Nobody gets involved in an affair overnight, but goes through different phases, from initial interest to amorous adventure.
The knowledge recognizing the stages of an affair can help you understand yourself and how you got involved in the affair.
Once an affair is uncovered, we ask us often – in the position of the betrayed, injured party – when did it even start?
Determining the exact timing promises to shed light on the motivations and possible ways to prevent more such catastrophes in the future.
But it also helps the betrayed partner know, because he often wonders how to proceed after cheating.
Anyway, while reading this, you are hurt, scared or have a bad conscience, right?< /p>
Perhaps you have searched the internet and social media for information to understand an affair you or your partner were involved in.
Either way, you're looking for answers that will show you a way out of all the pain.
You can get the answers here, with us.
4 stages of an emotional affair< /h2>
He's “just an acquaintance” or she's “just a friend or colleague” and all of a sudden there is this indescribable attraction and you think you have found your soul mate.
It clicks with you and you are flirting subtly every day. You are well on your way to getting into a relationship.
There is only one big problem: you are already in a romantic relationship – and this is where lovesickness begins.
At first you think it only happened once, but it doesn't stop with the “one” times.
And so you suddenly find yourself in an emotional affair.
Emotional affairs occur when you develop a deep emotional bond or affection for a person who is outside of your relationship and they guide all of your daydreams and actions.
This type of affection ;re means sharing your deepest desires, secrets and most personal feelings, transferring the intimate bond you normally have with your significant other or spouse to someone else.
This can begin completely innocently, at a time when you feel your relationship is in crisis and you are letting someone else fill a role because your partner is no longer fitting for that role
While it may feel innocent at first, having an emotional affair is just as difficult, if not more difficult, than a sexual affair to break out with to get out of it.
Although every affair feels utterly unique, there are actually four distinct stages to lovesickness.
Phase 1: Small Steps of Compromise
The first phase, even before the first phase of an affair, is the state the relationship is in.
Self "good relationships" may be prone to infidelity and have an unfaithful partner.
Are there any unresolved misunderstandings between you?
Has there been anything unusual lately much stress or changes?
Quarrels increasingly lead to greater dissatisfaction between partners.
You wonder why you are in a relationship at all and then it happens that what you love in your relationship missing, looking for in other people.
These are just examples of things that can make someone feel attracted to another person and become attracted to having an emotional affair.
We all think we are incapable of doing this, but feel free to ask anyone who has been unfaithful and you will find that the same has happened to all of them.
Even though they thought they never cheating because they have a good and stable relationship, they have gotten into an affair anyway. And why?
It's the little things we allow ourselves that we never would have allowed ourselves before.
A little flirting couldn't hurt, don't you think?< /p>
Phase 2: Crossing the Line
You allow yourself a fling. You begin to meet in secret places, you feel alive and excited that another finds you desirable and desired.
The secrecy of the new affair increases it Intensity of the feelings and the passion and infatuation is usually intense.
You both know that what you are doing is wrong. You know you're a cheater.
You often try to push your guilt aside because the high of this forbidden fruit is something you don't want to give up.
These are the small compromises that still work.< /p>
This flow of ups and downs mixed with the needs you feel this third person is filling can falsely convince you that you are your ”soulmate” found.
Here are some signs and changes that indicate an affair is on the way:
• Usually a separate cell phone or email account is used.
• The scammer spends a lot of time on social media.
• This is when trying to keep all lies straight gets tiring.
• The unfaithful partner often worries about being caught.
? The betrayed person is emotionally withdrawing further and further away from their partner at home.
• The partner may recognize this, but they don't care.
• The faithful partner no longer feels self-love.
• Lovesickness is eating away at your current relationship.
• The "Monkey Nebula" grows when you believe that the lover meets all your needs.
• Monkey partners tend to overlook obvious flaws and negative traits in the other.
• Falling in love is often greater than the fear of being caught.
• More risks are taken to promote arousal
• Your previous secret has bound you together.
• These secret moments can be sexual or just emotionally intimate encounters.
That phase of the affair where you ”fall in love” feels, usually lasts between 6 and 18 months. Sometimes longer.
Phase 3: The faithful partner discovers the secret
At this point, the unfaithful partner has continued the love affair for a certain period of time ;hrs.
You are usually unaware of the biological response that causes you to take it for “love” to hold and for the best solution at the moment.
The affairs soon resemble the same characteristics of an addiction.
Your life has become uncontrollable as you try to juggle all the secrets and lies.
Falling in love was easy, but you are unable to end the affair anymore no matter how hard you try.
Your feelings of deprivation are real when you're not with your monkey partner.
Eventually, couples in an affair become lax about keeping the secret. An affair is either discovered or confessed.
