• How does my partner feel about this marriage?
• What is most important to me in this marriage?
• What is most important to my partner in this marriage?
• What is good and what is bad in our marriage?
• What advantages and what quirks do I have?
• What advantages and what quirks does my partner have?
If both have now answered the questions, you can start the conversation. You should choose a time when there is no rush.
Just allow as much time as possible for the conversation.
The conversation should be calm and open, everyone gets their time to explain their side. The other person should listen and not interrupt, they also get their chance.
Before you start with these questions, there is one more question that you should answer together : When was the last time we were happy together?
Shared nice memories can help to start the conversation in a loving and pleasant atmosphere.
If you find out from the first two answers that you have recognized your partner's feelings well, you are on the right track.
The next three questions will lead you to find common goals and values of marriage.
And finally, we come back to where it all started, with two imperfect people, with their advantages and Quirks that love each other.
At the end of the conversation white&rszlig; you then: how does my partner feel, what do we expect from this marriage and what bothers my partner about me.
Then you can move on, you can find compromises that lead to the common goal.
Here it is also good to make a list, just your priorities in order. Of course, it's difficult for our partner to meet all our expectations.
That's why we have to choose together which ones are the most important and which ones we can work on.
2. Small rituals that can save the marriage
Big gestures can help to win someone over, but everyday little things keep a couple together.
Here are some examples of what you can do every day to celebrate love to keep alive. It's never too late to start these rituals.
„I love you”
When was the last time you saw your partner said “I love you”? How often do you say that?
For some couples, the “I love you” of course. They will seek a conversation if something changes in their feelings. You don't have to constantly express your feelings to your partner.
But in a good relationship and also in a good marriage, nothing should be taken for granted. Remind your partner that you love them.
You can even go as far as doing it at the same time every day. That way you don't forget.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to say “I love you” to start?
Those who love and are loved have a good chance of having a happy relationship and marriage.
„Thank you”
That is similar to “I love you”. How often do we thank our partner? Thank you for the hard work you do for family.
Thank you for making our house a home. Thanks for spending time with the kids so I could rest…
That little word can make a very big difference. Problems often arise between the partners because one believes that the other does not see everything that he is doing.
Again this self-evident fact that cannot bring anything good in a relationship.
If the partner knows how grateful we are to them, the relationship and marriage will also improve.
„What can I do for you today”
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Most of the time we expect a lot from our partners and at the same time we don't think about what we offer them.
This question can change the focus. You can adapt your own actions to the needs of your partner.
If we put our partner first, it will be easier to fight for a future together.
Compliments
At the beginning of a relationship it is quite normal and natural to give and receive compliments. As time goes by, the compliments become less frequent and, what is worse, they are replaced by reproaches.
If partners keep reminding each other of their bad points, quirks and flaws, they can feel uncomfortable.
They feel that nothing they do is good enough and after a while they may stop trying to make their partner happy at all to make happy.
Compliments can boost your partner's self-confidence. If the partners are happy with themselves, they have a better chance of saving the marriage.
Compliments for him and her can be found here.
Date Night
Time together, away from all the worries of everyday life, is what every married life needs. This is particularly important in a marriage where children are also involved.
A situation that often arises is that when a couple takes on the role of parents, they forget that they are also a couple. Mom and dad become more important than wife and husband.
Especially when the children are small, it is a big challenge to find a balance between these roles.
But this one in particular time together without children, togetherness, can help to remember the beginning of your relationship and to rekindle love.
Even if you don't have children, everyday life, long hours at work, hobbies, etc. can make it difficult to find time for your partner.
Affections
Another part of the relationship that you push aside over time.
Of course, in a long-term marriage, nobody expects you to spend hours together kisses. But a daily “good morning” or “Good night” Kissing can also help them feel closer to each other.
Wouldn't it be better to make out together on the couch in the evening instead of everyone just engrossed in their smartphones?
Love life can also be counted among tenderness. One of the most common marital problems is when the partners have an unequal desire for love and the desire for intimacy.
Sometimes the problem is not the desire or the desire, but the fact that the partners want it at different times.
Planning lovemaking isn't all that romantic, but you have to start somewhere. After a while it happens more spontaneously and you don't have to plan anymore.
3. Saving a marriage through couples therapy
Sometimes it happens that as a couple you have the will to overcome the relationship problems, take your time, try everything, but not the right ones brings success.
But that doesn't necessarily have to mean the end of the marriage. It can simply mean it's time for an expert.
You can try this with family members or friends, but it can also be difficult for them to participate in a callous manner.
It can be difficult to talk about your marital problems with someone you don't know, but a couples counselor is trained to be unaffected and tolerant of a relationship crisis.
The most important thing at the beginning of couples therapy is to choose the couples therapist together. One that both partners feel comfortable with and trust.
How to save a marriage after cheating?
Cheating is one of the most common reasons why a marriage ends. It is complicated and difficult to maintain a marriage after such a breach of trust.
For this very reason, it is very thankless to give an answer here as to whether it is possible and whether it is worth saving the marriage .
First, you should find out the reason why the infidelity happened.
Was it looking for something new, did the partner feel neglected in the marriage, or was it to feed his ego?
Secondly, the question arises as to whether this was something unique or the partner just can't be faithful in a monogamous relationship?
The best thing would be to take some time off and observe the marriage from a distance. Then you can decide more easily whether you can forgive something like that and trust your partner again.
My advice would be to seek professional help in this situation.
Even if you don’t want to work on reconciliation as a couple, it’s a good idea for the injured party to talk to a therapist.
That way, you can be sure the breakup will be easier process and possibly be ready for a new love and a new partner.
Conclusion
Hardly any relationship or marriage is without problems.
The most important thing is to recognize the difference between everyday problems, which usually solve themselves, and a real marital crisis.
If then both partners still have feelings for each other and are ready to fighting for their marriage, there are several ways to save the marriage.
Some a couple can attempt alone, others require an expert. But with love, trust and togetherness nothing is impossible.
Couples therapy can shed new light on the known situation and lead to the solution of the problems.
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