After a breakup, you look for different ways to take your mind off it.
One starts to play sports intensively, the other finds a new hobby and discovers talents he didn't even know he had …
One withdraws into himselfü ck and the other immediately jumps into a new relationship.
Such relationships are most commonly seen as a consolation, transition – or interim relationship and are short-lived precisely because of the haste with which they were entered into.
And it is not uncommon for a person who is a stopgap or, in other words, a last resort, comes out of the relationship very hurt.
But who is the stopgap and what is his/her role?
The basic definition of a lü ;ckenbüßer is: Someone who stood in for someone you preferred.
In other words, a gap-breaker is a substitute for something that you can't have at the moment.
Waybacks, simply put, are people who fill the feeling of emptiness between two relationships.
Whether it's a one night stand or someone to commit to something more lasting, the fact is they are being taken advantage of for selfish reasons.
The Realizing that we are someone's second choice hurts like someone had our heart torn apart, especially when we've developed feelings for that person and are willing to give them our hearts while we only have one Temporary solution for those who are.
This realization can significantly affect our self-esteem and destroy it to the core. To protect yourself from this pain, it would be good to recognize in time that you are in a gap bridge relationship.
If you have the feeling that your partner treats you as a stopgap and if your relationship isn't looking forward to a happy future together, then read on!
In the following you will learn why people enter into comfort relationships and signs that your relationship is unfortunately just a stopgap.
Why do people enter into gap-bridging relationships?
1. They want to get over a breakup
If there is one thing that will help you get over the breakup, this is what you will do. A new partner seems to be the best solution right now, regardless of the possibility of hurting someone.
After a breakup, one feels chaotic and unable to think rationally or make wise decisions.
It's only after a while that you realize it wasn't the best idea to start a relationship so quickly, and then you're at a crossroads: break up or stay in the relationship?
In most cases; However, you stay in such a relationship for at least a while and think that over time you will fall in love with your new partner, when in fact you sink more and more into grief and only hurt yourself as well as your partner.< /p>
2. They want to make the ex jealous
One of the reasons people rush into such relationships is to make their ex jealous want. Especially if they are the ones left.
Being abandoned is a big hit to our ego and something inside us tells us that we need to prove to our ex that we are someone find something better or that we can do without him.
Then we do our best to show that it is only now that we are finally happy and fulfilled, while secretly suffering and hoping that our ex-spouse will get jealous and try to win us back .
3. Someone they are in love with is not available to them
It's not uncommon for people to enter into short-term relationships and find a partner who is just a makeshift or workaround until someone they like or are in love with is available.
This can be the case when someone you are in love with has a girlfriend or even a wife or just shows no interest in you.
The gapman serves you thus as a substitute whose company one enjoys until the opportunity for something better arises and takes the place of the stopgap.
4. Fear of loneliness
And finally, the fear of loneliness is greater than the desire for true love. People enter into relationships, changing partners only because they are afraid of being left alone.
They therefore enter into short-term relationships, change partners frequently and often settle for less , because anything is better for them than waking up in the morning and realizing they are still single.
A relationship as such gives them a false sense of security and sanctuary where they can hide from loneliness, at least for a short time, no matter how unhappy they may be in the relationship.
7 Signs you're just a stopgap
The first and most basic sign that the relationship isn't what it's supposed to be is when let your intuition and gut feeling tell you.
Such things are easy to sense and despite the best efforts to keep the relationship stable and happy, there is still a certain uneasy feeling in the air.
If you feel like your relationship is temporary and you're just playing a spare role in your partner's love story, here are some signs that will tell you that:
1. You are not his priority
If he has to choose between a romantic evening with you and a drink with the buddies he hung out with that day, he will most often choose the latter.
Of course he should in a relationship there should be a balance between social life and partnership life, but when it comes to love, the partner still has priority.
If you feel that he is neglecting you and that he cares about everything other than spending time with you, if he doesn't reply to messages for a few hours etc. you know that this is at all is not a good sign.
2. Lack of attention
You tell him about your day and his eyes wander somewhere or he prefers to stare at his phone and not listen to you.
< p>You show him your new stunning dress that you bought for your romantic dinner, which he doesn't even compliment you on.
You feel like a figurant in your relationship and it's missing you feel like someone values and respects you.
The lack of attention is a sign that he doesn’t care about your feelings and therefore it shouldn’t matter is about the great love, as it seemed at first.
3. He keeps mentioning his ex-girlfriend
A sure sign that you are in the place of the stopgap is if he mentions his ex-girlfriend a lot.
When he sees something that makes him remembers her, he always mentions it, whether you're watching TV, traveling or doing something else together – his ex is always present in his thoughts and words.
Of course we all have exes and there is nothing wrong with mentioning them sometimes.
But if it happens more often, I'm sorry to disappoint you: he probably hasn't gotten over her, so you serve him as a last resort until he forgets about her or regains her.
4. Efforts are one-sided
Whatever your relationship problems are, you seem to be the only one struggling to stay in touch. You listen to your partner complain about problems at work.
You are always available when he needs you and you support him in all areas of life. And what do you get back?
Unfortunately, if you're the only one who puts the effort and energy into a relationship and doesn't get the same back, your relationship is doomed.
5. There is no emotional depth in the relationship
Do you feel like your relationship has stalled in the introductory phase of small talk about some superficial topics?
If you feel like yours If you still can't reach your partner emotionally, it could be that you don't know them well enough.
This is because gap-bridge partners have their desires fulfilled , dreams and fears with their partner because if it's a temporary relationship they won't even try to make a deeper connection.
6. He keeps you a secret
How many of his buddies do you know? Have you ever been invited to a family gathering like a wedding or a barbecue?
If he hasn't introduced you to his best friends or family yet, that's a sign the relationship isn't serious and you're just a consolation.
Getting to know family and friends is a serious step and indicates that the relationship is moving towards the long term. Unfortunately, if this fails, your relationship will be short-lived.
7. There are no future plans together
Planning a future together is also something that most truly loving couples aspire to.
When we genuinely love someone, we can't wait to move into an apartment together, share life, have children and the like.
However, if it is something ephemeral, these plans will probably never be mentioned.
For example, if you have never discussed the possibility of marriage, and if all its Plan to only include him while expecting the opposite, then unfortunately your relationship isn't serious.
I'm a gaper, what should I do?
If these signs have confirmed your suspicion that you are just a stopgap and a haven where your partner seeks shelter from loneliness, here's what you need to do:
Ask him the crucial question: face him and ask him an open-ended question: What are we up to?
Of course it all depends on the situation and the Depends on the length of your relationship because you certainly won't be asking him that after a week of dating.
But if you've been together for a while with no signs of it being something more serious, you should you ask him what he wants out of this relationship.
If he ”I know&rsz; not what I want”, ”I'm not ready for a serious relationship” etc., it's time to dump him.
You definitely don't have it deserves to waste your time on someone who doesn't know what they want. You deserve someone who will put you first and treat you like a princess.