These are two completely different discoveries, but the pain felt by the betrayed partner is the same in both cases.
During this period, the betrayed partner often witnesses very atypical behavior from their unfaithful partner.
The betrayed partner is often shocked at how difficult it is for the cheating partner to choose between him or the third person.
Couples therapy or marriage counseling is often the choice.
But if the unfaithful spouse continues their emotional affair, it only damages the betrayed spouse's trust even further.
This only delays the restoration of the relationship or marriage.
However, if the cheating spouse can see that they are living a fantasy life with their affair partner, they can often pull themselves out of the Liberate affair.
Phase 4: Decisions are made – emotional affair or relationship/marriage
In Flagrante Delicto
You are involved in a long-term affair, and your partner has given you an ultimatum: “She/He or I”.
What should you do now? Are you staying in your relationship or marriage? Are you running off with your monkey partner?
Or are you trying to somehow keep both relationships intact?
Most scammers have one of three reactions to such an ultimatum:
• Realize how much you value your partner and it's clear that for the sake of the relationship and everything that goes with it, the affair must end.
• You realize your relationship is so unhappy it's not worth fighting for and you should probably break up with him/her.
? You realize that you care deeply about both your partner and your monkey partner, and you experience feelings of confusion and indecisiveness as a result.
When you're wondering what reaction the most common is the one where there is no immediate clarity.
This is because a person who has had a long-term emotional affair behind their partner's back usually has an emotional connection to both people.
For the cheater, the monkey partner offers stability, home life, children, history, security, family, community, etc.
Meanwhile, the monkey partner offers excitement, emotional escape, sexual intensity and maybe even a new-found reason for being.
Not surprisingly, scammers (in their dreams) would often prefer to maintain the status quo in hopes that both her spouse and affair partner make sacrifices to make her happy.
Once the unfaithful spouse comes out of the haze of the affair and sees the affair for what it really was, you both have a better chance of healing and having your relationship restored, or even have renewed hope for a better new relationship.
This takes a lot of prayer, support from outside help, maybe a couples therapist and devotion to yourself, a lot of self-love to want a better life…
Status Quo: All affairs end
Anyway, one thing we all need to be clear about: All affairs end.
Some end up with the spouses getting divorced, fighting like mad, losing all their possessions, breeding hatred and hostility in their families and trying to marry their affair partners.
The statistics don't lie: less than 10 percent of cheating spouses actually marry the affair partner, and most of these marriages (about 75 percent) end in divorce.
The idea that you so marrying the third person is not only unlikely – it is almost always unsuccessful!
According to researchers, 80 percent of those who divorced during a love affair regret the decision.
The other way the affair can end is when the faithful partner encourages the unfaithful partner to stop all contact and end the fling.
Once the affair ends, the unfaithful partners have a withdrawn feeling that they lack the positive serotonin/joy of the affair.
When the couple decides in their heart to have the affair processing, they can move on and begin to move into a better, new relationship.
Post-Affair Stages
According to couples therapists, keep these points in mind:
• The goal of a conversation is to make your partner feel like you understand what they're saying and that you're making an effort to do so.
&bull ; Stay away from thinking in terms of right and wrong.
• Be curious and ask questions. You should ask your partner what he or she thinks about what you are saying, so that you not only understand the words but also the feelings behind the words.
? Don't assume that you understood what your partner said, but think about it.
Have more conversations with your partner. Text him or her on WhatsApp or call and ask how your partner’s day is going.
The more consistently you can do this, the more progress you will make in healing the damage to your communication process .
What else can improve the chances of recovery after an affair?
Many couples turn to a therapist long after they realize their problems require professional attention.
Researchers in the field of couple relationships, provide evidence that couples wait an average of six years from the time they realize the need for couples therapy to the time they make their first appointment.
Six years of stewing in difficulties severe enough to warrant professional intervention creates an overwhelming sense of “trapped”.
When you begin working with a therapist , most of you expect disappointment, disillusionment and defensiveness.
Pessimism about your future together has become a bad habit.
After waiting so long to find therapy, couples tend to read cynicism and sarcasm into each other's words.
Smiling is misinterpreted as laughing, and the silence in conversation becomes misinterpreted as criticism or rejection.
There is no middle ground. Neither partner benefits from a doubt.
Yet a subset of these couples manage to harbor hope for a future together.
I love that phrase ”feelings will eventually follow our choices” because it is so true.
Sometimes we need to revisit the steps of commitment to our partner even when our feelings have subsided.
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Rebuilding a relationship or marriage after an affair is a process of good days and bad.
Over time, those feelings of love will return and trust will also grow if you keep doing the right things.
